See?  I just can’t stick to the topic.  I get carried off on tangents, just like my Grammy K used to. 

Ok, junior high.  I was in UIL both 7th and 8th grade.  This time it was for Prose.  I remember in 8th grade I read an excerpt from To Kill a Mockingbird.  I had so much fun doing that one.  It was the part where the teacher freaks out over finding a “cootie” in a child’s hair.  I was the Student Council President in 8th grade.  I also started playing volleyball in 7th grade (first year we had the opportunity).  I played every year after that, all the way through graduation.  I was never what I would call “athletic” but for some reason, I fell in love with volleyball.  I was pretty good, too. 

Anyway, sticking to the topic, I also was a cheerleader in 8th grade and my freshman year in highschool.  I didn’t try out again after that because 1) it interfered with volleyball, and 2) it stopped being fun when it became all about popularity.  I marched to the beat of my own drum, and in a small town school, that was not something  that fostered popularity or a desire to be with that group.  Not that they were bad people, I just wasn’t into the same things they were for the most part.  I had my “bad boy” boyfriend by then, too, which didn’t help matters.  I hope this is not sounding bitter or mean.  I’m trying not to get carried away with stories right now and just giving some basics.  The bad boy and I got together in 7th grade and were off and on, mostly on, through graduation.  I’ve referred to him previously here as Psycho (he called himself that back then, so I’m not being ugly by calling him that). 

High school:  As I mentioned, I played volleyball all 4 years.  We had a freshman, JV, and varsity team.  Midway through my freshman season, I was moved up to JV.  By my sophmore year, I was on varsity.  My senior year, I was named to the All District team, voted my team’s MVP and Best Offensive player.  It was an interesting year because basically, by then, I was the only senior on the team.  It was a “rebuilding” year.  We had 2 juniors and the rest of the team were sophmores.  Apparently a period of disinterest in volleyball over those few years, I don’t know.  But it was still fun and one of my very favorite parts of my high school experience.  I was also voted the “Volleyball Sweetheart” for Homecoming.  I didn’t tell anyone I was planning to do this, but my dress had a long slit up on leg.  So, when they escorted us out onto the field and announced me, I popped one leg out from the dress and had on my red volleyball kneepad!  It was awesome!  My coach loved it and, for atleast the next couple of years while she was still at that school, it became a tradition that the volleyball sweetheart wear a kneepad out on the field.   

I was on student council, but that was pretty lame and we never really did much of anything.  I only did that two years I think.  I was in FHA and the FHA reporter for one year.  That Future Homemaker’s of America.  Looking back, I’m surprised that there was a group essentially dedicated to those who aspired to be….stay at home mom’s.  No one took it for that reason though, but if I read back over some of the materials about FHA, that’s essentially what it was.  We all took it because it was fun and easy and the teachers were cool.    I don’t think I was in UIL 9th or 10th grade.  Not for lack of wanting to be, the teachers just didn’t seek us out like they did in younger grades.  In fact, I don’t think I even realized UIL still existed until my sophmore year when my English teacher asked why I wasn’t participating. 

In 11th grade, I took typewriting (yes, back when we still actually used typewriters instead of computers) as one of my electives.  That teacher immediately recruited me for UIL typing.  So, 11th and 12th grade I did that.  In 11th grade, I won at district, advanced to regionals, and right before the contest, I jammed my finger playing volleyball.  It was off-season, so it was just a stupid injury from goofing around in the gym during athletics.  Needless to say, my typing teacher wasn’t thrilled with me.  My finger was swollen and I could barely bend it.  But I suffered through it and still managed to get 3rd place.  Not high enough to advance though.  My senior year, after again winning and advancing, my teacher joked with me about how she better not see me anywhere near a volleyball before contest.  Yet somehow, I don’t even remember the circumstances, but you guessed it, I jammed a finger (different one this time, but also from volleyball).  She heard about it before I even made it out of the gym to head to lunch.  I was less driven and less serious about typing that year, I will admit.  And I will never pass up a chance to play volleyball, so….I did ok at contest, but again, not enough to advance to state.  When I think back, I’m irritated at myself for that.  If I’d been 100%, I have no doubt I could have advanced.  Based on the scores of those who did, I KNOW I could have.  I was getting practice scores that high on a regular basis.  But, I was having too much fun being a senior to practice and focus (and skip gym for a few weeks).  It would have been fun to go to state contest, but at the time, I would rather stay home and hang out with the boyfriend and my two best gal pals.  Ah, the follies of youth.

