Category Archives: At Home

Why am I so tired?

I’m eating better, drinking more water, trying to be more active (compared to my “normal” routine atleast).  But I still can’t make myself go to sleep at a reasonable hour.  And every day, when I get home from work, all I want to do is sleep.  Somehow I’ve managed to not to nap today, despite getting 6 hours of sleep last night. 

Luckily, I have no early meetings tomorrow.  So there should be no paranoia about oversleeping and being late.  And since I’m dead tired right now, here’s hoping I can get myself to sleep by 11pm or so.  The problem is, around 9:30 or 10, I catch my 2nd wind.  And then it’s the wee hours of the morning before I finally lay down.  I need discipline in my life and seeing as I’m the only one here (I seriously doubt my dog is going to start closing my laptop, turning off the tv, and sending me to my room), I should try to set some guidelines for myself.  This is becoming too big of an issue.

A lot going on at work this week.  And then the show and V’s party this weekend.  I’m excited for both, and yet I find myself wanting to do nothing but stay home and be lazy.  I’ve been in anti-social mode lately…by the time the work week is done, I just want to be left alone.  This past weekend, I worked from home on Friday and didn’t leave the house again until Monday morning.  I wouldn’t have left then if I didn’t have meetings at work to attend.  I’m counting the days until the long Thanksgiving weekend. 

Life shouldn’t be this way…muddling through work and living for the weekends and holidays and non-existent vacations.  Then spending your time off catching up on all the housework and errands and stuff that you don’t have time to do during the week. 

I am woman.  Hear me bitch. 

Comments from old blog:
Daisy – Nov 14, 05:  Here I am!! Rough week. And already time to start a new one. Ugh.

Nilla – Nov 13, 05:  GIRL!! Where did you go?!

Saundra – Nov 13, 05:  Dude, I’ve been feeling the same way lately… I am trying to MAKE myself exercise more… cause that usually helps… the problem is finding the energy to do that…All I want to do is sit on the couch and veg… UGH!

Nilla – Nov 09, 05:  Came back to leave another comment:   Just making you go, geeeee, I wanna go! I discovered that two people in a double occupancy room is only $679. Talk about cheaper. Well, I LIKE the floor :)…. anyway, if you poke around, you’ll see that all the off-boat excursions cost extra and you have to pick them all before you get on board. Geez. Have you ever been on a cruise? I haven’t. My sister, mom, and friend have and told me about it. The 24 hour buffet sounds GREAT. Yay! Salad with a side of PB&J at 2am!!

Nilla – Nov 09, 05:  Weehee! Mexico sounds uber tasty. Cutesie Mexico boys showing off muscles.

Of course, my mother sounded really pissed off that I decided to go on the SinShip as opposed to the Trip To Holy Land To Pray And Stuff.

Uck, though…. it would be about $1000 (a single room). Leave from San Diego, go to Acapulco and up the coast back to SD for a total of eight days. I picked the week of February 20, which is my wedding anniversary. Kinda like, okay, I don’t feel like being sad— lookit me havin’ a good time without you, fucker!!

P.S. My sister and everyone I know tell me to bring a friend or I’ll die of boredom. Or something.

Laura – Nov 09, 05:  I feel ya!! That’s why I didn’t show up to the Halloween party. I was just so tired & wiped out & anti-social that I just wanted to lie around and do NOTHING.

I agree that lack of sugar especially causes this. I have to start over in that…. cutting way back on sugar and caffeine and stuff… UGH. But soon we’ll have more energy and we’ll want to go out and show off our hot selves!! 😉

Nilla – Nov 09, 05:  Lack of carbohydrates, sugar, and caffiene (if you cut that out). It’ll make you really tired until your body gets used to the new fuel. Have you ever changed the dog’s dog food? Well, they usually get mopey, tired, and of course, the runs. You’ll be fine, soon. Hard as it sounds, don’t nap! That’ll make it worse, plus throw of your cicadian rhythm of the sleep cycle.

Weighing In

Starting Weight:  198
Current Weight:  193

Woohoo!  That’s a 5-pound loss.  Not too bad for a first week.  If only I could lose like that every week.  After the 2nd or 3rd week, weight loss should be no more than 1-2 pounds a week.  When I did this before, 1.6 seemed to be my magic number.  We’ll see what happens this time around. 

