My Review:  1 of 5 stars

The title for this book is misleading. It should have been called “The Only Friend I Ever Had Treats Me Like Sh*t But I’ll Do Anything For Her Because She is My Only Friend.”  Seriously.

It’s a story we’ve seen time and time again. Two girls become close friends at a young age. As they grow older, one girl, Valerie, goes down the “popular” road while the other, Addie, binge eats and gets made fun of mercilessly.

Then, here is where Valerie’s true colors start to shine through: She tells Addie not let the teasing get to her and that she should just try harder. Um….kids spray-painted her driveway with the words, “fat whore.” Sure, just keep on smiling, Addie. Valerie ditches Addie for her cheerleader friends whenever she gets the chance, and, when she invites Addie to a big party their senior year, she admits that it’s because she knew her mom would let her go if she was with Addie.

When I discovered the tragic incident from their senior year that was alluded to for the first hundred or so pages, I couldn’t have liked Valerie less. Addie speaks up to defend her and basically becomes the laughing stock of the school because, her best friend denounced what she was saying as lies and jealousy.

All of this is told in flashback as the story jumps from present day to Addie and Valerie’s past. In the present, Addie hasn’t seen or heard from Valerie in 15 years. The night of their high school reunion, Valerie gets herself into big trouble and ends up knocking on Addie’s door asking for help.

Addie, even though she’s managed to lose a ton of weight, apparently has still not grown a backbone because the rest of the story, she lets Valerie convince her to run from the law, half rob a bank, and lead her around by the nose (all on Addie’s dime). Up until recently, Addie has lived like a friendless hermit, sustaining herself with online purchases that keep her from having to leave the house.

There’s much more to the story, tragedies galore, a hint of romance, and more cliches then you can shake a stick at. If this is what Addie, or the author, thinks best friends are made of, I feel sorry for the both of them.

She was in Italy, on her dream vacation, as a way to cope with spending her first holiday seperated from her son.  She had been posting happy updates to facebook chronicling her adventures in Tuscany and then Florence. 

And now she’s gone??  I can’t fucking believe it.

I am in shock.  I am confused.  I am pissed.  And I am heartbroken. 

I keep hoping and praying that her husband will call me when he gets there to tell me that it was all a big misunderstanding and that she is fine.  I don’t want this to be true.

In this case, I guess it is better to know so I can just stop it and move on.  I have had a massive crush on my friend, Curly, for years.  Early in our friendship, he made a comment about never dating a smoker, so I immediatey wrote off any chance of anything ever growing out of that friendship.  But it didn’t keep me from thinking he was an amazing guy, who shared a lot of the same values as me.  And maybe because he’s one of the few, seemingly decent, single guys I know, I fixated on him.  I absolutely adore him.  To the point that, tonight, at a bar to see one of his friends play in a cover band, a friend of mine decided to explore the topic with him.

Apparently we get along and have a lot in common, but it’s stricly platonic.  It stings a little, but at least I can finally just let it go.

It is now almost a week later.  They are still without power in Pinewood, but rumor has it sometime in the next day or two it should be back on.  I know they are anxious to get home.  I am mostly enjoying them being here, but I have to admit, as someone who lives by herself, it has been taxing on my sanity.  I’m a creature of habit and my normal routines have gone out the window.  Nothing compared to what they are going through though, so I am grateful to be in a position to help out in some way.

Her mom and 3 aunts all had beach houses at Crystal Beach.  yes, I said HAD.  All 4 of them are now GONE.  Completely disintegrated and washed away to parts yet unknown.  All that remains, from what we’ve been able to see in videos and online photos, is the concrete slabs. 

It’s so sad to see the massive destruction there and in Galveston.  Growing up, I (mis)spent a lot of my fun-filled youth cruising the beach and window shopping on the Strand. 

Anyway, just had a few quick minutes to myself and wanted to blog a bit while I was thinking of it.

