Category Archives: People

I must be in a funk…

because I just am really not liking people in general right now.  Even some of my friends are grinding on my nerves.  I don’t know what my problem is.  I think I’m drowning in insecurities or something. 

I mentioned my crush in my last post.  Something I’ve had for awhile, with someone I’ve known for awhile (since 2002-ish) but wouldn’t allow to surface previously because of a conversation once where he indicated he didn’t want kids and wouldn’t date a smoker.  So I wrote him off immediately, but deep down, was still seriously digging him.  To make this easier, from now on I will just refer to him as Crush (although he has been mentioned previously in this blog under a different pseudonym).

One of my friends that I met a couple of years ago (early 2005?) met him and decided she liked him.  For current purposes, I will refer to her as Diva (although she has also been mentioned here previously as a different name).  Me, trying to be a good friend, and because I knew Crush well, decided to just ask him point blank if he was interested in her.  So I’d know whether or not to encourage her.  He quite quickly and emphatically responded NO.  So I tried to subtly steer her away from him.

In her narcissim, and because she asked him, she has concluded that he only likes skinny blondes with big boobs (while she is skinny, she’s brunette and smaller-chested).  I guess his sarcasm was lost on her.  But she reminds us all, including Crush, of this anytime the opportunity arises.  And yet, at any gathering he shows up for, she still flirts with him.  Still.

This past weekend, I hosted a game night at my house and Crush came.  Diva showed up later as well.  We were about to play a game.  I was sitting next to Crush on the couch and Diva was across the table from us and she immediately exclaimed that she and Crush should be partners.  I told her partners had to sit next to each other for this game because we had to share cards.  “Oh, ok.” was her deflated response.

As the night wore on and games changed and people shifted about, I had gone into the kitchen for something and the second I was up, she pounced on the couch next to Crush.  The next thing I know she’s re-enacting a scene on a recent flight where some lady was laying on the guy next to her.  Then she stretched out on the couch and had her feet up near Crush’s lap.

I don’t know why, but it absolutely enraged me.  Of course, I have never told her about my feelings for Crush.  Because I figure she would only tell me how far I was from his type, since she thinks she has him pegged so well.  I never told her about my conversation with him and his lack of interest in her.  I just let her reach her own conclusion,  but damn.  Give it up already.  Fuck.

I just can’t throw myself at someone like that.  Not that she’s really throwing herself at him, but it comes across that way to me.  Well, actually a couple of other people at the party mentioned it later, but anyway.  Those few people also know about my feelings, so they are just being supportive.  lol

The thing is, I love Diva.   I accept that she is flirty and I love her for it most days.  It’s just because it is Crush that she always focuses on when he is around…it drives me crazy.

Plus, I just feel so defeated.  I can’t compete with skinny people.  I can’t compete with non-smokers.  I can’t compete with flirty people.  It’s just not me.  Granted, Crush and I have been flirty with each other for years, but on a completely different, much more subtle level.  Winks here and there, odd smirks across the room, exchanged glances.  Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.  I don’t think so though.  But I’ve always accepted it more as a part of our friendship, not interest on his part.

Ugh.  I don’t know.  I think I just need to focus on getting myself back to a place where I’m happy with myself.  Then maybe good things will follow.

I suck at this!

So here is the question I pose to you:

Say you’ve been friends with this guy for several years and have always liked and respected him.  Not to mention he cracks you up.  He helped you move and paint your house…And NOW, years later, you find yourself with a serious crush on him.  WTF do you do?!

The thing is, I don’t see this person very often, and much less often than in previous years.  I always kind of thought he was cute, but just thought he was too much older and set in his ways for me.  But now, 4-years later, the age gap doesn’t seem as big.  And his dry sense of humor is like spanish fly to me.  And hell, I’ve probably become more of a homebody than he is in that time.

I’ve confessed to only a very small handful of people and more than half of them has replied, “But HE has always had a crush on you!!!”  Honestly, I think they are just saying that to give me some guts to explore this possibility.  Plus, I was almost 60 lbs lighter then.  While I’ve joined a gym in an effort to correct that, I haven’t been going anything remotely like “regularly.”

Add to that the fact that I had one of my nervous breakdown crying fits with him back when I was in the deepest throes of my depression.  And I boohooed to him over Mazzy.  Oh, and there’s the time I blurted out, while drinking, about the time he and XYZ got it on.  Did I mention that he was sitting right beside me at the time and apparently that wasn’t common knowledge?