Here’s the really scary number.  According to my Tanita Scale that measures body fat as well, I’m sitting at a whopping 42%.  Yikes.  Over 32% is considered obese.  I really am a lardass.  That’s horrifying.

OLD Blog Comments:
Laura – Nov 09, 05:  Oh my. Things to NEVER buy… a Tanita Scale!!

Nilla – Nov 04, 05:  Yay! Soon your pants will fall off…. one way or the other.

Renee – Nov 03, 05:  Way to go girl!!

I should’ve just stayed in bed.

Or on the couch, seeing as that is my bed these days.  That’s another issue I need to work on.

Today sucked.  I’m cramping, emotional, bleeding like a (something that bleeds a lot), and I pissed off and hurt the feelings of a very good friend.  Completely accidentally and totally unintentionally.  But I feel like crap about it.  And I was made to feel more crappy about it.  I beat myself up more than anyone I know.  So when I mess up, I know it.  Trust me, I do. 

I screwed up.  And I’m terribly sorry.  My brain doesn’t work so well lately.  Too many balls in the air I guess.  One of them was bound to fall.   In the grande scheme of things, it was a pretty minor thing compounded by another thing that, while innocent enough, was made worse because of my goof on the first thing.  I understand the timing of it was bad.  She’s stressed as it is and I added to that.

Unfortunately, I’m typically one of those people that wants to address the issue right away and hash it out.  And by hash, I mean talk through it rationally and be done with it.  And she needs space and to be left alone.  So apparently I made it worse because I didn’t shut up when told.  I’m just not good with a situation where I feel I am being chastised and am not supposed to respond (that’s a different and unrelated story, one not worth getting into here).  Hence her not wanting to talk to me AT ALL at that moment.  Ok.  I get it. 

So, while she was presumably calming down, I spent the afternoon festering.  Now she’s ok (I think??) and I have smoked 2+ packs of cigarettes and have puffy eyes, an upset stomach, and an attitude.  I blame Aunt Flo. 

Today’s lesson:

Plan A:  Next time I’ll know to say, “Ok, talk to me when you’re ready.”  And leave it alone.  That’s just reeeeally hard for me to do. 

Plan B:  Don’t screw up and don’t make anyone mad again ever.  That’s do-able, right? 

Nah…that’s the doormat in me, that my exbf left behind, desperately trying to resurface.  Ignore her.  Stick to Plan A. 

Daylight Savings

I love that I got an extra hour of sleep last night (because yes, for once, I was asleep before 2am), but I HATE that it is pitch dark outside by 6pm.  For someone that has serious problems driving at night, it’s a huge inconvenience.  And I am not looking forward to it being dark when I leave work every night.  That walk across the parking lot is kind of creepy.  Only seeing daylight in the morning on the way to work is kind of depressing, too, if you asked me. 

I should really learn to get up earlier and taking care of some things around the house before work.  By the time I get home, there’s just not enough hours left and all I want to do is relax.

I was supposed to clean house today.  I managed to do the dishes, a load or two of laundry, and vacuum my bedroom.  That’s not even a third of what needs to be done.  I seriously think Santa should bring me a maid for Christmas.  And a yard boy.  And a handyman. 

I’ve used up 24.5 points so far today.  So I’m half a point into my weekly flex points for today (4.5 total out of 35 since Friday).  That’s not too bad considering.  It’s weird keeping track again.  I realize how way out of bounds my eating has been.  I shudder to think how many points my “normal” day had reached on a regular basis.  But enough looking back. 

I’m all set.

I went and got produce (and a TON of it at that) and other groceries I couldn’t get yesterday.  So I’ve got lots of good healthy food around and plenty of no-to-low point foods to grab when I get the munchies.  I’m doing ok so far.  Not great, but ok.  Having a hard time drinking enough water and eating enough fruits and veggies, but now that I’m all stocked up, that part should be easier. 

I cooked myself dinner last night.  I had plenty of points left for that meal, so took the opportunity to use some of my higher point food (I’m not going to just throw it out, you know!).  I get 24 points a day (plus the flex ones if needed), and my dinner used of half of them.  I made fettucine with some yummy sauce, mushrooms, artichokes, and turkey sausage.  I made sure to measure the sauce so that I only got one serving of it, which was 1/2 a cup.  That’s how I could really get into trouble…by not keeping an eye on portions.  You get so used to the monster-sized stuff you get at restaurants and fast food places that a “normal” serving looks small.  But it was plenty.  And yummy. 