I was also in One Act Play in high school.  Every year except freshman.  That was a lot of fun, too.  I won a couple of awards my senior year.  I was never in a starring role, which was fine with me because, as I mentioned before, I was kind of flaky in high school.  I was all about spending every spare second with Psycho. 

Ok, I think that pretty much sums up my school activities, the officially sanctioned ones at least.

V turned up a little later and regailed us with stories of her vacation in Viet Nam.  She’s the only person I know who can return from a 2-week trip, a long ass plane ride, and then be up for meeting for drinks within a couple of hours of returning home. 

There was a brief moment when Red thought we might end up in a fight with random guy’s girlfriend, but that appeared to be unwarranted.  So, aside from the initial trepidation about returning, it was a great night!

Quotes of the evening:

Red:  She just got back from Viet Nam. 
Drunk guy:  Whoa.  Are you in the service?  Are you ok? 
V:  Um…you know that war is over, right? 
Drunk guy:  Sorry.  I’m not very educated.

“Tell striped-shirt-guy that I will make him moan all night.”

Red:  Just how horny are you?  
V:  DAMN horny. 
Red:  Ok, let me see what I can do (as she wanders off to chat up random guys).

I never expected a friend to take advantage of me and use my name in a public forum to give himself some sort of credibility.  And ultimately, include my name in a lie.  A partial truth does not make it true.  That friendship is sadly over.  I have been devastated by it, but finally came to accept that that is not a friendship I’m willing to fight to keep.  Especially when one side cannot accept any responsibility and only point fingers elsewhere.

I never expected friends to so harshly criticize another one of my friends TO me.  Over and over.  You don’t have to have the same friends as me, that’s fine.  But to take every opportunity to talk badly about someone that you KNOW I am friends with, and then to act all indignant when I am “overly-defensive” about it…I just don’t get that.  If it was you people were badmouthing, you’d certainly expect me to defend you.  And I have.

Guess what?  I don’t like some of your friends either, but I’d never try to point out all their faults to you because I respect our friendship.  And because it’s not my business.  This one has been eating away at me for 2 days, can you tell? 

 See, when in the moment, I rarely react.  I don’t cause a scene.  I bite my tongue.  I try to keep the peace.  Then it festers inside me and I want to just explode at that person.  But the rational side of me says, don’t do that…you’ll say something you’ll regret.  So in the end, I feel like a doormat.  And THAT pisses me off even more.

And then to top it all off, I feel like I am surrounded by infidelity lately.  Real or imagined.  Attempted or acted upon.  Online or in person.  I’m just sickened by all of it.  And so disappointed. 

While I try not to judge, it is yet another thing that is forcing me to re-examine some of my friendships.  In one scenario, I want to beat the offending party to a pulp, because that friend broke my (closer) friend’s heart.  And yet, in another, where my friend is the offender, I want be there for them.  And in a third, I want to cease interactions with both parties.  Is it the difference in the “level” of indiscretion that makes me react differently?  Is it the length of my friendship with them that effects my feelings towards it?  Am I a hypocrite?  What is wrong with people?!?!

Again, perhaps my expectations in all relationships are too high.  And perhaps this is why I haven’t found someone to share my own life with.  And perhaps I never will.  And that depresses me.

I’m just really disappointed.  About a lot of things really.  But the latest news was a serious blow to the gut.  You know how you say, “Oh X would NEVER do something like that.”  You are so strong in your belief and faith in this person that you would never waver or even consider it a possibility.