I mentioned my crush in my last post.  Something I’ve had for awhile, with someone I’ve known for awhile (since 2002-ish) but wouldn’t allow to surface previously because of a conversation once where he indicated he didn’t want kids and wouldn’t date a smoker.  So I wrote him off immediately, but deep down, was still seriously digging him.  To make this easier, from now on I will just refer to him as Crush (although he has been mentioned previously in this blog under a different pseudonym).

One of my friends that I met a couple of years ago (early 2005?) met him and decided she liked him.  For current purposes, I will refer to her as Diva (although she has also been mentioned here previously as a different name).  Me, trying to be a good friend, and because I knew Crush well, decided to just ask him point blank if he was interested in her.  So I’d know whether or not to encourage her.  He quite quickly and emphatically responded NO.  So I tried to subtly steer her away from him.

In her narcissim, and because she asked him, she has concluded that he only likes skinny blondes with big boobs (while she is skinny, she’s brunette and smaller-chested).  I guess his sarcasm was lost on her.  But she reminds us all, including Crush, of this anytime the opportunity arises.  And yet, at any gathering he shows up for, she still flirts with him.  Still.

This past weekend, I hosted a game night at my house and Crush came.  Diva showed up later as well.  We were about to play a game.  I was sitting next to Crush on the couch and Diva was across the table from us and she immediately exclaimed that she and Crush should be partners.  I told her partners had to sit next to each other for this game because we had to share cards.  “Oh, ok.” was her deflated response.

As the night wore on and games changed and people shifted about, I had gone into the kitchen for something and the second I was up, she pounced on the couch next to Crush.  The next thing I know she’s re-enacting a scene on a recent flight where some lady was laying on the guy next to her.  Then she stretched out on the couch and had her feet up near Crush’s lap.

I don’t know why, but it absolutely enraged me.  Of course, I have never told her about my feelings for Crush.  Because I figure she would only tell me how far I was from his type, since she thinks she has him pegged so well.  I never told her about my conversation with him and his lack of interest in her.  I just let her reach her own conclusion,  but damn.  Give it up already.  Fuck.

I just can’t throw myself at someone like that.  Not that she’s really throwing herself at him, but it comes across that way to me.  Well, actually a couple of other people at the party mentioned it later, but anyway.  Those few people also know about my feelings, so they are just being supportive.  lol

The thing is, I love Diva.   I accept that she is flirty and I love her for it most days.  It’s just because it is Crush that she always focuses on when he is around…it drives me crazy.

Plus, I just feel so defeated.  I can’t compete with skinny people.  I can’t compete with non-smokers.  I can’t compete with flirty people.  It’s just not me.  Granted, Crush and I have been flirty with each other for years, but on a completely different, much more subtle level.  Winks here and there, odd smirks across the room, exchanged glances.  Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.  I don’t think so though.  But I’ve always accepted it more as a part of our friendship, not interest on his part.

Ugh.  I don’t know.  I think I just need to focus on getting myself back to a place where I’m happy with myself.  Then maybe good things will follow.

Say you’ve been friends with this guy for several years and have always liked and respected him.  Not to mention he cracks you up.  He helped you move and paint your house…And NOW, years later, you find yourself with a serious crush on him.  WTF do you do?!

The thing is, I don’t see this person very often, and much less often than in previous years.  I always kind of thought he was cute, but just thought he was too much older and set in his ways for me.  But now, 4-years later, the age gap doesn’t seem as big.  And his dry sense of humor is like spanish fly to me.  And hell, I’ve probably become more of a homebody than he is in that time.

I’ve confessed to only a very small handful of people and more than half of them has replied, “But HE has always had a crush on you!!!”  Honestly, I think they are just saying that to give me some guts to explore this possibility.  Plus, I was almost 60 lbs lighter then.  While I’ve joined a gym in an effort to correct that, I haven’t been going anything remotely like “regularly.”

Add to that the fact that I had one of my nervous breakdown crying fits with him back when I was in the deepest throes of my depression.  And I boohooed to him over Mazzy.  Oh, and there’s the time I blurted out, while drinking, about the time he and XYZ got it on.  Did I mention that he was sitting right beside me at the time and apparently that wasn’t common knowledge?