I was going to have another serving of it for tonight’s dinner, but reeeally wanted that Aunt Jemima Griddlecake (9 points!) for breakfast this morning.  So I adjusted and had a lighter dinner tonight.  That is one of the things I love most about Weight Watchers.  You aren’t restricted from eating ANYTHING.  You just have to be responsible about it.  I like to think of my points being like dollars.  I have 24 dollars to spend today.  If I spend 9 of them for breakfast, then I only have 15 left for the rest of the day.  And I really wanted that griddlecake.  So I spent the points on it.  And had lots of no point (steamed broccoli for example) fillers throughout the day.  It’s all about budgeting.

The best lesson for me to (re)learn is that this is NOT a diet.  It’s a lifestyle change.  If I want to be successful, that’s the most important thing to remember.  It’s not something you do until you get to the weight you want and then stop.  I stopped….gradually.  And gained it all back.  I REFUSE to make the same mistake again. 

Ok, now I’m off to watch my Stars play in Phoenix on tv.  If this game doesn’t go better than last night’s, I’m going to scream.  But quietly, because my head hurts.  Hey Laura, I haven’t had any caffeine yet today!  Not even on purpose.  I love Diet Root Beer!

Comments from old blog:
Nilla – Oct 30, 05:  Hmmm. I saw on CNN about two months ago that aspartame (which is in that diet stuff) causes symptoms that are like Multiple Sclerosis.   I also think Diet tastes like poo.

Laura – Oct 30, 05:  Diet Root Beer *IS* good. I LOVES me some Coke Zero, though!!! Glad you’re on stocked up and “on your way!” You’re so right about “budgeting.” It’s nice to be able to have ANYTHING. A snickers bar, a tortilla, mashed potatoes, whatever. You’ve just gotta cut back elsewhere!

Curse you, Tom Thumb!

I signed up online today for the WeightWatchers eTools.  So all I needed to do was go grocery shopping.  I took some of the sample meals and created a shopping list and headed to my super conveniently located Tom Thumb.  Seriously, it’s like 2 minutes from my house.  Imagine my surprise when I saw giant STORE CLOSING signs plastered all over the front.  Damn.  Damn.  Damn.

Luckily they still had stuff available.  Lots of canned and dry goods, some frozen foods, cleaning stuff, etc.  And most everything was 20% off.  So I went ahead and started shopping for what I could.  Absolutely no produce in the store.  No milk.  No bread.  So after loading my cart up with a ridiculous amount of groceries (I normally shop once a month, but bargain hunting, coupon cutting fool that I am had to load up) I came home, unloaded everything and reviewed my shopping list.

I still need to go to another store and get all the produce and milk and stuff.  And I’m going to MY store to buy Mazzy’s dog food (20% off plus my $3 off coupon!).  But I think I’ve got plenty (dripping with sarcasm) to come up with a nice dinner and breakfast tomorrow.  I’ll venture out to find another store tomorrow.  I am just seriously bummed that my store is closing. 

I had every intention of blogging today…

 But now it’s late and I don’t feel like it.

I was going to talk about my free half-day at work, my quest to find a Halloween costume, winning platinum level tickets to a Stars game, and Modano’s great games against Phoenix on Tuesday and then Calgary on Thursday. And my guilt over wimping out on a friend’s birthday happy hour/game-watching gathering tonight.

So instead, I’ll leave you with this. Sweet dreams.;)

Season 2…and a completely unexpected engagement!

Got the 1st dvd of the second season of Six Feet Under last week and am just now getting around to watching it, what with hockey back on, my Netflix rentals are taking a backseat. 

I was at that miserable 3-2 loss to the Avs on Saturday.  Talk about a BAD time to take a (ridiculously long) penalty.  But it was only the 2nd game.  And good to see the guys defending each other, justified or not.  I’m splitting my seat with a friend’s mom, so will be watching tomorrow night’s game from the comfort of my living room. 

