Tag Archives: Hockey

It’s Playoff Time!!!

Playoff hockey for my Stars started tonight.  And we are, again, facing the Ducks in the first round.  Stupid Ducks.

I’m hoping this is the year we finally break the one-and-done cycle.  The Stars haven’t made it out of the first round of the playoffs since 2003!  I said I wasn’t even going to watch the first round because it was just a tease. 

Obviously, that was a lie because here I sit, cheering the boys on in their currently 3-0 lead towards the end of the 2nd period.  And hoping that they don’t blow it in the 3rd like they’ve been known to do in recent games.  I’m outwardly not getting my hopes up, but inside I just know we can beat these pesky Ducks.  And a game one win on the road would be  a big boost for the Stars.

SWEEEET!  It’s now 4-0. 

Bring on the 3rd.  And LEHTS GO STARS!!!

Coming up for air

The hockey game went spectacularly this weekend!  Seeing everyone have such a great time and knowing what we’ve accomplished with this event makes it all worthwhile.  Still waiting on a few invoices, but best estimate, I’d say we raised close to what we raised last year.  I don’t think we beat it though, but that’s ok.  It’s still going to be a great donation!

As much fun as it was…I am glad to have that (mostly) behind me.

We start testing for our October upgrade next week.  And I’m still scrambling to get test cases finished and ready to go.  These next several months are going to be rough, no doubt about that. 

I’m supposed to go out to the lake this weekend for Cat’s annual 4th of July bash.  I was only planning to stay one night…can’t leave Mazzy here by herself any longer than that.  Plus I have too much work to do.  So much so that I’m not even sure if I’m going to make it to the lake or not.  I need a day off and, as much as I love all the people that will be there, I could really use some down time this weekend.  I’ll have to work part of it anyway.  Although I don’t get to see Cat very often and it’s a lot of fun, so I’ll feel guilty if I don’t go.

I also know the past 2 years I’ve been battling bronchitis around this time.  I’m beginning to think it’s from stress…..letting myself get so run down.  So considering all the stuff leading up to and after the game to be done, plus all this stuff for our upgrade at work….I’m beginning to think that staying home might be better for my health.  I can’t afford to be sick right now.

Oh yeah….at the afterparty Saturday, I discovered, completely by surprise, ANOTHER person who Dr H used to do the phone sex thing with.  I wanted to vomit.  It’s bad enough that I was “with” someone that I had no attraction to, but now…..I’m so completely revolted by these other experiences….and WHO.  Just yuck.  And that just reinforces the idea that there are plenty of others.  And all of this while he was on-again-off-again with his ex.  And was pissy with her for having an online personal.  Whatthefuckever.

He and I haven’t talked much lately.  Mostly, I think, because I haven’t been online much.  Too much going on and haven’t had a spare minute.  And I think he’s been pretty busy with his job, too.  But also because I think he’s pulled his head out of his ass and stopped trying to turn us into an item of some sort.  I’m still pissed off when I think about how he was trying to do my thinking for me and tell me what I was feeling.  For him to tell ME that the only time MY “true” feelings come out is when I’m drinking?!?!  Yet, when referring to a friend of his, he easily admits that alcohol blurs your judgment.  I wanted to point that out so badly, but I didn’t.  He sees what he wants to see I guess.

The things I say in my head vs what I say in reality are just all screwed up.  I used to have no filter, but because he’s been my friend all this time, I can’t say anything.  Because when I get irritated to that extent, whatever I say won’t be pretty.  So I bite my tongue.  And then it festers.

It’s weird actually.  i was talking to a friend this weekend and the subject came up and it got me thinking.  Honestly, if I had met him first in person originally, we would’ve never been friends.  At least not close ones.  And certainly not done anything else.  I would’ve thought, well, he seems nice, but not somebody I’d hang out with on a regular basis.

Despite what everyone always likes to insist in these situations, he is NOT the same in person as online.   Personally, and I told him this a long time ago, I don’t think ANYONE can be the same in person.  Because when you’re talking online, or even on the phone, you establish an IDEA of what the person is like.  And that IDEA is not based in reality, it’s based on your (limited) experience with that person.  A tiny window into that person’s world.  Just as I’m sure if you met me, I wouldn’t be what you expected either.  It’s no one’s fault.  It just is.

Won’t you please, please help me?

I love Mexigoalie.  He and Nala came over after his game tonight and Mexigoalie has spent the last 5+ hours sitting here helping me write bios for the program.  Tomorrow we’ll start on the ads.  Mr & Mrs Dubya are supposed to come by for a bit, too, so hopefully we’ll have this knocked out by tomorrow afternoon.  Then I can get started on projects for work that I needed to have completed long before now. 

Oh, and Sharla, I’ve tried the free beer and pizza thing before.  It always just turns into a social hour where nothing really gets done.  The less the merrier in this case! 

HELP is a 4-letter word.

And like love, shit, or fuck, you shouldn’t say it unless you really mean it!

For the past several months, people have been saying, in reference to our charity game coming up next week, to me, “If you need any help, let me know,” or “I’d be happy to help.” 

So, realizing that, with work the way it has been, I can’t do it all by myself, what did I do?  I asked for help.  I told people what they could do to help.  We came up with ideas to bring in more money and various people volunteered to do various things in relation to that.  So meanwhile, I worked on other things that needed to be done for both the event and my job.

Apparently, when people say such things, what they really mean is, “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.  And if it is something I want to do, I will.  Otherwise, I’ll just keep asking you to let me know if you need any help.”

What the fuck good does it do to have planning meetings and the like if none of the things talked about ever get done?  If you can’t do it, or have no plans to, DON’T SAY YOU WILL!

This is why I have a problem delegating, both in my personal and professional life.  It’s far easier to know ahead of time that I need to do something and work it into my schedule than to think someone else is taking care of it, only to find out at the last minute that I’m still going to have to do it!  