I am so clueless.  And doomed to remain single at this rate.

Disillusioned

The past few weeks have really given me a new perspective on friendships and relationships.  I’m not a confrontational person.  I avoid it whenever possible in favor of trying to be the peacemaker.  And, apparently, I expect too much from people, particularly those I call friends.

I never expected a friend to take advantage of me and use my name in a public forum to give himself some sort of credibility.  And ultimately, include my name in a lie.  A partial truth does not make it true.  That friendship is sadly over.  I have been devastated by it, but finally came to accept that that is not a friendship I’m willing to fight to keep.  Especially when one side cannot accept any responsibility and only point fingers elsewhere.

I never expected friends to so harshly criticize another one of my friends TO me.  Over and over.  You don’t have to have the same friends as me, that’s fine.  But to take every opportunity to talk badly about someone that you KNOW I am friends with, and then to act all indignant when I am “overly-defensive” about it…I just don’t get that.  If it was you people were badmouthing, you’d certainly expect me to defend you.  And I have.

Guess what?  I don’t like some of your friends either, but I’d never try to point out all their faults to you because I respect our friendship.  And because it’s not my business.  This one has been eating away at me for 2 days, can you tell? 

 See, when in the moment, I rarely react.  I don’t cause a scene.  I bite my tongue.  I try to keep the peace.  Then it festers inside me and I want to just explode at that person.  But the rational side of me says, don’t do that…you’ll say something you’ll regret.  So in the end, I feel like a doormat.  And THAT pisses me off even more.

And then to top it all off, I feel like I am surrounded by infidelity lately.  Real or imagined.  Attempted or acted upon.  Online or in person.  I’m just sickened by all of it.  And so disappointed. 

While I try not to judge, it is yet another thing that is forcing me to re-examine some of my friendships.  In one scenario, I want to beat the offending party to a pulp, because that friend broke my (closer) friend’s heart.  And yet, in another, where my friend is the offender, I want be there for them.  And in a third, I want to cease interactions with both parties.  Is it the difference in the “level” of indiscretion that makes me react differently?  Is it the length of my friendship with them that effects my feelings towards it?  Am I a hypocrite?  What is wrong with people?!?!

Again, perhaps my expectations in all relationships are too high.  And perhaps this is why I haven’t found someone to share my own life with.  And perhaps I never will.  And that depresses me.

Hooray for a long weekend!

This past week and a half has been utter hell.  Several times I caught myself wanting to come blog about some things, but decided to wait until some of the hurt and anger wore off.  I’ve buried most of it, but still get beyond pissed thinking about it.  Between all of that, another week of wicked insomnia, and a horribly tedious week at work, I’ve decided to just bite my tongue.  Instead, I’m going to look forward to the weekend!

I’m heading out to my brother Dilbert’s house at the lake tomorrow morning and planning to stay through Sunday.  I invited a few friends, with Dilbert’s permission of course, but it was so last minute that everyone had already made plans.  My friend, V, is planning to come out tomorrow night and stay until Saturday.  My parents are driving up.  So it should be good times.  I’m looking forward to catching up with V, lounging by the pool, playing a little poker, and drinking adult beverages (in moderation however…I did say my parents would be there).

So here’s wishing you all (in my mind I like to pretend there’s more than 2 or 3 people who read this) a safe and happy 4th of July!  Enjoy the time off, whatever your plans are!

MIA

I’ve been terrible, absolutely horrible, at blogging lately.  I guess I’m in one of those weird phases where I am practicing what my momma preached:  If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

I’m just really disappointed.  About a lot of things really.  But the latest news was a serious blow to the gut.  You know how you say, “Oh X would NEVER do something like that.”  You are so strong in your belief and faith in this person that you would never waver or even consider it a possibility.

Well, like the saying goes…never say never.  I know we all have our breaking points, and we can only take so much, and considering I’m not in that position, it’s easy for me to say I would never do something like that either.  But these things can creep up on you.  And I think that is what happened to X.  Can you really blame a person for wanting, no, needing something?

I’m not so much disappointed in X as I am at what our society is becoming, at what is acceptable, at what is valued and what is not, and how we are all at risk in one way or another.  Seven deadly sins and all.