Well, like the saying goes…never say never.  I know we all have our breaking points, and we can only take so much, and considering I’m not in that position, it’s easy for me to say I would never do something like that either.  But these things can creep up on you.  And I think that is what happened to X.  Can you really blame a person for wanting, no, needing something?

I’m not so much disappointed in X as I am at what our society is becoming, at what is acceptable, at what is valued and what is not, and how we are all at risk in one way or another.  Seven deadly sins and all.

I’m not much of one to pray, but I don’t mind admitting that I’ve been praying for X.  It’s not a good path….but I will try to knock some sense into, be there for, support, and love no matter what. 

I’m keeping the faith.

As many laughs as I’ve gotten out of it, I have to admit some of them have been really sweet, too. I guess love really does no know bounds. If a beer can and christmas lights decorated archway makes someone happy, who am I to judge?

Check out these vows!

RE: United States v. Defendant(s) Cxxxxxx Nxxxxx Hardaway

This notice provides information about the above-referenced criminal case.
A trial is scheduled on December 3, 2007, 09:00 AM…..

That’s what I’m talking about! All that fraud paperwork is paying off so far. Turns out there were 6-8 people involved in this check stealing/fraud ring. And multiple FDIC financial institutions. Most of the other defendants changed their plea to guilty after a trial date was set and have sentencing hearings scheduled. Will be interesting to see what happens with this one. All I know is this is the girl my stolen check was made out to and who cashed it, and I wasn’t the only “victim.” Can you say multiple felony charges?!

Charges:

• Conspiracy to commit offense or to defraud US (1)
• Bank fraud (5)
• Theft or receipt of stolen mail (2)

I know who I’m rooting for!

I will say, without giving too much away for anyone who hasn’t seen The Break Up but would like to, I was relieved that it didn’t go for the obvious happily-ever-after ending.

A (former) friend of mine, who was great at producing little nuggets of wisdom and quotes, taught me a number of things at a time in my life when I was willing to accept them. One of which was, you teach people how to treat you. And another, a woman’s heart slams shut. When we’re done, we are just done and no amount of talking or flowers or romantic gestures is going to change that. Granted, it may take some of us a loooong time to reach that point, but once we do, there is no turning back.

The peculiar thing to me is why some of us (both men and women) have a tendency to stay in a relationship that has soured. There’s the convenience factor, sure. And fear of being on your own again. But honestly, why should any of us settle for anything less than someone who loves and respects us as much as we do them?

After a cumulative 13 years of unhealthy, one-sided relationships, that is what I’m holding out for. Even if it means another 6 years of being single! And if it doesn’t happen, at least I’ve learned how to be happy on my own. I may forget that at times, but it is probably one of the most valuable lessons you can learn in life.

“Insight is not a lightbulb that goes off inside our heads. 
It is a flickering candle that can easily be snuffed out.”

We often do ourselves more harm than good by overthinking things and end up confusing the issue.  The real trick is learning to acknowledge those flickering candles and when to follow your gut because, as this book illustrated time and again, it rarely leads you in the wrong direction.

How many times have you done something that you initally thought you shouldn’t?  But you talked yourself, or allowed yourself to be talked, into it because all logical thought indicated there was no reason not to.  And you end up wondering why you were ever hesitant to begin with.

I’ve done it throughout my life.  Quite a few times.  And every time, afterwards, I berated myself for not listening to my own intuitions.  It would’ve saved me, and often times others, a lot of agony and unneeded stress…

I knew, before I ever met Dr H, that I would not be attracted to him.  I knew he wasn’t my “type.”  I knew after spending 5 minutes with him that I didn’t like him like that.  And never would.  Alcohol and sex can’t change that.  I knew there was more to the story with Flirt.  I knew that camera stuff was odd.