I’m overly bitchy about this right now because, to top things off, while I was sitting in front of the computer until 3am last night working on stuff for the game, everyone else was at a happy hour that I was not even made unaware of.  I guess they knew I would be busy.  Ugh. 

Sometimes I am tempted to just say screw it and let the whole thing go to shit.  But I’m really proud of this event and want it to continue to be successful.  So I suck it up and do what needs to be done…At the expense of my personal life, my job, and my sanity.

Thankfully some relief is on the way.  Mexigoalie offered to come stay the night and help me with the programs.  We’ve got just over 36 hours to come up with bios and funny ads and such and I’m running out of things to pull out of my ass.  Two others have offered to come over for a little while tomorrow afternoon as well, so I’m grateful for that.

A quick update

Work is about to become insanely busy, between testing the new version of our LMS to be installed in October, creating training materials for the entire system, and an internal customer project I’ve been “hired” to manage, the rest of 2006 promises to keep me on my toes.  I’ll try not to let this affect my blogging time too much.

Mazzy is doing well.  She had her drain tube removed on Friday and, today, I took her back to the vet to have her bandages removed.  Now I can see the stitches from both her spaying and tumor removal.  Poor thing looks like Frankenstein.  I haven’t seen the vet since before her surgery last Wednesday, but I am assuming that Mazzy must be healing as expected because the tech told me today I could go ahead and schedule an appointment to have her stitches removed next week. 

I wonder how long it will take her tummy fur to grow back.  Although, in this heat, she may prefer the shaved look. 

This weekend I’ll be holed up in my house trying to get the programs done for our charity hockey game on the 24th.  Nothing like waiting until the last minute.  Hopefully the team coordinators will have all the bios to me by then. 

I’m not sure what the deal is.  This is the 3rd year we’ve held this event and I’m not sure if people just don’t care anymore or what.  No one seems to be hyping it up.  No one wants to do anything to help (not entirely true, there’s a few, but I’m whining and it’s more dramatic if I say NO ONE).  Everyone just wants to show up and have fun.  But there is soooo much that has to go on behind the scenes for that to happen.  What good does it do to meet and come up with all these great ideas of how to bring in more money if there is no follow through?  And I don’t have the energy to pick up the extra tasks.  There’s no time now anyway. 

I have a meeting with my design team tomorrow morning  that I am just barely prepared for.  And I’m afraid to go to sleep now because I suck at waking up with the alarm.  I hate when I do this. 

Hockey & Rediscovering old passions

Well, my Stars lost in OT yesterday.  It was absolutely heartbreaking.  They put up a good fight, but it was too little too late.  Colorado won the series and advances to the second round.  Dallas, once again, has an early playoff exit.  It’s sooo frustrating to have a team kick ass all season only to go down like that.  And to not be able to pinpoint the cause of it is even more mind-boggling.  We just didn’t play our game from the start.  And by the time we finally put a solid 60-minute effort on the ice, we were down 3 games.

Oh well.  At least some of our young guys got some playoff experience under their belts.  Better luck next season.  You’re still my boys!

I’m having a hard time staying motivated at work lately.  Not sure what my problem is.  I’m in a funk, I guess.  All I want to do is stay home and sleep. 

I’ve been browsing flickr groups lately and really enjoy seeing some of the fantastic photography that can be found there.  It’s making me really miss the times when my day didn’t feel complete unless I’d been out taking pictures or spent hours in the darkroom (trying to) perfect my prints.  I miss the feel of my old Pentax in my hand.  I miss looking through the lens and waiting for the right moment.  Framing a shot.  The sound of the shutter.  I miss the excitement of waiting for the film to develop.  The smell of a darkroom.  The feel of a wet print.  I miss the satisfaction of capturing that rare fantastic image.   

I’ve been away from my SLR for so long, it no longer feels like an extension of my hand.  Now I’m clumsy and hesitant with it.   And I reeeeally want to buy a digital SLR.  I’ve had my eye on one for awhile, but can’t justify the expense of it at this point.  Too much debt as it is.

I’d like to start going out for the sole purpose of shooting again.  About the only pictures I take lately are from random social gatherings and hockey.  And while that’s still fun, it doesn’t carry even remotely the same level of satisfaction.

I’d like to pick a location, an area of town, a subject, or something each weekend and just head off into the wild blue yonder with my cameras.  Maybe baby steps are better….maybe once a month.  I don’t know yet.  We’ll see. 

I do know that it is one of my greatest pleasures and I’ve been denying myself for far too long.

Arrrggghhhh!

I am still so pissed I can’t sleep.  And pissed is not even the right word to accurately describe what it feels like to see my boys fall 3 games to 0 against Colorado.

Just the thought of being swept by the fucking Avs makes me want to vomit.  They were the 7th seeded team.  We were 2nd.  What the holy hell is going on here?!?!  The first game, we didn’t bother to show up.  I don’t know who that was on the ice, but it wasn’t MY Stars!

The second game, well, we showed up in the 2nd period and then sat on a lead in the third only to let them…..tie and force it to OT…which they won.

We lost our first two games at HOME.  So much for home ice advantage.

And gee….guess what happened tonight in game 3.  Another tie goal at the end of the 3rd, after taking entirely too fucking many dumbass penalties.  And less than two minutes into OT, they score.

I am so sickened by this it is not even funny.  If we lose Friday, it’s over.  If we win, we’ll force the series back to Dallas for a game 5.  And we’d have to win 4 straight games to avoid elimination.

I can’t find my happy place.

Playoffs: Round 1 Game 1

Well that was just….shit.  My boys kicked off the playoffs last night with a miserable 5-2 loss against Colorado.  The first period wasn’t so bad…in fact, it’s when we scored our only 2 goals.  Then it just went downhill from there.  Sloppy passing, tons of turnovers, and just an overall disappointing display of something that was so NOT Stars hockey.

Mexigoalie and I managed to get plenty of extra rally towels and game programs to share with out of town friends.  Although, I don’t know that anyone would actually want a souvenir of this game.  Except maybe an Avs fan.  Ugh.