I am so clueless.  And doomed to remain single at this rate.

I never expected a friend to take advantage of me and use my name in a public forum to give himself some sort of credibility.  And ultimately, include my name in a lie.  A partial truth does not make it true.  That friendship is sadly over.  I have been devastated by it, but finally came to accept that that is not a friendship I’m willing to fight to keep.  Especially when one side cannot accept any responsibility and only point fingers elsewhere.

I never expected friends to so harshly criticize another one of my friends TO me.  Over and over.  You don’t have to have the same friends as me, that’s fine.  But to take every opportunity to talk badly about someone that you KNOW I am friends with, and then to act all indignant when I am “overly-defensive” about it…I just don’t get that.  If it was you people were badmouthing, you’d certainly expect me to defend you.  And I have.

Guess what?  I don’t like some of your friends either, but I’d never try to point out all their faults to you because I respect our friendship.  And because it’s not my business.  This one has been eating away at me for 2 days, can you tell? 

 See, when in the moment, I rarely react.  I don’t cause a scene.  I bite my tongue.  I try to keep the peace.  Then it festers inside me and I want to just explode at that person.  But the rational side of me says, don’t do that…you’ll say something you’ll regret.  So in the end, I feel like a doormat.  And THAT pisses me off even more.

And then to top it all off, I feel like I am surrounded by infidelity lately.  Real or imagined.  Attempted or acted upon.  Online or in person.  I’m just sickened by all of it.  And so disappointed. 

While I try not to judge, it is yet another thing that is forcing me to re-examine some of my friendships.  In one scenario, I want to beat the offending party to a pulp, because that friend broke my (closer) friend’s heart.  And yet, in another, where my friend is the offender, I want be there for them.  And in a third, I want to cease interactions with both parties.  Is it the difference in the “level” of indiscretion that makes me react differently?  Is it the length of my friendship with them that effects my feelings towards it?  Am I a hypocrite?  What is wrong with people?!?!

Again, perhaps my expectations in all relationships are too high.  And perhaps this is why I haven’t found someone to share my own life with.  And perhaps I never will.  And that depresses me.

So I signed up, only to find out that my young family members don’t seem to be on there…at least not that I’ve been able to discover thus far.  However, a number of my friends are and had been trying to get me on there for awhile, so in came the deluge of friend requests from them, which I accepted.

Since that time, I have spent time EVERY DAY on that blasted site.  There is entirely too much to do on there.  None of it worthwhile or valuable or redeemable.  I can buy and sell my friends, take care of my computer-animated puppy, send plants to friends while saving the rainforests, be a mob boss, play word games and Texas Hold ‘Em, give drinks and teddy bears and water globes and hatching eggs to friends….it’s insane.  And I love it.

Hi.  My name is Daisy-Head and I am a facebook addict.

Red and V went to Los Cabos last year (I couldn’t go because they accidentally scheduled it on top of a work conference I had to attend).  Red and V had never really hung out or spent time together one on one, so they got to know each other a little better I suppose.  V is very laid-back most of the time, and was looking forward to carefree days, lounging by the pool or on the beach.  Red, who had been through some rough stuff with her husband recently, was in full let-her-hair-down-and-live-it-up mode.  So needless to say, there were some conflicts.  Nothing major, and they both had fun, but I guess some residual comments have been made.

Either way, Red and I are going to have a blast.  I just know it!  I’m all for lounging with a book and a pina colada on the beach, sight-seeing, and nights out partying.  We’ve got 5 days, so time for a little of everything.  And since Red and I DO hang out and DO know each other pretty damned well, I don’t think we’ll have any problems telling the other one when we’ve had enough of something.

The downside, Red is about 5 foot 4 inches tall, with a great figure.  Me, I’m 5 foot 7, and a good 70 pounds heavier right now…the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.  We’re going to look like Mutt & Jeff.  I didn’t get nearly as serious about going to the gym these past two months as I’d planned, so haven’t made much progress there.  But at least for the past two weeks, a fire was lit under my proverbial ass, and I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard on the weekends at least.  During the week, I just can’t make myself get up early enough to go before work.  And after work, I’m just drained.  Excuses, I realize, but it just ain’t happening. 