I’m not much of one to pray, but I don’t mind admitting that I’ve been praying for X.  It’s not a good path….but I will try to knock some sense into, be there for, support, and love no matter what. 

I’m keeping the faith.

Fantastic Vacation – Part Tres

Thursday morning, we were trying to decide what we wanted to do on our last day in Cozumel.  I knew Red wanted to go snorkeling, but she was willing to forgo it since it’s not something I do.  I said to hell with that.  So we went back downtown looking for a snorkeling excursion that wasn’t an all day thing.  We finally found a trip that was just a couple of hours on a glass-bottom boat, so I wouldn’t be sitting on the boat for eternity and I’d have a nice view.  I think they wanted $35 each for that one, but we ended up getting it for $50 total.

They sent us out onto one of the piers for the boat to come pick us up.  When we got onboard, I was completely freaked out.  MUCH smaller than I expected, and the seating was literally a small bench directly against the side of the boat.  As someone who freaks out over open water, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do this.  I sat there quietly for awhile, trying to calm myself down, while we rode over to another pier to pick a couple up from one of the cruise ships.  By then, Red could tell something was wrong.  She made some comment about my sour face and that’s when the tears broke free.  She asked, loudly, why I was crying and, of course, that just made me worse.  I ended up telling her to just leave me alone.  She was asking if I wanted a life jacket, and damn near ready to tell them to let me off, but I just kept saying, leave me alone, I’m ok.  Deep breaths.

I managed to calm down on the ride out to the first dive spot and I’m so glad I did.  It was just gorgeous water and the breeze felt nice.  I got to take some pretty pictures while Red got to swim with the fishes.  And, of course, as soon as they opened the ice chest, I was the first to reach for a beer (I don’t even like beer, but it was the only alcohol they had and I was needing something!  lol).

 (gonna add to this later….blog is acting up)

Fantastic Vacation – Part Dos

Alrighty.  So Wednesday morning, we got a call at around 8:30am that the rental company was there with our jeep (30 minutes early).  We threw on some clothes and went down to sign the paperwork and get the keys.  Then grabbed breakfast and went back to the room to get ready. 

We headed back north toward downtown in search of the transversal road that crosses the island.  After a few wrong turns and asking for directions, we finally found it and headed off to the San Gervasio ruins.  It’s a small ruin site on the island that is believed to date back as early as 100 BC.  It was super hot and super humid, and even though I thought I was going to have a heat stroke, it was cool walking through and seeing all the structures. 

Cozumel 062

Not to mention all of the iguanas!  They were everywhere!

Cozumel 072

After the ruins, we hopped back in the jeep and continued our drive across the island.  The road dead ends into the road that runs the length of the other side of the island.  There are a number of restaurant/bar/beaches there, so we wanted to go check things out. 

The first place we stopped was Coconuts.  You walk up a bunch of steps into this giant covered palapa where the bar and tables are setup.  We walked through there and out the other side to find sand, tables with umbrellas, and the most AMAZING view of the ocean from our perch on a cliff.   Being the person I am, I had found coupons online for a number of places in Cozumel and printed them off, just in case.  Sure enough, this was one of them.  So we ordered our giant umbrella drinks and some lunch:  Fish Tacos and Ceviche.  It was YUMMMMY.  The ceviche had lots of lime juice and a little bit of a spicy flavor.  Fan-freaking-tastic.  The fish tacos were pretty damned good, too.  So we kicked back, ate our food, sipped our drinks, and enjoyed the view.

There were several dogs milling about that must belong to the owners.  They were really well-behaved, not bothering anyone, not begging for food.  Just chilling in the shade.  While we were there, these dogs ended up laying at my feet!   Red kept joking, calling me the Dog Whisperer.  And saying, “….and you aren’t sure if you’re ready for another dog!” 

After that, we headed further down the road and passed a number of other beaches but decided to keep driving to see what else there was.  We ended up at the Freedom in Paradise Cafe, aka the Bob Marley bar.  While it did sit on the beach, you couldn’t walk out into the water from there because of all the rocks, but man, that was the most peaceful, tranquil place I’ve ever been in my life.  We ordered a couple of pina coladas and found ourselves a table near the water.  I swear we sat there for nearly an hour in almost complete silence.  You could hear the waves crashing on the rocks, the faint reggae music in the background, and stick your feet into the softest sand I’ve ever felt.  It was like powdered sugar, it was so soft.