Anyway.  Bring on game 2 tomorrow night.  We better have our heads out of our asses for that one.  As far as I’m concerned, it is a MUST WIN.  We certainly don’t want to head to Colorado down 2 games in the series.

Got home last night and watched the Marilyn special on 48 hours (thanks again, Laura!)  It was pretty interesting.  No one is ever going to “solve” that beyond a doubt, but I still don’t believe, nor will I ever be convinced, she committed suicide.  There’s far too many question marks.

Not the road games I was hoping for

I have to say, that first step out of the car towards Arrowhead Pond, in my Stars jersey, was the tiniest bit intimidating.  I got over it pretty quickly, but it was my first time having a game experience as the “visitor.”  I was surprised how many Stars jerseys I saw once we got inside.  Not that I blame them…..good to know some Anaheim folks recognize talent when they see it.  Wink

Met a few guys that had made the trip up from Dallas.  One of them winked at me, according to my nephew.  I miss everything. 

The game itself was disappointing.   The Ducks scored on Turco about 30 seconds in.  Not a good way to start off.  The whole game we just looked sloppy.  We ended up getting ahead, only to let them tie in the final minutes, forcing it into OT.  We played better in OT than we did the entire game.  Ugh.  No score after 5, so we went to a shootout.  And, of course, we LOST.  Our FIRST loss in a shootout the ENTIRE season.  And I had to be there to see it.  cry

Saturday we headed up to LA and Hollywood.  I got to find Marilyn’s star on the Walk of Fame (which is not nearly as nice and fancy as I expected it to be).  Got several pics of that.  Then we headed over to the Chinese Theater and found her and Jane Russell’s hand and footprints.  More pictures.  I could’ve been all emotional about it if given time to savor it more, so it’s probably a good thing that one of my nephews was a little restless.  lol 

And a bad thing to realize that my battery in my digital camera was dying.  I don’t know what that was all about….a full charge should’ve lasted way longer than that.  I only took a dozen or so pics the night before.  And since we weren’t going back to the hotel before the game, that meant I’d get very few digital pics that night.  Which sucks even more because I don’t have a zoom on my 35mm and we were sitting in the nosebleeds.

Bought a few souvenirs and gifts to bring back and then we went to Chinatown and wandered around for a few hours.  Hopefully I got some good pics there, too.  It’s been so long since I’ve shot film, I’m a little nervous about seeing how they turned out.  Plus noticing the film speeds i was using mid-way through the roll.  D’oh.

Bought more stuff there, ate lunch, wandered some more.  Then it was time to head to the Staples Center for the game. 

I saw far fewer Stars jerseys there.  People looked at me like they were completely appalled to see me walking in with a Stars jersey on.  It was pretty funny to see some of the weird looks I got.  But no one was rude about it atleast.

One of my nephews and I went down to watch the warmups before the game.  Saw a few other Stars fans then.  And was horrified to realize that my Mikey was not on the ice!  I fired off some text messages to Dr Honeydew and Mexigoalie to see if they knew wtf was going on.  Morrow was wearing the C, so Mo was definitely not playing.  Neither of them could find any news on it.  Since my digital was almost dead, I took the film camera down for warmups.  And then quickly realized I was out of film and didn’t bring my purse down with me.  So I might have gotten 4 or so shots before resorting to my camera phone.  D’oh again.

Another crap game.  We did good killing off penalties, but our PP was non-existant without Mo and Zubie on the ice.  The fans around us didn’t really heckle me at all.  And I coerced one of my nephews and sis-in-law into yelling STARS with me during the anthem.  That was fun.   And we certainly weren’t alone.  We may not have seen all the Stars fans, but it was obvious they were there. 

My brother, Dilbert, was cracking up at me because, at one point, we were on the powerplay and it was dead quiet (those fans could make some noise, but only when prompted by the video screen).  So, being down 1-0, and wanting to motivate my boys (ha), I yelled “Let’s go Stars!” at the top of my lungs.  The people around me all turned around so fast I’m certain they got whiplash.  Every one of them’s facial expression was priceless.  I guess they were expecting to hear “Kings” so when I got to the Stars part, they were all aghast.  Funny. 

After the Kings first (and only) goal (damn you, Roenick), when we were killing off a penalty, some guy behind us, apparently unhappy with the fact that we were clearing the puck constantly, said, “Dammit.  Now we suck again.”  That was pretty funny, too.

Anyway, after enduring another crappy Stars game, which we lost 1-0, not a single LA fan was rude or obnoxious to me.  Which was surprising considering, at one point, towards the end of the game, the ENTIRE place started a “Dallas Sucks” chant.  I honestly thought that was tacky.  And I was surprised that EVERY SINGLE person seemed to join in.  I’ve never been a fan of booing the other team or specifically using the word sucks in a chant.  I guess my mother taught me better.  But after the game, no one really had anything to say to me.  I got more weird looks, but that was about it.  One guy actually turned around and realized I was in a Stars jersey and said, “Tough loss, huh?” 

So then the drive back to the hotel in Anaheim and off to bed.  That’s enough for now.  I’ll tell about Sunday later.  I’m having serious eye problems today.  One eye has been bugging me for almost a week now.  Just when I first wake up it’s all scratchy and tearing and hurting.  Then it would get better after about an hour and I’d be fine.  Starting Sunday, it’s pretty much hurt all day.

When I woke up this morning (we got back to my brother’s late last night) my left eye would barely open.  Two hours later and it will still barely open, hurts like hell and is all puffy and watering.  And light if almost unbearable.  I’ve been wearing sunglasses all day, even inside.  Not sure what to do about it. 

Recap of the visit

Ok, let’s see how much I can remember.  This will likely be mostly a list of what we did.  I’m hoping by getting all the details down, I’ll be able to comment on the other stuff later.