I knew, almost every time that Asshole, aka Door #3,  told me he was “working late,” or had some elaborate story about something…even a seemingly innocent story.  I KNEW he was cheating.  But I made myself wait until I had proof.  Screw proof!  I KNEW!  That should’ve been enough.

I won’t bore you with more examples.  The point is…Sometimes, you just know things.  Don’t ignore that or second-guess it or try to explain it.  It happens.  And it’s a good thing.

Comments from the old blog:

gak – Jul 20, 06: Daisy!!!! i totally know what you mean. have you taken the myers-briggs- type deal at http://similarminds.com/jung.html

please please tell me that you have a very high “N” because i do too… and it couldn’t reinforce the meaning of this post any more strongly.

amen sistah– listen to your intuition.

xo-
gak, ENFP

Daisy- Jul 30, 06: We had to do the Myers-Briggs thing at work a few years back. I’ll have to go dig and find my result booklet, but I’m pretty sure I was INTJ.

Teen Girl 1:  OMG, I can’t believe we almost forgot the coffee.  That’s totally what we came in here for.

Teen Girl 2:  I know.  We completely spaced.  That’s what I do when I write.  I just totally space out.

TG1:  Yeah, but your poetry is sooooo good.  It’s very deep and haunting.

TG2:  It’s weird, like it just pours out of me.   But I can only write when I’m angry or depressed.  (laughs)  So pretty much all the time.

TG1:  Yeah.  Life sucks.

I wish I could’ve told them to enjoy it.  That these really are some of the best years of their lives.  But then I would’ve been that crazy old  lady who doesn’t understand them or their daily struggles.  And god forbid I be that person.

It amused me because I was the same way for much of my very young life.  I wrote like crazy and all my friends thought (or atleast claimed to think) I wrote such deep, profound, moving things.  I look back at some of those poems now and feel a little embarrassed, but mostly just laugh.  Those big huge earth-shaking dramas of youth.  The teen angst.  The forbidden love.

I really was a cliche.  I embraced depression.  I was melancholy.  I wore black.  I dressed funny.  I rebelled.  I was goth before goth was cool dammit. 

Now, it’s funny to see that I wasn’t nearly as original as I thought.  And these 2 girls aren’t either.  It’s a rite of passage that we all go through.  And I envy them their journey. 

Here’s what I can think of pretty readily that I actually say somewhat often:

Pretty In Pink:

• Come on!  Let’s plow!
• Do I O-ffend?
• I used to have a great butt.  I did!!!  I loved my butt!!
• Yo man, next time I’ll kick yo ass.  That’ll be that.
• May I admire you again today?
• I’m off like a dirty shirt!

Tombstone:

• I’m your huckleberry.
• …I forgot you where there.  You may go now.
• Then again, you may be the anitchrist.
• I stand corrected.  You’re an oak.
• I have not yet begun to defile myself.
• You’re no daisy.  You’re no daisy at all!
• Does this mean we’re not friends anymore?  If I thought you weren’t my friend, I don’t think I could bear it.

Grosse Point Blank:

• Don’t you get it??  You don’t get to have me!
• You’re a handsome devil.  What’s your name?
• Dumb fucking luck.
• Do you really believe there’s some stored up conflict between us?  There is no us.  So who do you want to hit, man?  It’s not me.

Team America:  World Police

• I’m gonna cut off your balls and shove them up your ass so that the next time you shit, you shit all over your balls.
• Why is everyone so fucking stupid?  Why can’t people be more interrrigent, rike me?

Singles:

• I was just nowhere near your neighborhood.
• Am I coming off as too intense?  Because I can be intensely laid back.
• I think, #1, you have an act and that, #2, not having an act is your act.

The Princess Bride:

• As you wish!
• Inconceivable!
• You keep saying that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means. 
• Life is pain.  Anyone who tells you different is selling something.
• Am I going mad?  Or did the word, “think” just escape your lips?
• I would not say such things if I were you!

Whoa…that’s a pretty long list already.  I’ll stop there.  What are some of yours?  Either favorites or just lines you tend to say sometimes?