Pure heaven.

From there, we were almost to the end of that side of the island, but as we turned the corner back towards the side our hotel was on, we stopped at another beach club that was designed for more people.  However, like everywhere else, it was pretty deserted, too.  We had about an hour before it closed, so we, again, ordered some drinks, and then took a quick dip in the ocean before lounging around some more.  Then we started heading back to the hotel.

It was, by far, the most laid-back, relaxing day EVER.  Worth every penny.  We loved it so much, we were considering keeping the jeep another day so we could do it again on Thursday. 

That night we were total bums and pretty much hung out in the hotel room watching movies.  Red had a headache so we ended up calling it a night.  I was wired and rearing to go, but popped an ambien instead so I could get some sleep.  The next day was our last full day there so we didn’t want to spend it sleeping late.

To be continued…

Fantastic Vacation – Part Uno

Now that I’ve had a week to re-adjust to normal life, I thought I’d blog about my trip to Cozumel.  Red and I had such a fantastic time….definitely one of the best vacations ever!

We got to our hotel Monday around 11am and had lots of time to kill before we could check in (at 4pm).  So we changed into our swimsuits and hit the little hotel beach and checked out two of the infinity pools.  The first one was deserted, so we moved to the other one, where Louis, aka Okie Dokie, the bartender at the swimup pool kept our glasses full.  Red has been tanning since February, so she was soaking up all the sun she could get.  Me, on the other hand, took many opportunities to go sit in the water at the pool bar in the shade and make friends with the bartender.

Cozumel 005

A little before 4pm, we headed up to the lobby to see if our room was ready.  After waiting another 45 minutes, they gave us our room keys and sent us off on a wild goose chase to find our room.  We finally found it, no thanks to the directions they gave us, and waited for the bellboy to arrive with our luggage.

The rooms were really nice with marble floors counters, a nice glass shower, and a glass balcony that overlooked the main pool and the ocean where the cruise ships pulled in most days.  After showers and a quick nap, we headed down to the buffet for dinner.  We’d decided we’d just hang out at the hotel that first day.

Tuesday we got up, had breakfast, and then got a cab to downtown to do some shopping and see the city a little.  We were hoping to rent a car to drive around to the other side of the island one day, and we had been comparing prices.  Ended up getting a great deal on renting a new-ish (2004) Jeep for Wednesday.  We’d been told as much as $110 but ended up getting ours for $60, including insurance and them dropping the jeep off and picking it back up at our hotel.

But back to Tuesday…we wandered around downtown for awhile, wasted our time trying to barter with people who were asking insane prices for their sterling jewelry, sampled some tequila at a tequila shop.  I had been hoping to find more coffee tequila to bring home with me and this shop had it….but because it was in a special handmade bottle, it was more than I wanted to pay.  So figured I’d keep looking and find some elsewhere.  Never did find anymore so now I’m wishing I had just gone ahead and bought it.  Oh well.

After walking around in the sun for awhile, Red and I were both ready to find a shady spot and a drink.  One of the places we passed handed us coupons for 4 margaritas and an order or nachos for $15, so we headed there.  It was an upstairs, open air bar that looked out over the ocean.  So we sat there, enjoyed the breeze, the view, the drinks, and the nachos for awhile. 

It wasn’t long before one of the bartenders asked us where we were from.  We told him Texas and he said, “Dallas, right?”  We were both surprised that he guessed that and asked him why.  He said we looked like party girls.  Oh boy.  With that, he brought us over what he called “Bumper Shots.”  Not knowing what they were, but being up for it, he went to Red first.  Stood in front of her, blew a whistle, slammed the shot glass on the table 3 times, and then proceeded to pour it into her mouth and then grabbing her head and immediately shaking it around in circles before jerking it forward and backwards towards his crotch.  I’m cracking up and taking pictures, of course.  Then he annuonces it is my turn.  Oops.

Another waiter came over not long after with another round of these.  He was much more, um, suggestive with his routine, standing straddled over our laps while pouring.  By then, we were having too much fun to care!