Thursday, 3/23:

Ok, so I basically left off at the snuggling-turned-sexcapade which started on the couch and somehow ended up in my room.  I don’t remember the details of the location change, only that it happened at some point.  Much later, like 3am later, I had to crash…since I had to be up for a conference call the next day.  I remember being a little put off by the fact that he didn’t get off.  Seriously…wtf is that all about?  In our previous conversations, he’d said he was all about making the girl feel good.  But every guy says that, right?  And while they may make an effort for awhile, in the end, they get theirs.

Dr Honeydew did not.  And I didn’t feel too good about that.  But…I forced myself to go to sleep anyway. 

Friday:

I didn’t sleep worth a shit.  Not used to sleeping in my bed lately, and certainly not used to sharing it.  I’d have slept better if he’d gone to the guest room afterwards, but that would have seemed inhospitable, right?  lol

I got up and went into the living room with the laptop and called into my (3-hour long) boring ass meeting.  Sometime around 11 Dr H got up and proceeded to come up behind me and give me a hug while I was sitting on the couch.  Um.  Ok. 

After the call was finally over, we hopped in the shower (seperately, thank you very much) and then got ready for the game.  Headed down to the West End early and had a late lunch at Landry’s, where Dr H, once again, insisted on paying.  I appreciate the gesture, but let me pay sometimes, too. 

I think by this point I had started to realize that I had no real chemistry with him.  I know that sounds all wrong consider the activities of the previous night.  I like him.  I do.  And I think he’s a great guy.  And the sex was fun.  But I really didn’t have that sparks-flying-electricity thing with him.  And that’s a big thing for me.  Like, if I really like someone, I want them to put their arm around me.  I want to hold their hand.  I want to kiss them at random times.  I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off them.

I wasn’t feeling that with Dr H at all.  Honestly, I wish I would have been.  He’s such a sweetheart.

After Landry’s, we headed back towards the car and then walked over to the AAC for the game.  We sat in my usual STH seats way up in the nosebleeds.  The game, against the Blackhawks, was lackluster.  We should’ve mopped the ice with them.  Instead, it ended up going to OT and then a shootout, which, after about 8 shooters, we eventually won.

After the game, we met up with people in front of the Old No 7 and then all walked over to the West End…which we quickly discovered was a ghost town.  What happened to that place?  It used to be full of people walking the streets, bar-hopping.  We went to 3 different places before we could find one that was still open:  TGI Fridays.  Meh…it’ll do.

We had fun hanging out there with the Austrailian Stars fans that were in town, as well as a lot of the usual crew.  Dr H drove home because I’d had plenty to drink by then.  We stopped at Denny’s (so I could pee) and ordered some food.  Then went back to my house.  Another night of sex and another night of him not getting off.  My ego is taking a beating at this point.  He atleast partially blamed the condom (I wanted to be on the ring for over a full week before going without a backup), but never once asked to not wear it.

Saturday:

Slept late so that kind of killed our plans of going to do much.  Decided to take him to the World Aquarium but when we got there (2 hours before they closed) there was a line wrapped all the way around the building.  We decided to try again Monday, when it was less apt to be so crowded.  So we went to the Arboretum instead. 

Again, one of those places that, if I was really into someone, I would’ve wanted to hold hands, stand close, etc.  And again, I wasn’t feeling it.  Every once in awhile maybe, but not like it should be in that situation.  This was frustrating me because I felt like a shallow bitch.  I can’t even pinpoint the reasons, I just know I’ve felt like that with every other person I’ve seriously liked.

Back to my house to get ready for company.  I’d invited people over to hang out and meet Dr H.  Most showed up around 8 and we sat around and talked for awhile, had drinks and snacks.  I’m such a social butterfly when I drink, so I’m wandering around talking to everyone and kind of deserted Dr H for much of the night.  I feel bad about that now, but wasn’t consciously doing it.  I was just trying to be a good hostess or something. 

Hours later, a few more people showed up and I was completely toasted by then.  Flirt and I, very unwisely, decided to make a run for the border to get food.  When we got back (thank God!!) I got the message that Dr H was not too happy about us driving….and he had every right to feel that way.  It wasn’t a smart move AT ALL and not something I’m proud of. 

Apparently, at some point, my big mouth shared info I shouldn’t have shared with a few people.  Ugh.  Remind me why I drink again??  But I also learned some info that made me a little uncomfortable.  Not going to get into that right now…  People cleared out a little before 3am and Dr H and I ended up breaking in my new chair and a half.  That was relatively fun, but nothing to write home about. 

Sunday:

Didn’t sleep too late considering.  Headed to the Stars vs Calgary game that started at 2pm.  We had the lower level seats my (old) boss gave me awhile back.  Great seats!  And a great game!!!  That was fun to watch.  And my Mikey scored a goal right in front of us!  :)

After the game, we met up with some friends and visited for awhile.  Then some of us walked over to Hooter’s for lunch.  Dr H barely talked during lunch….it was a little uncomfortable.  Later he told me he wasn’t feeling well.  Had an upset tummy.  Got back home around 7 I think.  I’m losing details (dammit…this is why I wanted to write as the weekend went on) but believe we just hung out at my house the rest of the night. 

I think that was the night that he asked if we could talk.  He said there had been all these unknowns before his visit and wanted to know if all my questions were answered and what I thought now, having spent a few days with him.  I wasn’t sure how to answer that without being awkward.  So I just said that I was glad he was here and that I was having fun with him, but didn’t see anything coming from it.  Long silence where I felt like I should say more….so I brought up the long-distance thing and how I won’t do it.  He says ok and then more silence.  Eventually we just start talking about something else….and had sex on the couch (that time I know he got his!).

Gosh, I am such a whore.

Monday:

I set my alarm so I could get up and work (from home) half a day.  Dr H had coffee made for me.  Awww.  Got a fair amount done and then called it a day around noon.  Then we went for lunch at the Corner Bakery in the West End and then the Dallas World Aquarium.  No line this time…yay!  My tour guide skills suck because I think we ended up doing stuff in the same part of town at least 3 or 4 times.  The DWA was cool, as usual.  I think Dr H enjoyed it, too.