Oh, and now for the jawdropping news I received this weekend:  a hockey friend of mine, let’s call her Miss Hut, is ENGAGED.  To a guy she met online.  Barely a month ago.  I’m trying to think positive for her but….that’s just a little creepy to me.  They’ve spent every spare minute together since they met, which is, well, weird to me.  I mean, people talk about wanting to spend every waking moment together but they don’t actually do it.  Do they?? 

I should also add that Miss Hut has never even had a serious boyfriend before.  She’s a few years older than me, so she should be able to take care of herself.  However, she’s also got some issues that she has been working on.  The most obvious being her weight.  She’s lost somewhere in the ballpark of 100 pounds since we all first met.  She still has more to go, but that in itself is bound to inspire a serious boost in confidence.  Anyway, I’m just worried that she might be latching on to the first seemingly good guy to give her the time of day.  I hope I’m wrong but…Sigh.

Ok, time for SFU.  Then hopefully to sleep.  Early meeting tomorrow that I need to prepare for.

Red, red wine, you make me feel so fine.

We decided to go ahead with the Housewarming on Saturday.  Already had all the food and drinks bought, and it was a nice distraction from the events of the last several days.  I wasn’t sure, with it being an afternoon event and mostly coworkers in attendance, whether or not it was appropriate to serve wine.  But just in case, I picked up a few of the BIG bottles from the store.  In an attempt to mix it up and have some variety, I had some chardonnay, a merlot, and something I had never heard of:  white merlot.  I also had plenty of soft drinks and bottled water available. 

Several of my coworkers called that morning to check in on whether or not my family ever made it here.  And most I think assumed the party was cancelled or atleast postponed.  I told them we were still having it.  It was better than being glued to the news all day. 

Since I expected a smaller turnout due to all of this, I called up a few of my friends and told them to come over, too, if they wanted.  They are accustomed to drinking (a lot) for parties at my house, but knew the crowd that was attending so it would be a little more “civilized.”

Initially, people were opting for water and snacks and stuff.  Most people were just stopping by to see the house and stuff and couldn’t stay too long.  When the first of my friends arrived, I offered her a drink, knowing that she’d go for a glass of wine.  It had been such a rollercoaster the last few days, so I really wanted a drink.  So yay!  I can open the first bottle and have a drink without being the lone drinker.  Another friend, more wine. 

So there I am, with more guests trickling in, my parents here (who, btw, do NOT drink.  AT ALL.), and me trying to give tours of my house without sounding like a rambling drunk.  Granted, I wasn’t drunk.  Just feeling good.  People I work with probably think I’m a lush now. 

Within an hour, 3 of us had emptied the first giant bottle and decided to give the white merlot a try.  I’ve never been a big fan of red wine.  Most are too heavy for me.  I like a lot of the whites though (does that make me a racist wine drinker??).  All I can say is I WILL be buying more of this stuff.  It was soooo good and light and fruity. 

After most everyone else had gone, the friends and brother and I sat outside and three of us finished off the THIRD bottle.  Yes, I was drunk at that point.  And my brother, Duckie, mentioned Mom & Dad making snide remarks about how chatty I was.

But you know what?  I didn’t care.  I had been an emotional wreck and stressed and had little to no sleep in days and it was nice to just forget all of that and enjoy the company of friends, one that I hadn’t seen in ages even!  I feel so adult (at almost 31…how sad is that?) for finally drinking in front of my parents.  Although, I’m not exactly going to break out the Wild Turkey in front of them or anything.  They would be appalled.  Atleast wine seems like a feminine drink, not that of an alcoholic (their big fear, having grown up with them). 

I slept like a baby that night.

Friday night…

I am home with my dog.  Did a little cleaning, took a nice hot shower, and am now listening to music (yes, I even listened to that cd), browsing the internet, flipping through magazines, and drinking Bacardi Silver Watermelon (wimpy girly drinks, but they taste good), and thoroughly enjoying myself.  I must be old.

Training camp yesterday was so much fun.  Got to see the new players and how they mesh with the rest of the team on the ice.  Not too bad.  I took entirely too many pictures but that’s ok.   I got some great shots of some of the players coming off the ice.  Now if I could just figure out a way to stowaway inside Modano’s hockey bag and go home with him, life would be great.  He’s got lips I could suck on for hours.  Sadly, I’m lacking a few of the requirements to catch his attention.  I’m not blonde (I have been before though…big mistake…never again!).  I’m not skinny.  I have small boobs.  And I have a brain.  Such is life, I suppose.  First preseason game (away) is tomorrow night, but unfortunately won’t be televised here. 