After our margaritas and 3 shots each, we decided to go walk around some more.  Red found souvenirs for her hubby and son, we tried a few more jewelery stores, everyone still way too high on their prices (apparently this is a ploy they use when the cruise ships are in for the day).  Then we grabbed a cab and headed back to the hotel.  We got back just before 3pm, in time to make reservations at one of the hotel’s speciality restaurants for dinner.  Went back to our room, showered and napped a little then headed down to dinner around 6pm.  We were planning to go out downtown that night.

After dinner, we got a cab and went to Senor Frogs.  Boy was that a disappointment.  The place was EMPTY.  There were maybe 5 other people there.  We had a few drinks, some shots, and then ended up heading back to the hotel because their drinks were too expensive.  By the time we got back to the hotel, Red was ready to go to the room for the night but I talked her into one more drink at the sports bar (all-inclusive, so free drinks).  The next day, Wednesday, our Jeep was supposed to be at the hotel by 9:30am.  So after that, we headed to the room.  I think we were in bed by no later than 11pm the entire time we were there!

More later…

So much to do, so little time!

A week from tomorrow, I leave for my much-needed, well-deserved vacation to Cozumel.  It was supposed to be a girls’ trip, but everyone but me and Red wimped out.  Apparently everyone else is afraid to go with us because we are just “party party party.”  Whatever. 

Red and V went to Los Cabos last year (I couldn’t go because they accidentally scheduled it on top of a work conference I had to attend).  Red and V had never really hung out or spent time together one on one, so they got to know each other a little better I suppose.  V is very laid-back most of the time, and was looking forward to carefree days, lounging by the pool or on the beach.  Red, who had been through some rough stuff with her husband recently, was in full let-her-hair-down-and-live-it-up mode.  So needless to say, there were some conflicts.  Nothing major, and they both had fun, but I guess some residual comments have been made.

Either way, Red and I are going to have a blast.  I just know it!  I’m all for lounging with a book and a pina colada on the beach, sight-seeing, and nights out partying.  We’ve got 5 days, so time for a little of everything.  And since Red and I DO hang out and DO know each other pretty damned well, I don’t think we’ll have any problems telling the other one when we’ve had enough of something.

The downside, Red is about 5 foot 4 inches tall, with a great figure.  Me, I’m 5 foot 7, and a good 70 pounds heavier right now…the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.  We’re going to look like Mutt & Jeff.  I didn’t get nearly as serious about going to the gym these past two months as I’d planned, so haven’t made much progress there.  But at least for the past two weeks, a fire was lit under my proverbial ass, and I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard on the weekends at least.  During the week, I just can’t make myself get up early enough to go before work.  And after work, I’m just drained.  Excuses, I realize, but it just ain’t happening. 

I started fake-baking last weekend, in the attempt to get some kind of base color on my lily white self, otherwise I’m likely to burst into flames at the beach!   I’m not tan by any means, but I have at least gotten a tiny bit of color…and still have the rest of this week to work on that and keep going to the gym.  I won’t be a bronzed goddess in any way, shape, or form, but I figure there’s nothing like the last minute panic to do as much improvement as I can.  :)

I’m doing laundry and (re)assessing my wardrobe options.  I’ve been shopping like a fiend lately, mostly trying to find some shorts that I like.  Yeah, the shorts I own don’t fit right now.  Did I mention that part about being the heaviest I’ve ever been?  Ugh.  Depression does as much damage outwardly as it does inwardly.  But yeah, I think I’ve got most of my clothing together.  Just need to do more planning of outfits to figure out what goes with what and, of course, to make sure I have enough day/night outfits, shoes, etc.  I figure later this week I’ll actually attempt to start loading the suitcase.

And with that, time to get up and get some stuff done around the house before I head to the gym and to tan.

Happy Sunday!

Passports, hockey, and gangsters

Gosh, I miss the days when all you needed was your birth certificate to go to Mexico. I spent two hours in line at the post office yesterday to turn in my passport application, not to mention have the most awful passport photo taken EVER. Oh yeah, and it seems I have no parents…at least not on my birth certificate. $100+ later, I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that, when it is processed, they take the time to read the note imprinted by the State of Tennessee regarding the file date.

Last night I headed over to Duckie’s to watch the Stars game with him and C on his gigantimum projection screened wall. Pretty damn cool. I could certainly see the puck more easily. Should be really cool when it is a game broadcast in HD. I’m already envisioning some playoff watching parties at his place!  His house is already more put together in a month than mine is after almost 4 years!