After that we went to Wizard’s and shot a few games of pool and had a couple of drinks.  I miss playing pool.  I used to be good, dammit.  Now…not so much.

Back to my house where we had a pretty heavy makeout session up against the wall in my hallway….which lead to what had to be several hours of sex in various places and positions.  Midway through that, during a brief break, he turns to me and says, “I love you.  You know that right?”

“Um…no you don’t,” I say.  “You heart me.”  Heart being our safe word of expressing that we care about each other.

He says, “I know it’s one sided.”

No response from me.

More sex (and no, gak, no prizes won thankfully!).  Then my bladder finally took over and I had to stop for a potty break.  That pretty much ended the mood.  And I was glad for it.

He worked on my door (leaks when it rains) for awhile and tried to replace the bottom piece with something that you couldn’t even close the door afterwards.  So we hurried back to HD before they closed to buy a different one…which also didn’t work.  So now I have less protection there than I did and holes drilled in the bottom of the door for no reason.  Grrrrr!  I tried not to be too pissy about it because I could tell he felt really bad.  He put some foam stuff on there temporarily until I can get something else done to it.  And it’s supposed to rain while I’m out of town.  Sigh.

A little later, knowing we have to be up early to take him to the airport, we head to bed.  He mentioned that every time the subject of “us” came up, I got really quiet.  And said that, if the distance really was the only problem, that he wished I would reconsider.  That we would make it work.  I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing.  Then he says if it’s more than just that, to say so.  That he’ll still be my friend, no worries.  So I say, it’s more than just that.  That sounds too harsh, so I add that the distance is a factor, but it’s certainly not the only reason.

So I tell him that I know myself.  And I know how I am with someone I really like.  And that I haven’t been that way with him.  He says he’s noticed that the only time I really touched him much was when I’m drinking and that he wasn’t sure if I was just trying not to let the people around us know that I liked him or what.  I tell him that the fact that I wasn’t trying to hold his hand or be affectionate throughout the day tells me there’s something missing.  He says that makes him sad because he thinks we would be really good together.  That we are very complementary and compatible.  And that he really does love me, but knows he can’t make me feel the same way.  And wouldn’t try to.

Again, I’m speechless.  I don’t know why I couldn’t talk to him about what I was thinking.  Well, yes I do.  I don’t want to hurt his feelings.  I don’t want to make him sad.  I don’t want to feel like I’ve led him on.  I feel like a bitch so I say nothing and we eventually fall asleep.

Tuesday:

He woke me up at 6am (after I’d snoozed my alarm….I told him not to let me do that).  He had coffee made for me.  Dammit he’s so nice.  I get ready for work, he showers and gets his stuff together.  We left the house around 7am for the airport.  The ride there was mostly silence.  Little bit of small talk here and there, but mostly silence.  And me, being the wuss that I am, have tears in my eyes most of the way because I feel like the thing I was most worried about, our friendship, is in jeopardy.

We get to the airport, I pull up to drop him off, get out of the car and walk to the back with him to get his stuff out of the trunk.  A big long hug, him agreeing to text me to let me know he got home ok, a peck on the mouth, another big long hug, him telling me again that he loves me, and then he heads into the airport.  And I drive away with a few more tears.  I’m annoyed at the way I wasn’t able to talk to him like I normally could.

A little before lunchtime I sent him an email from work thanking him for coming to see me and all the nice things he does.  And tell him I’m sorry that I can’t say I more than just heart him…but that my lack of actions proves that to me.  And that I’m frustrated and regretful that I let things go the way they did.  And that I still think he’s one of the greatest guys I know.  It sounds so lame, but I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling.

He texted me to tell me his flight landed back in Florida.  Later I get a response to my email where he says he thinks I really do more than heart him but that I’m afraid of the consequences of that.  Because of my sheer distaste for the long-distance thing and not wanting to deal with it.  But that that is a conversation for another time.

I really don’t think that’s it.  And am annoyed that he’s trying to tell me what I feel.

I’m a hypocrite I guess because of the physical side of his visit.  But dammit, consenting adults and all that.  I love him to pieces as a friend, I’m comfortable with him, and we both wanted sex.  Is that so wrong?  Am I kidding myself?  

Game day

The past week has been a bit crazy.  Full of obscenely early conference calls and back to back meetings and little to no sleep.  I’m glad it’s over.

Went to happy hour with some friends last night.  That was a good idea.  I’m glad I didn’t wimp out and decide not to go.  It was good to sit and laugh and talk for a few hours. 

Tonight’s the first home Stars game since the Olympic break.  So I’m going to that.  Yay!  After that pathetic loss to Phoenix the other night, we better kick some Avs’ ass tonight.  An out-of-town Stars fan is in town this weekend, so we are meeting up before the game for dinner at Tony Roma’s. 

I’ve been horrible at staying on WW this week.  I blame the screwed up schedule, but that’s really no excuse.  I have just under 3 weeks until Dr Honeydew’s visit and was really hoping to be out of the 180s by then.  It’s still doable, but it’s going to take some real committment on my part to make it happen.  And more than just eating right…I’ve GOT to start exercising. 

I’ve almost reached full panic mode on that particular situation.  Almost.  I’m questioning everything.  But most of all, I’ve stepped waaaay back from him in a sense.  Because I think we’ve gotten a little too carried away with the idea that there are bigger things at work between us.  And I’d hate to have mislead him by encouraging those thoughts if, when he’s here, it turns out I’m not even remotely attracted to him.  Or vice versa.

But anyway, I don’t really feel like regurgitating all of that right now.  I’m just going to lay here and veg and watch a movie until it’s time to get ready to head towards downtown.

Potpourri

That word is just so lame.  I feel funny just saying it.  But that’s what this entry is going to be:  A combination of incongruous things.

