Tag Archives: friendships

Can men and women really be “just friends”?

So the recent stuff with Dr H and Flirt (and me, too, I guess) has brought this question back in to my mind.  My brother and I used to have this discussion a lot.  I believed it was possible up until my early college years.  Duckie, being a guy, admits that he doesn’t know of any situation in which a guy is just friends with a girl and he doesn’t have some underlying motive.  Or hope.  Or want something from you.

My opinion on it when I was younger was always, of course we can be just friends.  However, in later years, after the first debate with Duckie about it, I see it differently.  Occasionally I think it is possible, but my opinion always comes back around to NO.

I always had a lot of guy friends in school.  And I was convinced that we were just very good friends.  I ignored all the innuendo and very obvious “clues” that were presented to me at the time.  Looking back, there wasn’t a single one of them that wasn’t standing by, being the shoulder to cry on, hoping to get in my pants if and when Psycho and I were on the outs.  And when they had a girlfriend, we suddenly didn’t hangout anymore.  Until one or both of us was presumably single again.

Girls, how many guys have you been friends with for any length of time that don’t fall into one of the following categories?

  • You’ve slept with or dated him
  • You want to sleep with/date him
  • He wants to sleep with/date you
  • He’s gay

It doesn’t happen very often, if at all.  I think we, as girls, like to think male friendships are completely normal and possible.  But talk to most any guy and ask them their opinion.  Odds are, he’s hoping for something more.  What that something is might vary, and he may not even be conscious of it, but I’ve yet to see this not be the case.

I’m not saying this is a good or a bad thing.  Just don’t kid yourself.

Dr H and I will continue to be friends.  And I know that somewhere, in the back of his mind, he still harbors the hope that we will evolve into more than that.  But he’ll meet someone else eventually.  And if and when he does, will he really still value my friendship all that much?  Once he’s “settled down” with someone, I sincerely doubt we’d talk much anymore.

That’s kind of sad that guy/girl friendships work that way.  But they do.  I mean, think about it…if you’re dating/married to some guy and one of his best friends is a girl, would you really be comfortable with that? 

I wouldn’t.  But then my boyfriends have always eventually ended up in bed with those “friends.”  Maybe I’m just jaded.