Category Archives: Friends

Happy hour with T

Guess the folks at Comcast have gotten their act together. My internet is back up and running consistently now.

So Friday was fun. Had plans to stay in, but a late call from T prompted me to go out and meet him for drinks. Some friends of mine were still at happy hour (that I had previously planned to skip) so we decided to meet there.

Before I go any further with this story, it’s important to point out that, the night before, I’d gotten a few messages from P. Asking why I was not responding, why am I not interested in him anymore, etc. So rather than tell him it’s because he’s a slimey jerk with less than adequate equipment, I decide to take the easy way out and just tell him that I’m dating someone now (even though that’s not exactly the case)

.Ok, so back to Friday. T & I show up to the happy hour location and are saying hello to everyone (he’s met most of these people before) and lo and behold, who happens to be sitting with the group. Yep, you guessed it. P and one of his buddies. That couldn’t have worked out any better. I was just grinning from ear to ear. And of course, the fact that T kept putting his arm around me and stuff didn’t hurt. Although, that would’ve happened whether P was there or not. But it was just cool how that worked out. So maybe now P will stop with the ridiculous messages offering his “services.”

I had a lot of fun hanging out with T, and he and my friends got along great. I just hate not knowing where I stand with him. When we first met (almost a year ago now) he said he didn’t have time for a girlfriend right now….between work, school, whatever. Which was fine with me. Because at the time, I just thought he was incredibly hot and wanted to jump his bones (I won’t even go into detail on how long it had been since I’d even kissed a guy at that point). But as we went out more, and got to know each other better, I really like him. And we’ve talked about “us” somewhat.

I just can’t read him AT ALL and that frustrates me. One minute, he’s acting like we’re a couple, the next, friends. Case in point, we were dancing and being incredibly physical (touching, holding hands, hugs, arms around each other, etc) for most of the night. Then, when we are leaving, I get a….peck on the cheek? What the hell is that all about? But then I talked to him the next day and he just said he drank too much, was tired, and needed to get home. Maybe so. I don’t know.I’ll have to bring it up the next time we talk.

Maybe I’m just suffering the effects of low self-esteem right now and should stop trying to pick everything apart. We had fun together. That I know. And I’m glad we went out. He’s a fun guy. Even if we are just friends.Ugh. Ok, shutting up now.

Friends for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

alluded to this in an earlier entry. Thought I’d put the full version here. It’s a little corny, but makes good points.

“People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..”

Copyright 2000 – Brian A. “Drew” Chalker

God bless the internet.

I’m about to pop in a dvd and vegetate on the couch for a few hours. If that doesn’t keep me occupied, I’ll probably interrupt someone’s evening with my bored IM ramblings. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll do that either way.

The internet truly is a fascinating place, I have to admit. Aside from being an excellent time-waster, a quick reference center, and a shopaholic’s dream (or nightmare perhaps), it has proven to be a fairly successful place to make some new friends.

As I look back over the last year or so of my life, it occurs to me that the majority of people I like to call friends these days are those I have met through common interests online. And I’m not talking pen-pal, let’s IM, reading each other’s blogs type of friends. But real people that I go to lunch with, have drinks with, see concerts with, and generally enjoy knowing. I wonder where I would be right now had these various people not become a part of my life. To these people I say, “I treasure your friendship!” 😉

Although the online dating scene, that I ventured into in years past, was disastrous. I think there has got to be a point, very early on, where you meet in person and get it over with. Otherwise you do this back-and-forth emailing, maybe some instant messaging, perhaps even phone calls. All adding to the illusion that you know, and possibly even like, this person. Then, when you finally do meet, if you don’t hit it off in the “real world”, you’re faced with the awkward dilemma of explaining yourself.

No, I’m not shallow. I don’t base my like/dislikes of the opposite sex solely on physical appearance. But, I hate to break it to you, anyone who says it doesn’t matter is bullshitting you. There has to be some sort of attraction. It could be as simple as a great smile or the way they carry themself, but there has to be something. And when it’s not there, you’ve spent all this time building a psuedo-relationship with someone who you, ultimately, have no interest in dating. While you may enjoy their company and genuinely want to continue a friendship with them, we all know that response is rarely welcome.

I think the lesson learned here is that the best route is the direct route. Why waste each other’s time tiptoeing around the subject. You either like each other or you don’t. You can’t force something that isn’t there. I tried. And I failed miserably because, rather than admit (to both the guy and myself) that I wasn’t into him in that way and risk hurting his feelings, I continued to go out with him. Partly because I was determined to stop dating the same type of guy that I always seem to find myself with. But also because he was a lot of fun and a really incredible person. There was just no real spark. I’m not proud of the way I handled it and have vowed to do better in the future.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on the other end of that situation, too. It just seems guys are better skilled at the quick exit.

Oops. Didn’t mean to go off on a tangent there. Funny how the mind works. Now how about that movie?