Work is still crazy busy and making me feel utterly defeated because I haven’t been able to swoop in and save the day by working ridiculous hours to knock things out and get caught up.  I’ve done the ridiculous hours, but the catching up part has been elusive.  I’ve got all of these balls up in the air, so it came as no surprise when a few of them started falling today.  Luckily, new boss seems to be aware (thanks in part to old boss, I’m certain) of the fact that I’ve been managing way more than a full workload for some time now.  And has put things in motion to, hopefully, get me some relief soon.

My trip to San Diego is coming up at the end of March (after Dr Honeydew’s visit, of course).  This will be the first real vacation I’ve had since 2000 when Badass and I went to Mexico.  That’s just sad.  I am finally eligible for some of the perks that come with having a pilot for a brother and have yet to be able to take advantage of them.  Finally, I grew a spine and said enough is enough.  I am taking ONE WHOLE WEEK off from work.  Deal with it.

The U.S. Mens’ Olympic hockey started today.  It was on during the day, so of course I missed it.  Sadder than that, I completely forgot it was happening today.  And the most disheartening of all….our beloved team, filled to the brim with professional NHL players, TIED.  With Latvia.  Who the fook is that?  And why didn’t we skate circles around them?!   Oh well…maybe we just got off to a slow start and will start kicking ass now.

I am completely annoyed by the fact that the V-day gift I sent to Dr Honeydew has still not been received.  The ridiculous part is that, his real  gift was a preorder item that wasn’t scheduled to ship out until 2/14.  And since I didn’t want him to not get ANYTHING from me on the actual day, I sent him a little something else, along with a card, so that he’d atleast know I had thought of him.  I didn’t get it mailed as early as I planned, but still.  He should’ve had it by today.  I checked the status of the preorder item and it is scheduled to be delivered tomorrow.  The item I mailed Monday is not even showing up in the damn USPS tracking yet.  WTF?!

I did my taxes last weekend.  That was a pleasant surprise.  I had only been in my house for 3 months in 2004, so I didn’t get much benefit from the mortgage interest deduction.  This year, however, I’m getting more than double back over last year’s refund.  Woohooo!  Now the problem is figuring out what to do with it.  Put it towards another car?  Buy that much wanted new furniture?  Put it towards my credit card bill?  Buy that new digital SLR I’ve been eyeballing?  Put it in savings for emergencies?  I know I’ll keep some of it as spending money for my trip to California.  But I’d really like to do something useful with the rest.  With it alone, I can’t completely pay for new furniture or buy another car or pay off my debt.  But it would be a decent chunk towards any of those.  Putting it towards my debt, while probably smart, wouldn’t be very satisfying.  I’ll probably just hold onto it for awhile until I can decide.  I just don’t want to end up spending little bits and pieces here and there on random crap. 

Pheh.  It’s late.  I should try to get some sleep I suppose.  There just aren’t enough hours in the day anymore.

Oh…and P.S.  Could my dog possibly stop shedding?!  Damn.  I just vaccuumed and there is already hair all over the place again.  Stupid weather needs to make up its mind.

Return to the Land of the Living

So tonight, I actually made it a point to leave work early enough to make the Stars game.  I’ve missed attending entirely too many games lately due to work and realized enough is enough!  It was good to be among friends again, rather than spending all my time with co-workers and emails and support issues and such.  And even though my boys put forth a mostly lackluster performance, it was still a nice win.

There was a horribly scary moment when one of the Predators’ players went, what appeared to be, headfirst into the boards.  He bounced off the wall, face down and slid out across the ice.  And then didn’t move for a very long time.  You could have heard a pin drop at the AAC.  They ended up taking him off the ice on a stretcher.  Very scary.  They ended up calling a boarding penalty and game misconduct on one of our players, which didn’t make any sense.  Daley wasn’t close enough to the Pred to have boarded him.  But afterwards, we figured the refs probably made that call to settle tempers and prevent any possible retalliation by removing Daley from the game. 

We heard later that the other player was apparently ok, but that they were taking him to the hospital to get checked out, just to be safe.  Really hope all is well.  That was the freakiest thing I’ve ever witnessed during a game I think.

Supposed to go see some friends new house this weekend in conjunction with a superbowl party.  I have no interest whatsoever in watching the game.  Couldn’t even tell you who is playing.  But was promised that talking would not be taboo, so figure maybe it will be a chance to catch up with some of the girls at least. 

TGIF

Technically, it’s Saturday now.  But since I haven’t gone to bed yet, it still counts as Friday.  I was supposed to go to the game tonight but was too damn worn out and all I wanted to do was come home, put my pj’s on, drink some wine, watch the game, and veg. 

The Stars won in a shootout.  I’m still not crazy about those deciding the game, but I have to admit, they are pretty damn exciting to watch.  Even more so in person.  The whole crowd is on its feet cheering through every shooter’s attempt and every goalie’s save and every puck that makes it into the net (unless, of course, it’s against MY team).  It’s electrifying!

Now I am watching the 5th (of 6) disc of the second season of Queer as Folk.  Thanks to Mexigoalie for loaning them to me, I am so freaking hooked on this show. I don’t want to watch the last one yet because then what will I do?  It will be atleast a week before Netflix starts sending me season 3.

Jesus.  I really am living vicariously through gay characters on a tv show.  I guess gay sex is better than no sex though, right? The writers for this show are awesome.  The characters are incredible.  And there’s lots of hot guys and bare asses.  What’s not to like?  :)

Happy New Year!

The Stars have had a winning tradition on NYE for years.  They even fought to get the schedule rearranged so they could play at home on New Year’s again this year.  Something magical always seemed to happen at each year’s game.  This was the first NYE game I ever got to attend.  My baby daddy scored two goals.

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It was the only two goals the Stars scored all night.  We lost  3-2.  Dammit.  Why the hell did my boys wait until the 3rd period to start playing to win??  Oh yeah, and it was our group’s declared green hair night. 

