So many things have happened in the past month, even the past year, but none of them will ever come close to the devastating loss of my best friend. I know I need to write about it, to preserve my own memories, and perhaps as a way to help exorcise some of this pain.
I’m just not ready to do that yet. I have entirely too much anger in me right now….which turns into guilt, which turns into overwhelming sadness, which turns into anger again.
Today I found out that one of my very best friends, Red, died of an overdose while in Italy. Of what, I don’t yet know. I got the news via a rushed text message from her (estranged) husband who was about to board a plane to go bring her home. I was able to talk to him for less than two minutes before he had to get off the phone. I don’t know all the details, only that I refuse to believe this was intentional.
She was in Italy, on her dream vacation, as a way to cope with spending her first holiday seperated from her son. She had been posting happy updates to facebook chronicling her adventures in Tuscany and then Florence.
And now she’s gone?? I can’t fucking believe it.
I am in shock. I am confused. I am pissed. And I am heartbroken.
I keep hoping and praying that her husband will call me when he gets there to tell me that it was all a big misunderstanding and that she is fine. I don’t want this to be true.
