- Even hockey has lost its charm. #
- If one more person tells me, “Heather would want you to….” do this or that, I’m going to punch them in the throat. You’ve been warned. #
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Twitter Weekly: 2009-12-18
December 18th, 2009There are no words…
December 1st, 2009Today I found out that one of my very best friends, Red, died of an overdose while in Italy. Of what, I don’t yet know. I got the news via a rushed text message from her (estranged) husband who was about to board a plane to go bring her home. I was able to talk to him for less than two minutes before he had to get off the phone. I don’t know all the details, only that I refuse to believe this was intentional.
She was in Italy, on her dream vacation, as a way to cope with spending her first holiday seperated from her son. She had been posting happy updates to facebook chronicling her adventures in Tuscany and then Florence.
And now she’s gone?? I can’t fucking believe it.
I am in shock. I am confused. I am pissed. And I am heartbroken.
I keep hoping and praying that her husband will call me when he gets there to tell me that it was all a big misunderstanding and that she is fine. I don’t want this to be true.
Twitter Weekly: 2009-12-04
December 1st, 2009- wishes the car would unload itself. #
- I can’t say anything nice so I’m not saying anything at all. #
- my Dr seriously just prescribed massages. Screw that, gimme some drugs! #
- cannot think of any news worse than the news i just got. please tell me this is a sick joke. #
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Twitter Weekly: 2009-11-27
November 27th, 2009- Starting Prodigal Son by Dean Koontz http://bit.ly/7nn5ib #
- slept (in my bed!!) until after 10am. It was lovely! Now I’m ready to tackle the day. #
- On page 192 of Prodigal Son by Dean Koontz http://bit.ly/7v7jH7 #
- Reading Trunk Music. started listening to this one at the gym today http://bit.ly/7QBg4V #
- Mondays are much more bearable when it’s only a 3-day work week! #
- I can’t even get through lunch and already want to strangle someone. Is it Wednesday yet?? #
- Well CRAP. And I mean that literally. #
- @photonaturalist LOVE that quote!! in reply to photonaturalist #
- I’m my own worst enemy. #
- Actions speak louder than words. #
- @joacerbaser All that she wants is another baby!! in reply to joacerbaser #
- I’m a little verklempt…talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: The peanut is neither a pea nor a nut. Discuss. #
- @joacerbaser Now that damn song is stuck in my head. I HU. in reply to joacerbaser #
- On page 121 of City of Night by Dean Koontz http://bit.ly/4BAK9P #
- is on the road in comfort, not style. Hope I don’t get pulled over by the fashion police. #
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Just calling it like I see it.
November 24th, 2009So, I didn’t send that email, but after not hearing from him in almost a week and him not responding anymore, I saw him online today,. I ended up sending a him a message. Since clearly he wasn’t going to contact me and I am tired of playing the waiting game.
So I IM’d him and said that although he told me not to feel like I was bugging him, that I couldn’t help but feel that I WAS. And that it seemed like if I didn’t call or message him, I never heard from him. So that I was going to just back off and leave him alone. He responded and said he would just have to call and message me then. No, that’s ok, I told him. If he wanted to, he would’ve already been doing that. Then he disappeared from the IM window. Not sure if it was accidental or on purpose, but either way.
I followed up with an email and just said that I hoped I didn’t sound rude earlier, that I wasn’t mad or anything, but that, ever since I went down to Beaumont to see him, he has been completely different towards me. And very distant. I wrote that I think he has had a change of heart and just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. So I would let him off the hook. No worries, and that we are still friends as far as I’m concerned.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but I meant it when I said I was not going to play games. I said what I needed to say so that I could retain an ounce of self-respect rather than throwing myself at some guy who clearly is just not that into me.
Yeah, it stings a little. Even though I don’t have any illusions that he would’ve been THE guy. I couldn’t picture us together long-term, but I was willing to deal with the distance to find out. The worst part is to have had some semblance of hope restored only to be snuffed back out.
The email I will never send
November 23rd, 2009Because apparently even NOT playing games turns into playing games. And, on the advice of others, I’m just going to step way back from the situation and return to the platonic friendship phase. If he really wants more, he’s going to have to prove it.