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jh5366    100_5365a

We sat around on the patio, drinking appletinis and reflecting on the past year and what each of us had accomplished and learned in 2005.  We got a little emotional (I’m sure the alcohol helped) and talked about our friendships and relationships and stuff.  And then realized it was almost midnight so we ran back inside, grabbed the party hats and scrambled to find the countdown to the New Year on tv.

We found the channel just in time to catch the “3…..2…..1….” part.  I’m a dork and forgot the whole kissing thing that happens.  I’ve been home by myself on NYE the past 5 years.  So as we are all saying Happy New Year to each other, I give Nala a hug and he gave me a peck on the cheek.  The kissing thing still didn’t occur to me.  Then I go to give Curly a hug.  He was apparently going for a kiss and ended up with my cheek.  It wasn’t that I wouldn’t have kissed him, I just didn’t expect it.  And to make matters worse, I then kissed everyone else after that.  Everyone but Curly and Nala.  I hope he didn’t think I intentionally dodged him.

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>My faraway friend, I’ll call him Dr. Honeydew, called after midnight, on his drunken walk home.  So we passed the phone around and let everyone say hello and Happy New Year and stuff.  He’s an absolute doll and I love him to pieces.  I’ve alluded to him in here once before, but I won’t point it out now.  That’s a story for another day.

So, Curly is this guy that I’ve known for a year or two now.  He has short wavy hair, hence the Curly.  Tall.  Nice looking.  Incredibly dry wit.  Very quiet.  Introverted.  Very even-keeled.  He’s a great guy.  He really is.  And sometimes I think there is a potential relationship there.  Several of my friends insist that he’s into me.  I’m not so sure.  But the bigger question is, am I interested in him?  Sometimes yes.  Sometimes no.  I think maybe he’s too old for me.  I don’t necessarily mean in years, although he is about 8 years older.  What I mean is, he’s a lot more settled down.  A lot more laid back.  I don’t know if we’d like the same things, other than the Stars. 

Dr. Honeydew, who I can talk to about damn near anything, says that these are things you find out when you date someone.  And that I either want to date Curly or I don’t.  I, however, am of the opinion that I don’t want to cross that line of friendship to find out if I like him as something more.  Because it’s hard to backtrack from that and remain friends.  I think that, in spending more time with him as friends, I’ll learn more about which direction I am leaning and whether or not I really am interested in something more.  And if he is as well.  Dr. Honeydew says that is me being a chicken.

What say you?

Comments from old blog:Nilla – Jan 01, 06:  Which one is Curly?

I get really philosophical in themiddle of the night… I say, if you didn’t want to make the guy your soul partner, then, don’t push it. I personally don’t want to “settle” for someone. Yeah, he’s nice and I like him or whatever, but if there isn’t that pssion and connection then it’s just not there. I don’t think that kind of stuff grows from nothing.

SWF – Jan 01, 06:  Curly is the guy I’m hugging on my patio.

I know what you mean about not wanting to settle. Boy howdy, do I! There’s a spark there, I just think I’ve just become so overly cautious and guarded over the past few years that I am nit-picking every possible scenario and how it might play out.

Nilla – Jan 02, 06:  Yup, he’s pretty cute. And every time I see new pictures posted of you on here, I’m struck by how pretty you are! I don’t see why you’re trying to lose all that weight. I think you look fine!

 Laura – Jan 03, 06:  I think you should GO FOR IT with Curly :) I agree it would be scary, because when you cross over the friendship line it *IS* hard. And I know he’s mentioned things about certain attributes that are important to him in a woman that would be hard for anyone to live up to!! Like awesome credit scores and stuff. lmao But I think he is DEFINITELY into you. He’d be crazy not to be!! And I think he’s absolutely adorable. You definitely need to think about it, because of the friendship there. But I’d say it is definitely something worth thinking about!!!!

Daisy – Jan 03, 06:  Rats, Laura! I’d forgotten someone was reading that knows me in “real” life. LOL

And hey, I have an outstanding credit score! I’ve been more than responsible with my debt…I just have too much of it. 😛

Yes, he’s adorable. But I don’t know if we are compatible. I think we (all of us! lol) are a little too wild sometimes. I just don’t want it to be awkward. And if I’m wrong about it (on both sides), it could be.

Daisy – Jan 03, 06:  Oh, and Nilla. Thanks. But I have the benefit of only posting pics of me where I don’t have 5 chins or my gut rolls aren’t showing. 😛

Laura  – Jan 04, 06:  That’s okay….. your secret is safe with me! :)

STH Jersey Event

Today, Mexigoalie and I got to go get our free (well, it cost us the price of our season tickets being paid by August 19) jerseys and had the opportunity to select one of four player groups to autograph it. 

Group 1:  Mike Modano, Stu Barnes, Phillipe Boucher (wasn’t there…broke his finger in the game last night), Jaroslav Svoboda, and Stephane Robidas 

Group 2:  Bill Guerin, Jere Lehtinen, Martin Skoula, Nathan Perrott, and Trevor Daley
Group 3:  Marty Turco, Sergei Zubov, Niko Kapanen, Steve Ott, and Johan Hedberg

Group 4:  Brenden Morrow, Jason Arnott, Antti Miettinen, Jussi Jokinen, Jon Klemm

Contrary to popular assumptions, I did not elect to get group 1.  Since I already had Modano’s autograph on my Mo home (green) jersey, I wanted to get some of the others to sign my new away (white) jersey. 
We got there early and so weren’t too far back in the check-in line.  We picked up our jerseys and Mexigoalie and I chose Group 4.  Some friends of ours that were there also decided they just wanted their jerseys and would worry about autographs another day.  So they gave us their tickets for Group 3.

Group 4

In the first line, I didn’t have the guts to say much other than, “Thank you,” to the players.  I don’t know why I can’t talk.  Mostly I just don’t want to sound like an idiot, plus I can never think of anything original to say.  And after about 50 people before me and several hundred to follow, I figure they’ve heard it all.