Today I tackled some flylady missions…15 minutes at a time. I’m turning into a believer! I’m working on scheduling my weekly tasks now. Sunday evenings, unofficially, are now slated for ME time…time to watch a movie (completely watch, no internet, no multi-tasking), read a book, whatever, and give myself some spa treatments. Tonight is American Gangster. So, off I go…

Life’s a beach.

I haven’t worn a swimsuit in public in almost 10 years. I’m in the worst shape of my life right now. I haven’t been to the gym in over two months. And what do I do??

I go and book a trip to Cozumel with the girl(s).

Two months to do some damage control. My gym membership has 4 days a week that I can go. I better just make sure I’m there every single one of those 4 days between now and the end of April. Today was my first day back in the gym and I did ok considering. Still got 45 minutes of cardio, kept my heart rate up above 150, and did upper body resistance workout. Tomorrow, more of the same except I’ll do lower.

I think I can…I think I can….

Click for Cozumel, Mexico Forecast

Truer words were never spoken.

Thank God it’s Friday!!!

This has been one hell of a long week. Between trying to get things handed off with the old boss, all the meetings the new boss had lined up, continuing to teach the training classes that I already had scheduled, and squeezing in time with the lady I’m replacing, who happens to only be working part time from home with two children, I felt like it should’ve been Friday by Wednesday!

I’m feeling better about things now. Finally have a true transition plan in place and have been able to start off-loading some of my former responsibilities. And am starting to get a grasp on all the (many, many, many) reports that I’ll be responsible for providing on weekly, monthly, and quarterly basis…I can definitely see why that is an area in need of an overhaul. Talk about a lot of duplicate work and manual effort. Yeeesh.

Tonight has been all about recouperating from the week. I have had training calls with the lady from work from 8-11pm every night this week….after working a full day in the office. I am just beat. But I’d rather do that and take advantage of getting as much knowledge from her as I can before her last day next week.

Nothing says relaxing like PJs, a good drink, and, what turned out to be, a pretty lame movie from Netflix. But it felt good to do nothing!

My brother, Duckie, closed on his house yesterday, so Dad drove up today and is planning to be in town for a week or so helping out with some minor repairs and stuff with Duckie, before he moves in. I’ll probably head over there tomorrow and see what I can do to help. I’m so excited for him that he got this house!

Let the chips fall where they may.

Despite the wet, cold weather, Thanksgiving at Lake Fork was great. We were trying to figure out when the last time ALL of us kids and our parents were together for a holiday. I don’t think we ever came up with an exact time, but for sure it was more than a decade ago. Add to that all of the nieces and nephews (with the exception of Dilbert’s daughter and her bunch) and it was a madhouse of mayhem, fudge pie, and jailhouse rolls.

Dilbert’s new house was christened with the chaos of its first holiday gathering. It worked out perfectly because there was plenty of room to spread out. Plus RedBaron & fam drove their motorhome out. I think it was their retreat to peace and quiet! Anyway, there was much laughter and silliness, and of course, Texas Hold ‘Em.

Coming back to town and to work was a bit of a drag, but I’m exploring some potentially interesting possibilities. Actually had a job interview today that I think went pretty well. It’s for a position in a different business where I currently work (read where, not for whom). I have until Thursday morning to decide if I want to persue it. The lady I met with wants to make a decision next week and, if I’m game, would consider me on her short list of candidates.

I’ve got a call with GP HR tomorrow. They’ve been circulating my resume internally as well so I want to see what, if anything, they have/can come up with. Plus more followup conversation with my current boss about how he sees my existing role evolving.

Hopefully I’m arming myself with enough information to make smart decisions. And, if nothing else comes of it, I’ve gotten to refresh my interviewing skills and let it be known that I’m open to new opportunities.

We use to be so close together.

Reasons I am an idiot:

Walking around all day in the sun without a drop of sunscreen on. When will I learn?

