I’m hoping this is the year we finally break the one-and-done cycle.  The Stars haven’t made it out of the first round of the playoffs since 2003!  I said I wasn’t even going to watch the first round because it was just a tease. 

Obviously, that was a lie because here I sit, cheering the boys on in their currently 3-0 lead towards the end of the 2nd period.  And hoping that they don’t blow it in the 3rd like they’ve been known to do in recent games.  I’m outwardly not getting my hopes up, but inside I just know we can beat these pesky Ducks.  And a game one win on the road would be  a big boost for the Stars.

SWEEEET!  It’s now 4-0. 

Bring on the 3rd.  And LEHTS GO STARS!!!

As much fun as it was…I am glad to have that (mostly) behind me.

We start testing for our October upgrade next week.  And I’m still scrambling to get test cases finished and ready to go.  These next several months are going to be rough, no doubt about that. 

I’m supposed to go out to the lake this weekend for Cat’s annual 4th of July bash.  I was only planning to stay one night…can’t leave Mazzy here by herself any longer than that.  Plus I have too much work to do.  So much so that I’m not even sure if I’m going to make it to the lake or not.  I need a day off and, as much as I love all the people that will be there, I could really use some down time this weekend.  I’ll have to work part of it anyway.  Although I don’t get to see Cat very often and it’s a lot of fun, so I’ll feel guilty if I don’t go.

I also know the past 2 years I’ve been battling bronchitis around this time.  I’m beginning to think it’s from stress…..letting myself get so run down.  So considering all the stuff leading up to and after the game to be done, plus all this stuff for our upgrade at work….I’m beginning to think that staying home might be better for my health.  I can’t afford to be sick right now.

Oh yeah….at the afterparty Saturday, I discovered, completely by surprise, ANOTHER person who Dr H used to do the phone sex thing with.  I wanted to vomit.  It’s bad enough that I was “with” someone that I had no attraction to, but now…..I’m so completely revolted by these other experiences….and WHO.  Just yuck.  And that just reinforces the idea that there are plenty of others.  And all of this while he was on-again-off-again with his ex.  And was pissy with her for having an online personal.  Whatthefuckever.

He and I haven’t talked much lately.  Mostly, I think, because I haven’t been online much.  Too much going on and haven’t had a spare minute.  And I think he’s been pretty busy with his job, too.  But also because I think he’s pulled his head out of his ass and stopped trying to turn us into an item of some sort.  I’m still pissed off when I think about how he was trying to do my thinking for me and tell me what I was feeling.  For him to tell ME that the only time MY “true” feelings come out is when I’m drinking?!?!  Yet, when referring to a friend of his, he easily admits that alcohol blurs your judgment.  I wanted to point that out so badly, but I didn’t.  He sees what he wants to see I guess.

The things I say in my head vs what I say in reality are just all screwed up.  I used to have no filter, but because he’s been my friend all this time, I can’t say anything.  Because when I get irritated to that extent, whatever I say won’t be pretty.  So I bite my tongue.  And then it festers.

It’s weird actually.  i was talking to a friend this weekend and the subject came up and it got me thinking.  Honestly, if I had met him first in person originally, we would’ve never been friends.  At least not close ones.  And certainly not done anything else.  I would’ve thought, well, he seems nice, but not somebody I’d hang out with on a regular basis.

Despite what everyone always likes to insist in these situations, he is NOT the same in person as online.   Personally, and I told him this a long time ago, I don’t think ANYONE can be the same in person.  Because when you’re talking online, or even on the phone, you establish an IDEA of what the person is like.  And that IDEA is not based in reality, it’s based on your (limited) experience with that person.  A tiny window into that person’s world.  Just as I’m sure if you met me, I wouldn’t be what you expected either.  It’s no one’s fault.  It just is.

Oh, and Sharla, I’ve tried the free beer and pizza thing before.  It always just turns into a social hour where nothing really gets done.  The less the merrier in this case! 

For the past several months, people have been saying, in reference to our charity game coming up next week, to me, “If you need any help, let me know,” or “I’d be happy to help.” 

So, realizing that, with work the way it has been, I can’t do it all by myself, what did I do?  I asked for help.  I told people what they could do to help.  We came up with ideas to bring in more money and various people volunteered to do various things in relation to that.  So meanwhile, I worked on other things that needed to be done for both the event and my job.

Apparently, when people say such things, what they really mean is, “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.  And if it is something I want to do, I will.  Otherwise, I’ll just keep asking you to let me know if you need any help.”

What the fuck good does it do to have planning meetings and the like if none of the things talked about ever get done?  If you can’t do it, or have no plans to, DON’T SAY YOU WILL!

This is why I have a problem delegating, both in my personal and professional life.  It’s far easier to know ahead of time that I need to do something and work it into my schedule than to think someone else is taking care of it, only to find out at the last minute that I’m still going to have to do it!  

I’m overly bitchy about this right now because, to top things off, while I was sitting in front of the computer until 3am last night working on stuff for the game, everyone else was at a happy hour that I was not even made unaware of.  I guess they knew I would be busy.  Ugh. 