Group 3

By the time we got up to the players in Group 3, I had a little more nerve built up.  But said mostly stupid lame dumb girl things like, “That’s a cool watch,” or “Great game last night.”  Ugh.  Mexigoalie asked Zubov if his heart was in his throat when he took that penalty in OT and left the team short-handed.  Zubov said, “No, I wasn’t worried.”  Then paused a beat and added, “Yes!”  and we all laughed about that.

Zubov

Then, because the lines were moving pretty smoothly, we were told they would let us in line for the other groups as well, even though we didn’t have tickets for those.

We went and got in group 2’s line, since it was the shorter of the two remaining.  Got through there pretty quickly and made our way to the Modano line of group 1.  That’s were our good fortune ended.  They wouldn’t let anyone else into that line without a ticket because there were still quite a few people waiting and only about 30 minutes left of the event.  So the only glances I got at my Mikey were through a glass window.

Stu & Mo

Oh well, I’m not complaining.  We both managed to get a jersey signed by the entire team, minus 5 players.  We’ll just have to catch a practice or other event sometime to get those last few. 

How cool is this??  Now I have something to wear when I catch my first 2 Stars road games in a few months!!  I’m (FINALLY) going to go visit my oldest brother, Dilbert, and his family in San Diego at the end of March.  So I’ve worked it out so that I will get to see them play in Anaheim and Los Angeles while I’m there!  Can’t wait!!  Although, my brother is already threatening to make me sit by myself at the games, since he knows I will be cheering (loudly) for the visiting team!

My away jersey

Go Mo! Go!

Mikey Mo had one hell of a game tonight.  He was like a man possessed…and more importantly, he looked, every inch, the Mike Modano superstar I’ve known and loved.  He scored a goal in the first minute of the game and another one before the first period was over.  We had the lead but ended up letting them come back and tie the game, forcing it to overtime.  After 5 minutes of a scoreless OT, we got to see our very first ever regular season shootout on home ice! 

Zubov, Jokinen, and Modano were the 3 shooters for Dallas.  Zubov missed his (he’s been incredible in the 2 we’ve faced on the road).  Jokinen slipped his past Carolina’s goaltender.  The visiting team made 2 of theirs.  So it was all up to Mikey as the third shooter for the Stars.  It was his first chance at a shootout in the regular season.  I’m not crazy about the new rules that allow a shootout to decide the winner in a tie game, but holy crap is it intense and exciting to watch!  And hallelujah, Mo made his shot!  And won the game for us!!!

Since a shootout goal is considered a “team” goal, he didn’t get the hattrick, but still.  No surprise that he was named the #1 Star of the Game.  And also the #1 Star of the Night from NHL.  YAY Baby Daddy! 

Week #5 Weigh In

Forgot to post it last night.

Last week’s weight:  190
This week’s weight:  189

Frankly, I am overjoyed by this.  I fully expected to have a gain this week.  All last week, when I was sick, I was snacking constantly because it helped scratch my throat.  And the anitibiotics I was on made me nauseous, so I kept eating crackers and soup (and occasionally a few bites of ice cream) to help settle my stomach.  I didn’t journal my food at all, but tried to be aware of my points…even though I know I went over a few days.  So after all that, to still lose a pound, GO ME!  :)

We have an HR end-of-year function this afternoon, but no meal this year.  Just snacks.  At some lame game place.  Sorry, I’m being negative, but to celebrate our year, I want to be entertained.  Not go bowling or play laser tag.

Next week is our department end-of-year celebration.  We’re going to spend the day at the Dallas World Aquarium and have a catered lunch.  I’m excited for that one.  It will be nice to have a calm, relaxing day on the boss’s dollar. 

I’m going to the Stars game tonight, so yay for that.  And to a season ticket holder event in the morning to pick up my free jersey (double yay) and meet the players and get autographs and such (triple yay), which means I will get to see my Darling Mikey again (I just blacked out). 

I have nothing to say.

Really, I don’t.  It’s late.  I should be asleep.   Besides, I sound like one of those mechanical voicebox things so you really don’t want me to say anything. 

I thought I was feeling better last Thursday.  So I met Mexigoalie, Nala, and Cat at Uncle Julio’s for Nala’s birthday on Friday afternoon.  Then went to the Stars game with Red (hey, I paid $50 for that ticket to sit in the lower bowl and I wasn’t about to let some silly illness make that money go to waste!).  All week I had been able to last, at most, 4 hours before curling up and sleeping for an hour or two.  The stupid decongestent my doctor gave me makes me sooo drowsy.  So by the time I got ready, drove to the restaurant, ate, and we headed to the game, I was already a good 3 hours into my semi-alert and awake time. 

Midway through the first period, my eyes were tearing up, my throat hurt, and I couldn’t pay attention to the game.  That’s right…I could not stay focused on the hockey game.  Now you know I felt like shit.

Stars vs Coyotes

Somehow, by the beginning of the 3rd period, I was feeling a little more human and was able to yell and scream and enjoy the game.  Except for the fact that I had essentially no voice.  We lost the game, which sucked.  And confirmed my superstition that I can not ever sit in a different seat again.  From now on, it’s my season ticket seat or bust. 

After the game, Red had begged and pleaded with us days in advance to meet up afterwards for post-game adult beverages.   So about 12 or so of us hit the Old No 7 for a few.  I guess the alcohol numbed my throat so I felt ok, but my voice was getting harder and harder to tolerate.

After staying longer than a sick girl should, I finally headed home around midnight.  Decided to stop at Jack in the Box for some coffee.  Now keep in mind that I had not uttered a word since I said bye to my friends and left the bar.  So it was to my complete surprise, and utter horror, that when I opened my mouth to order at the drive thru, I couldn’t get anything out louder than a whisper.   I had to pull around to the window and repeat myself (as if repeating the words in my head that I couldn’t seem to vocalize really did much good) and use various attempts at sign language to order my coffee. 

Three days later and I can talk now atleast.  But I sound like a complete freak.  Like I should be pushing some invisible button on my throat to speak.