Tomorrow night is also GNO.  Only this one should actually be called Girls Night In.  We’re going over to a friend’s place for dinner, appletinis, and watching Sex in the City.  Which, of course, means that we will end up talking and giggling all evening.  I was relieved to not have to worry about what to wear until, today, this month’s hostess told me we have to dress “fabulously,” like on the show.  It’s like the theme of the night and stuff.  Having only seen the show a handful of times, I’m not sure what that means.  I told her I can’t fit in anything fabulous right now.  I have some fabulous wigs…like drag queen fabulous, but apparently that’s not the same thing.  So the compromise is that I have to atleast wear heels.  Um…ok?  I’m kicking them off as soon as I walk in the door though.

I’ve got the last 2 dvds of the first season of Six Feet Under now.  Think I’ll watch those now.  If the alcohol doesn’t work and insomnia strikes again, I may be back here rambling later. 

A sucker for Smashbox

This is what I get for being up late watching tv.  As if I don’t already have a small arsenal of makeup that I rarely wear.  Somebody got paid today.  I just bought this:

I absolutely love their photo finish primer.  I don’t wear foundation.  Ever.  I hate the way it looks and feels on my skin.  But this stuff is like a clear foundation without the weight and the caked-on-look.   And their lip glosses are great, too. 

I had decided to treat myself to a manicure and pedicure Friday afternoon.  I have a gift certificate for a day spa stuck on my fridge that has been collecting dust for the past year.  Apparently you have to make an appointment way in advance.  They can’t fit me in on Friday.  Rats.   So much for that idea.  I guess I could go ahead and schedule something for like 2006. 

Can somebody explain to me how I got on PHE, Inc’s mailing list?!  I swear I get a catalog from them every other week.  If you don’t know who that is, I’m not going to shame myself by explaining.  I guess I must have ordered something(s) from them once upon a time.  *blush*

It just cracks me up that I got a Better Homes and Gardens magazine and that in the mail today. 

If you’ve got a spare $40k…

You can get a really sweet bathroom remodel.  Can you tell I’ve been watching HGTV?  Honestly, it’s insane what people spend on stuff like this.  Granted, I’d LOVE to have a big spa-like bathroom, but come on.  Of course, I’m guessing the houses of the people doing these remodels are probably worth infintely more than mine, too.  I’m just in awe.

I finally called the new gyn today about scheduling an appointment.  Turns out I have a 10 page form I have to submit first.  Can’t they just get my previous medical history stuff from my old gyn?  I can’t answer more than half of the stuff on this damn thing.  I’m supposed to remember dates of procedures I had done a decade ago?  Yeah, sure.  And define frequent.  Do I have frequent headaches?  Um…yes?  I have one right now, thanks to all these questions.

An old highschool boyfriend use to have the best headache cures ever.  First, he’d do this weird, painful massage thing on my hand.  Then if that didn’t work, he’d talk me through describing it to him.  I thought he was insane the first time he did it.  What color is your headache?  What shape is it?  What does it smell like?  You get the idea.  Then after lots of that, he’d say “how does your head feel now?”  And believe it or not, about 70% of the time, the headache was gone. 

If all 3 of those “cures” failed, there was the old reliable:  sex and ice cream.  Made that remaining 30% more bearable.  Maybe I just need to get laid.  If dinner with T pans out this weekend, it could make for an excellent dessert. 

Holiday Weekend Over

How sad.  I’m not ready to go back to work.  It’s been so nice being lazy.  And I don’t even feel guilty about it.  Other than a few small projects around the house, I have done absolutely nothing the past 3 days.  In fact, I didn’t even leave the house except for once last night to buy smokes and pick up some Taco Bueno.  I’m not a hermit, really.  I’m just conserving gas.  😛

I talked to T earlier tonight.  I guess we really have been crossing signals or something.  I don’t call him because I don’t want to be annoying.  Plus I know he’s either working or in class all day and night.  He doesn’t call because I don’t call so he thinks I don’t want to talk to him.  He had fun hanging out with my friends but thinks it doesn’t matter if he is there or not because I am having fun with my friends either way.  And that I see them all the time, but him, not so much.  There was a month or so there where we saw each other almost every week.  And I didn’t know what to make of it. 