The roundup was fun today. It was neat watching them cook everything. MrsDrillTeam and I got to sample some of the leftovers and thought they were yummy. The sourdough rolls I could eat for days. The chicken fried steak was super tender and crispy. Just yum. AggieGirl said that was the worst they’ve ever done. :( If that was bad, I can’t wait to taste good! She can blame me…she was too worried I was going to get a picture of her ass to concentrate on the cooking! Nicole and I have decided we are more than willing to drive out to Glen Rose and let them cook for us! I haven’t had a chance to download the pics yet, but I hope I got some good ones for them, especially considering…

As fun as today was, a dark cloud hung over me to the point of nausea. It was all I could do to try not to think about it. When I pulled Samuel L out of my bag this morning to get batteries and such ready, I discovered she (yes, she) was badly injured. Her side was gaping open on the bottom corner. WTF?!?! Thirty minutes of panic and tears and much foul language, along with a tiny screwdriver and pleas to the camera gods, I managed to get the piece back in place and had my fingers crossed that I’d mended her. I was running late by this point, so scooped everything up and, with my heart in my stomach, took off for McKinney.

When I got to the roundup and started to take pictures, I realized that wasn’t her only injury. Autofocus: not functioning. Manual focus: barely functioning. The absolute only thing that makes sense is that she was dropped at some point, landed on her edge, and jammed the lens. FURIOUS ANGRY THOUGHTS.

Back to the reasons I am an idiot:

I will NEVER EVER EVER bring her to a happy hour again. While I cannot confirm that this is when it happened, it was the last time I used her and the first time I noticed the time had reset. I don’t know what happened. As far as I’m concerned, I may have done it myself. I know better. She’s not a toy and shouldn’t be passed from hand to hand anyway. Sober Daisy would NEVER allow that.

I stopped at Best Buy on the way back. Thank God I bought the extended warranty!! The manufacturer’s warranty ended a few weeks ago. The shitty part is, they have to ship her off for repairs. And it will be roughly a week and a half before I get her back. That was such a hard decision to make. I’m going to New York for the first time ever next week. And to Tucson the following week. The idea of facing either without Samuel L in hand seriously majorly upsets me. But I figured maybe, just maybe, she’ll be back before Tucson if I get things started now.

So I left Best Buy with my camera bag empty and a lump in my throat. And yeah, there were tears. Screw you if you can’t understand!

Get well soon, Samuel L.

Happy pills?

Root canals suck, in case you didn’t know. Part two was completed yesterday, and she wasn’t lying when she warned me it would be a longer appointment. I think I was in that chair for close to 2 hours. And dammit my jaw and gums hurts today. Don’t even want to imagine what it would feel like without the pain pills.

My parents have been up here this week to look at some houses with my brother. Added bonus was that Dad has shown my Mazda a few times (no offers yet though). AND I finally have shelves in my office closet, thanks to him!

Yesterday I was completely useless. Today I am just completely lazy.

You’re in my heart.

 

I can’t begin to describe my feelings when I saw this picture.

I have been carrying around a couple of Lomolitos disposable cameras for a (long) while and finally finished off a roll. I took it, along with several others to be developed last week.

I was beside myself when I saw this picture when I picked up my prints. I had completely forgotten about it! I was leaving Mazzy with my parents in Beaumont after Thanksgiving last year since I would be travelling the first two weeks of December. The plan was I would get her back when I went down again for Christmas.

Mazzy had a tumor removed earlier in the summer and, while she did well initially after the surgery, she was becoming less and less mobile. So I was concerned with leaving her, but knew she was in good hands with my parents. That didn’t stop me from crying my eyes out when I had to head back to Dallas. We played and cuddled and hugged and I took two pictures of us before I left.

It was the last time I saw her. The cancer had returned and had spread. She had to be put to sleep a week later while I was in Tucson.

Miss you, baby girl.

Another step closer to crazy

Dang it. I did it again. I wrote an entire entry, detailing my new (old) cameras, the events of the weekend, etc. I remember it quite clearly.

Only I didn’t. I dreamed it apparently. Freaking odd, this is.

Anyway, here’s a summary:

I received my other cameras last week and have named them all now. The Kodak is Dee (duaflex II). The Spartus Full-Vue (120mm) is Sparticus. And the Fotex toy camera (35mm) is Foxy. I loaded up Sparticus, Foxy, and the ever-trusty Samuel L Friday evening and headed out to the City Park in Farmers Branch. I was planning to go watch the Frozen Waffles game later that night so figured I’d go early and snap some photos at the park nearby. Only I miscalculated how much daylight I had left and ended up at the StarCenter almost a full hour early.