Ok, help me out please. I’ve been trying not to bring this up, because I’m sure I’m getting on your nerves, but I’m confused. I would talk to you on the phone about this but didn’t want to put you on the spot and there’s usually not enough time. So….another long email….You are completely different towards me than you were before I went down to Beaumont. You managed to have time to talk to, call, IM, whatever with me before. And you were the one who was so sure we would still have feelings for each other and that we would be good together. You sent me that (ridiculously sweet) poem about having another chance with me and not wasting it…Call me crazy, but when I’m interested in someone, I want to talk to them, no matter what else I’ve got going on. I want to see you. I want to find out where things will lead with us. And if we have to drive 5 hours for that to happen, I’ve accepted that. But when I ask you about coming to Dallas, you tell me you aren’t very reliable? You tell me not to feel like I’m bugging you if I call, but you also tell me you haven’t been calling or writing because you don’t feel like talking to anyone. Can you see why that is confusing for me? If I were to refer to one of those handy self-help books, it would say that you are clearly “just not that into” me. If that’s the case, please just let me know.If I’m not giving you enough time or space or whatever, just say so. I know I have a tendency to be impatient. But I figure we have had a couple of decades (yikes! we are old!) to figure out what we want in life. And if it’s not me, or if you’re unsure, you can tell me (hell, I’m not sure, but I would like to find out). Like you said before, we will always be friends.I need you to talk to me…tell me what you are thinking, please. Because before, I was the one with all the doubts and worries about the distance, different lives, etc. But, that night at my parents’ house, you told me not to worry, that we could make this work. I wanted to believe you, so I decided to stop worrying about all the other stuff and really give this a fair chance. But I feel like now you are the one who doesn’t think it is worth the effort. I can’t do this by myself. And I don’t really know what to do with my feelings right now. You stirred them all up…now what?
Twitter Weekly: 2009-11-20
November 20th, 2009- thinks sometimes it’s best to let the past stay in the past. #
- Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. #
- Please don’t tell me perhaps, perhaps, perhaps… #
- Time to call in reinforcements….Maid Brigade is coming today!!
# - cross your fingers…trying to get new inspection! #
- “Let me rest gently on your pecs!” #
- @shumpy76 – it was the emissions part I was worried about. Luckily my check engine light stayed off just long enough to pass! in reply to shumpy76 #
- @JenniferWinberg – IDK…I kind of wonder b/c I had quite a few “abnormal” ones when I was younger that turned out to be nothing. in reply to JenniferWinberg #
- RT @someecards: New user card for gals who have a habit of going rogue! http://bit.ly/2dLhe #
- Two good days in a row would be too much to ask for, I suppose. #
- A professional, conservative woman just confessed to me she is a HUGE Twilight fan. And got a tattoo to prove it. That is so wrong. #
- TGIF! Even if it is raining. Perfect night for staying in and watching movies. Yeah, I’m old. #
- @jgonzales35 we rock. in reply to jgonzales35 #
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It’s sad that it takes a book for us to realize this!
November 20th, 2009
Be Honest: You’re Not That into Him Either – Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve by Ian Kerner
My review: 4 of 5 stars
Any guy who writes a book titled, “She Comes First,” must know what he’s talking about, and that appears to be the case here. It’s kind of sad to admit that a lot of what Kerner discusses in this book is spot on. We have lowered our standards. We do tend to settle for the “in the meantime,” rather than be alone.
Some takeaway quotes:
- What is the point of dating someone if he doesn’t make you feel great?
- What is the point of casual sex if the sex part isn’t any good?
- Dating “in the meantime” is wasted time. Someday is right now. Life is too precious to get stuck in an endless cycle of meantimers who will never, ever wind up with you in the here and now.
Why We Love…
November 20th, 2009
Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love by Helen Fisher
My review: 3 of 5 stars
This was pretty interesting. Understanding the chemical changes that cause us to fall in “love” may not mean we can control it, but we can certainly have more influence over who we do and who we don’t give the opportunity to trigger those chemicals being released!
A Sunday afternoon epiphany
November 15th, 2009I was sitting here watching this cheesey movie, and one of the characters asked another if she believed in happy endings. I felt an overwhelming sadness as I realized that I don’t. Not anymore. I’m not even convinced I believe in happiness right now. I think maybe it’s just a myth.