I told him you are welcome to come out with us anytime.  I would love to see you more often.  But you told me, almost a year ago, you had to focus on work and school and did not have time for a girlfriend.  I’m trying to respect that.  I like spending time with you.  With or without my friends.  All you have to do is ask.  I’m not a freaking mind reader, although some of my old friends were convinced I was psychic.  Or maybe they meant psycho.    Anyway.  So he said he did not remember saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend.  Whatever.  Maybe he said it because, at the time, we barely knew each other and he wasn’t sure who he was dealing with.  I’m the type of person that, you tell me something like that, I’m not going to argue with you or try to change your mind. 

So he tells me I can call him anytime.  If he is busy, he will call back when he can.  I say likewise.  And invited him to dinner this weekend.  He says he doesn’t think he has any plans and would like that.  The not thinking he has plans thing…um…does that mean he’s waiting to see if a better offer comes along?  Or am I being anal?

Ugh.  When did dating become so complicated? 

Million Dollar Baby

I finally watched it earlier.  It was a pretty good movie, but don’t believe (all of) the hype.  I cannot comprehend how this won best picture this year.  In comparison to Finding Neverland, Hotel Rwanda, and The Aviator, it was average at best. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I liked it.  I just didn’t LOVE it.  The story was kind of cliched for the first half:  Girl (well, she’s over 30) from nowhere wants to be a boxer.  Wants a trainer.  Trainer doesn’t want to take on a girl.  Eventually he does.  She goes on a 1st round knockout spree.  Wants a title fight.  Then something bad happens.  And I pretty much cried for the rest of the movie.

It’s not a feel-good movie.  But it’s a good movie.

Oh yeah. I like it.

I watched the second disc of Six Feet Under:  Season 1 today.  It has episodes 4-8 on it.  After the first disc, I wasn’t sure, but having watched the next 5 episodes, I really like it.  I’m irritated that I didn’t time my Netflix movies better so that I’d have atleast the next one here to watch over the weekend. 

Instead, I have a foreign film and Million Dollar Baby.  And don’t feel like watching either of them.  So I’m watching this 80s marathon thing on Encore.  I’ve sat through Weird Science, About Last Night, and now, the 2nd Nightmare on Elm Street.  My life is so exciting. 

Atleast tomorrow isn’t the day before work.  It’ll be like it is Saturday all over again, only hopefully without all the cramps. 

Sometimes it sucks being female.

I woke up this morning, against my will, at 8am, with the most horrible pain in my stomach.  I wasn’t sure if a) this was soreness from yesterday, b) I needed to have a serious trip to the bathroom, or c) I had incredible cramps of the female monthly persuasion.  Turns out it was all of the above.   Ugh.  Yet another reminder that I really need to schedule an appointment with a new gyn. 

I’ve been on birth control pills since I was about 14.  No, not because I was a promiscuous tramp, but because I was incredibly irregular.   Of course, in later years, the added pregnancy prevention aspect of them was an added bonus.  I’ve gotten off of them a couple of times in the last decade, just to see what would happen (and since, at those times, I wasn’t needing them for other reasons either).  Turns out I am still incredibly irregular. 

My prescription ran out almost 6 months ago, but I had a few spare packs of pills still laying around.  And knew that my current gyn, who I’m not particularly fond of anyway, had relocated her offices to somewhere more than 30 minutes away (depending on traffic).  So I had plans of finding a new one.  A friend recommended hers to me, but I’ve yet to schedule an appointment.  Which brings us to today. 

I’ve become incredibly spoiled, I admit.  I always knew when to expect the dreaded event.  I could even alter it with some planning.  But without the pills, I don’t have a clue until the morning of, when I wake up in pain usually from the cramps.  It could be months, it could be weeks.  I *think* the last time was the beginning of July.  But I wouldn’t swear to it.  Anyway, it looks like I get to spend my holiday weekend with one of the “joys” of womanhood.  Rotten timing. 

I did finally take a friend’s advice and buy a box of those stick-on heating pad things.  And boy am I glad I did.  Opened one up this morning and I think it saved my life in a way that loads of Midol could not. 

I guess it is a good day to curl up on the couch and watch dvds.  I’m sure the maid will be by later to clean my house.  *smirk*