I started fake-baking last weekend, in the attempt to get some kind of base color on my lily white self, otherwise I’m likely to burst into flames at the beach!   I’m not tan by any means, but I have at least gotten a tiny bit of color…and still have the rest of this week to work on that and keep going to the gym.  I won’t be a bronzed goddess in any way, shape, or form, but I figure there’s nothing like the last minute panic to do as much improvement as I can. 

I’m doing laundry and (re)assessing my wardrobe options.  I’ve been shopping like a fiend lately, mostly trying to find some shorts that I like.  Yeah, the shorts I own don’t fit right now.  Did I mention that part about being the heaviest I’ve ever been?  Ugh.  Depression does as much damage outwardly as it does inwardly.  But yeah, I think I’ve got most of my clothing together.  Just need to do more planning of outfits to figure out what goes with what and, of course, to make sure I have enough day/night outfits, shoes, etc.  I figure later this week I’ll actually attempt to start loading the suitcase.

And with that, time to get up and get some stuff done around the house before I head to the gym and to tan.

Happy Sunday!

I managed to make it up in time for Miss Hut’s shower this morning, even with the feelings of exhaustion and malaise.  But despite my best efforts, I still ended up being late because I got the directions all screwed up.  Averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night for a few weeks will do that to you.  That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!  The shower was really nice and Miss Hut was fun to watch opening her gifts.  She was so excited about everything!

I felt a little “outside” the group.  Maybe it’s because I haven’t been around much lately.  Or maybe I’m just making myself feel that way.  Self-ostracizing or something.  A lot of the girls who weren’t really that close before seem to have paired off and become the best of friends now.  Yay for them, I guess.  It’s just weird to see how much things have changed in a matter of a month.  Or maybe they haven’t really changed at all and it’s just something you can only see once you’ve been distanced from it.  I’m not making any sense.  Nevermind.

I stopped by Wolf Camera on my way home to, finally, drop off some film from two of the lomolitos and two regular rolls.  I don’t even know what all is going to be on them since they got shot over the course of a couple of months.  I know the rest of the BotB pictures are on some of them.

While I was there, I had to wander over to visit my baby, the Nikon D70S.  Since I wasn’t feeling too well, I was just going to look at it longingly for a minute or two (that has become my ritual) and then head home.  Yet, before I was even aware of what I was doing and could stop myself, there I was, standing at the counter with no other customers in sight, and I ended up asking the sales guy if I could take a look at it.

I should really stop tormenting myself.  I try to not to have physical contact with the camera very often because I know the temptation is more than I can bear.  I WANT THAT CAMERA!!!  This was, purposefully, only the 2nd time I’ve held an untethered D70 in my hands.  And it was also the closest I’ve come to taking it home with me.  Thankfully, another customer had some questions, so I told the sales guy, who has acommodated my D70 lust and no-touching rule a few times before,  he could go help them and let me play with the camera for abit (and drool over it). 

While checking out the various program modes, testing the autofocus vs manual, figuring out the digital controls for aperture, shutter speed, even ISO, and generally just checking this badboy out, I had convinced myself to finally go ahead buy it since they were offering 10 months no interest.   I was all giddy with excitement!  Then somehow, clearer thoughts prevailed and I forced myself to set the camera down and do some realistic thinking.  Rough calculations in my head indicated, on a 10-month financing deal, I’d have to shell out about $130 a month to pay it off. 

My bubble burst.  I went from feeling elated to depressed in the span of about 5 minutes.  I don’t have an extra hundred bucks a month right now.  And I won’t any time soon.  Sigh.  When I go back Monday to pick up my film, I will not even glance in the direction of the cameras.  Not the next time either.  Not until I know I’m ready for it. 

I know one thing to be true:  The next time I stand at a retail counter and allow myself to wrap my hands around the hefty digital goodness that is the D70, I will buy it.  It will be mine.  Oh yes, it will be mine.