Turns out quite a few of us decided to show up and watch the game that night. What was supposed to be a laid-back, non-drinkfest kind of night evolved pretty quickly. Maybe those $1 shots at the StarCenter are to blame. Either way, we all loaded up and headed a little further west to meet my brother at a bar near his house so we could shoot pool. It was a fun night, but certainly became a drinkfest. I think Red and I had a shot with every round. Breakfast at IHOP so we could sober up, then I went with Duckie and crashed at his place so I wouldn’t have to drive home. It was a good night though. I love hanging out with my brother and we don’t do it nearly as often as we should.

This weekend is the girls’ getaway. I’m excited to see everyone and catch up. And my girl, Barbie, is joining us this year as well as AggieR, who couldn’t make it last year. Wheeee! Should be good times. I’m leaving work at noon on Friday and I’m not putting make up on again until Monday morning.

I was hoping to get the roll from Sparticus developed before now so I could confirm whether or not the camera is actually functioning as it should. Not to mention, get an idea of just what the set shutter speed and fixed aperture is. But since I didn’t make it by BWC in time, I’m not going to risk blowing another roll.

Instead, I’m bringing Dee with me. I got my re-rolled 620 film I ordered today. For those that don’t know (and likely don’t care), they don’t produce 620 film anymore. It is essentially the same as 120 film, the difference being the spool. So you re-roll 120 film onto a 620 spool. I went ahead and ordered a few rolls to get me started. Now I’ll have some extra 620 spools and, when I get a little braver, will go lock myself in the bathroom and try my hand at rolling my own.

Lots of meetings tomorrow, which means I’ll have to make sure I get my ass into the office. Wish me luck.

The Man in the Box

Wheeee! The first of my 3 ebay-purchased cameras arrived today (Kodak Duaflex II)! It looks to be in very good condition and the film advance, shutter release, and lenses all look to be in good working order. It’s a box camera produced in the 1950s with a large reflex finder with hood, fixed-focus lens, and single speed shutter (plus bulb exposure). I’m only bummed because I thought I had a roll of 620 film around here somewhere but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I’ll have to get online and order some from B&H this week so that, hopefully, I’ll have it in time for the girls weekend with my high school friends. Surely there are some scenes that would lend themselves nicely to this format in Spicewood.

He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich.

Note to self: Next time you decide to let your brother take you for a ride in his boat on a 100+ degree day, without a cloud in the sky, even if it is just a quick ride, WEAR SUNSCREEN for crying out loud!!! It’s a wonder I didn’t spontaneously combust.

Was a fun time though. And now Mexigoalie can finally stop asking, “Who the &^%# is Dilbert?!?!”

Their new house is pretty darn sweet. It will be nicer to visit once the weather cools down a bit. 100 degree days just aren’t my bag, baby.

Oh! Speaking of bags. Or pouches. Whatever. I saw my very first, up close and personal kangaroo! TWO of them! In freaking Emory, Texas. Who’d have guessed that?! They were so freaking cute! One was about 3 years old and the other was just over a year old. And they shared a yard with two boxers. I kept wanting the dogs to chase them just to see those roos take off, but the dogs apparently know better. It was fun to see them hop around though. The kangaroos, that is. Not the boxers.

Interesting discussion with the boss this week. A little disconcerting and certainly has me wondering….and, ok, a little bit worried, even though I was told not to be. The not knowing what it all means exactly is going to drive me crazy, but I’m going to take him at his word when he says I’m in demand.

Tomorrow (later today) is the Artists’ Reception for the On My Own Time Art Show at work. We get to pick up our artwork and the winners will be announced. I think the first place in each category goes to the city-wide show at North Park.

Having been one of the volunteers to collect and store the art on drop off day, I have no illusions of winning. Based on what I’ve seen of the others, and of previous years’ winners, the safe, generic, technically correct images seem to be the preference (oh that was tacky of me). And that’s just not me. And I saw a lot of really great entries. But I’m happy to have put something out there. This is the first art show I’ve submitted anything to since I’ve been in Dallas. That’s just silly.

The new flickr group is going well so far. We are doing our first assignment this week, due on Saturday, which is Self Portraits (darn you, Flirt). I haven’t a clue what I’m doing for that yet. But I’m glad to have the excuse to play with Samuel L this weekend.