Sometimes I am tempted to just say screw it and let the whole thing go to shit.  But I’m really proud of this event and want it to continue to be successful.  So I suck it up and do what needs to be done…At the expense of my personal life, my job, and my sanity.

Thankfully some relief is on the way.  Mexigoalie offered to come stay the night and help me with the programs.  We’ve got just over 36 hours to come up with bios and funny ads and such and I’m running out of things to pull out of my ass.  Two others have offered to come over for a little while tomorrow afternoon as well, so I’m grateful for that.

Mazzy is doing well.  She had her drain tube removed on Friday and, today, I took her back to the vet to have her bandages removed.  Now I can see the stitches from both her spaying and tumor removal.  Poor thing looks like Frankenstein.  I haven’t seen the vet since before her surgery last Wednesday, but I am assuming that Mazzy must be healing as expected because the tech told me today I could go ahead and schedule an appointment to have her stitches removed next week. 

I wonder how long it will take her tummy fur to grow back.  Although, in this heat, she may prefer the shaved look. 

This weekend I’ll be holed up in my house trying to get the programs done for our charity hockey game on the 24th.  Nothing like waiting until the last minute.  Hopefully the team coordinators will have all the bios to me by then. 

I’m not sure what the deal is.  This is the 3rd year we’ve held this event and I’m not sure if people just don’t care anymore or what.  No one seems to be hyping it up.  No one wants to do anything to help (not entirely true, there’s a few, but I’m whining and it’s more dramatic if I say NO ONE).  Everyone just wants to show up and have fun.  But there is soooo much that has to go on behind the scenes for that to happen.  What good does it do to meet and come up with all these great ideas of how to bring in more money if there is no follow through?  And I don’t have the energy to pick up the extra tasks.  There’s no time now anyway. 

I have a meeting with my design team tomorrow morning  that I am just barely prepared for.  And I’m afraid to go to sleep now because I suck at waking up with the alarm.  I hate when I do this. 

Oh well.  At least some of our young guys got some playoff experience under their belts.  Better luck next season.  You’re still my boys!

I’m having a hard time staying motivated at work lately.  Not sure what my problem is.  I’m in a funk, I guess.  All I want to do is stay home and sleep. 

I’ve been browsing flickr groups lately and really enjoy seeing some of the fantastic photography that can be found there.  It’s making me really miss the times when my day didn’t feel complete unless I’d been out taking pictures or spent hours in the darkroom (trying to) perfect my prints.  I miss the feel of my old Pentax in my hand.  I miss looking through the lens and waiting for the right moment.  Framing a shot.  The sound of the shutter.  I miss the excitement of waiting for the film to develop.  The smell of a darkroom.  The feel of a wet print.  I miss the satisfaction of capturing that rare fantastic image.   

I’ve been away from my SLR for so long, it no longer feels like an extension of my hand.  Now I’m clumsy and hesitant with it.   And I reeeeally want to buy a digital SLR.  I’ve had my eye on one for awhile, but can’t justify the expense of it at this point.  Too much debt as it is.

I’d like to start going out for the sole purpose of shooting again.  About the only pictures I take lately are from random social gatherings and hockey.  And while that’s still fun, it doesn’t carry even remotely the same level of satisfaction.

I’d like to pick a location, an area of town, a subject, or something each weekend and just head off into the wild blue yonder with my cameras.  Maybe baby steps are better….maybe once a month.  I don’t know yet.  We’ll see. 

I do know that it is one of my greatest pleasures and I’ve been denying myself for far too long.

Fantastic 4-1 win by the Stars tonight to get the job done and avoid being swept by those pesky Avs.  Which also means there WILL be a game 5 back here in Dallas on Sunday.  YAY!  One game at a time, Stars.  One game at a time.  You can do it!!!

Just the thought of being swept by the fucking Avs makes me want to vomit.  They were the 7th seeded team.  We were 2nd.  What the holy hell is going on here?!?!  The first game, we didn’t bother to show up.  I don’t know who that was on the ice, but it wasn’t MY Stars!

The second game, well, we showed up in the 2nd period and then sat on a lead in the third only to let them…..tie and force it to OT…which they won.

We lost our first two games at HOME.  So much for home ice advantage.

And gee….guess what happened tonight in game 3.  Another tie goal at the end of the 3rd, after taking entirely too fucking many dumbass penalties.  And less than two minutes into OT, they score.

I am so sickened by this it is not even funny.  If we lose Friday, it’s over.  If we win, we’ll force the series back to Dallas for a game 5.  And we’d have to win 4 straight games to avoid elimination.

I can’t find my happy place.

Mexigoalie and I managed to get plenty of extra rally towels and game programs to share with out of town friends.  Although, I don’t know that anyone would actually want a souvenir of this game.  Except maybe an Avs fan.  Ugh.

Anyway.  Bring on game 2 tomorrow night.  We better have our heads out of our asses for that one.  As far as I’m concerned, it is a MUST WIN.  We certainly don’t want to head to Colorado down 2 games in the series.

Got home last night and watched the Marilyn special on 48 hours (thanks again, Laura!)  It was pretty interesting.  No one is ever going to “solve” that beyond a doubt, but I still don’t believe, nor will I ever be convinced, she committed suicide.  There’s far too many question marks.

Met a few guys that had made the trip up from Dallas.  One of them winked at me, according to my nephew.  I miss everything. 

The game itself was disappointing.   The Ducks scored on Turco about 30 seconds in.  Not a good way to start off.  The whole game we just looked sloppy.  We ended up getting ahead, only to let them tie in the final minutes, forcing it into OT.  We played better in OT than we did the entire game.  Ugh.  No score after 5, so we went to a shootout.  And, of course, we LOST.  Our FIRST loss in a shootout the ENTIRE season.  And I had to be there to see it. 

Saturday we headed up to LA and Hollywood.  I got to find Marilyn’s star on the Walk of Fame (which is not nearly as nice and fancy as I expected it to be).  Got several pics of that.  Then we headed over to the Chinese Theater and found her and Jane Russell’s hand and footprints.  More pictures.  I could’ve been all emotional about it if given time to savor it more, so it’s probably a good thing that one of my nephews was a little restless.  lol 

And a bad thing to realize that my battery in my digital camera was dying.  I don’t know what that was all about….a full charge should’ve lasted way longer than that.  I only took a dozen or so pics the night before.  And since we weren’t going back to the hotel before the game, that meant I’d get very few digital pics that night.  Which sucks even more because I don’t have a zoom on my 35mm and we were sitting in the nosebleeds.

Bought a few souvenirs and gifts to bring back and then we went to Chinatown and wandered around for a few hours.  Hopefully I got some good pics there, too.  It’s been so long since I’ve shot film, I’m a little nervous about seeing how they turned out.  Plus noticing the film speeds i was using mid-way through the roll.  D’oh.

Bought more stuff there, ate lunch, wandered some more.  Then it was time to head to the Staples Center for the game. 

I saw far fewer Stars jerseys there.  People looked at me like they were completely appalled to see me walking in with a Stars jersey on.  It was pretty funny to see some of the weird looks I got.  But no one was rude about it atleast.

One of my nephews and I went down to watch the warmups before the game.  Saw a few other Stars fans then.  And was horrified to realize that my Mikey was not on the ice!  I fired off some text messages to Dr Honeydew and Mexigoalie to see if they knew wtf was going on.  Morrow was wearing the C, so Mo was definitely not playing.  Neither of them could find any news on it.  Since my digital was almost dead, I took the film camera down for warmups.  And then quickly realized I was out of film and didn’t bring my purse down with me.  So I might have gotten 4 or so shots before resorting to my camera phone.  D’oh again.

Another crap game.  We did good killing off penalties, but our PP was non-existant without Mo and Zubie on the ice.  The fans around us didn’t really heckle me at all.  And I coerced one of my nephews and sis-in-law into yelling STARS with me during the anthem.  That was fun.   And we certainly weren’t alone.  We may not have seen all the Stars fans, but it was obvious they were there. 

My brother, Dilbert, was cracking up at me because, at one point, we were on the powerplay and it was dead quiet (those fans could make some noise, but only when prompted by the video screen).  So, being down 1-0, and wanting to motivate my boys (ha), I yelled “Let’s go Stars!” at the top of my lungs.  The people around me all turned around so fast I’m certain they got whiplash.  Every one of them’s facial expression was priceless.  I guess they were expecting to hear “Kings” so when I got to the Stars part, they were all aghast.  Funny. 

After the Kings first (and only) goal (damn you, Roenick), when we were killing off a penalty, some guy behind us, apparently unhappy with the fact that we were clearing the puck constantly, said, “Dammit.  Now we suck again.”  That was pretty funny, too.

Anyway, after enduring another crappy Stars game, which we lost 1-0, not a single LA fan was rude or obnoxious to me.  Which was surprising considering, at one point, towards the end of the game, the ENTIRE place started a “Dallas Sucks” chant.  I honestly thought that was tacky.  And I was surprised that EVERY SINGLE person seemed to join in.  I’ve never been a fan of booing the other team or specifically using the word sucks in a chant.  I guess my mother taught me better.  But after the game, no one really had anything to say to me.  I got more weird looks, but that was about it.  One guy actually turned around and realized I was in a Stars jersey and said, “Tough loss, huh?” 

So then the drive back to the hotel in Anaheim and off to bed.  That’s enough for now.  I’ll tell about Sunday later.  I’m having serious eye problems today.  One eye has been bugging me for almost a week now.  Just when I first wake up it’s all scratchy and tearing and hurting.  Then it would get better after about an hour and I’d be fine.  Starting Sunday, it’s pretty much hurt all day.

When I woke up this morning (we got back to my brother’s late last night) my left eye would barely open.  Two hours later and it will still barely open, hurts like hell and is all puffy and watering.  And light if almost unbearable.  I’ve been wearing sunglasses all day, even inside.  Not sure what to do about it.