Archive for the ‘Health Matters’ Category

Southlake

Monday, September 1st, 2008

In all the years I’ve lived in the Dallas area, yesterday was my first trip to Southlake.  I met my friend, Red, there for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory.  We’ve both been in a funk and needed to get out of the house, but weren’t up for a full-swing social event with the whole gang.  So, it being daylight, I was brave enough to venture down the road less travelled.

The restaurant is located in the Southlake Town Square, which is a nice little area of shops all laid out like a little town of its own, back when streets were lined with shops instead of the giant malls and shopping centers we’re used to today.  Not exactly square though, don’t let the name deceive you.  It’s similar to what they have recently built in Garland at the Firewheel Town Center.  It’s a nice concept, but with the year-round Texas heat, it’s really only truly enjoyable on a cool day or evening.  But it’s great for running into a particular store without having to deal with the crowds or parking at the malls.

After lunch, we walked around for a little while, not really to shop, since neither of us can afford that these days.  I had seen the neat red brick Town Hall building when I drove in, and really wanted to get some photos of it, so we ended up walking there.  It was super bright, mid-afternoon sun…not the ideal time for photos, but I was there and I had my camera, so I had to at least give it a shot.

Definitely not a good time for photos with all that harsh light, but worth a return visit sometime in the evening light….when it isn’t so freaking hot outside, too!

It was good to get out of the house and out of hermit mode for a few hours.  Red and I are going to have to force each other to do that until this latest funk passes for both of us.

Guess I’ll be going back to the old have-to-remember-to-take-it-everyday-pill.

Saturday, August 23rd, 2008

I started my new job in January, but because of the freebies from my doctor, I just now got around to needing to fill my Nuvaring prescription.  On the old insurance, I always did the mail order because I could get 3 months at a time for about $45.  So, without concern, I mailed in my prescription the new insurance.  Afterall, I’m working for a Fortune 500 company so certainly should get the same or better benefits, right?

Much to my shock and horror, my prescription arrived the other day.  I had provided them with my check card info for billing.  The invoice?  $140.  ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY DOLLARS?!?!?!!!

In sheer panic, I immediately called my insurance company for an explanation.  Turns out Nuvaring is on their 3rd tier….nonformulary and non-preferred.  My copay is 15/25/50.  In the past, I could get a 3-month supply for less than my copay now for ONE.  WTF?!?!  For whatever reason, Cigna doesn’t like Nuvaring.

I asked them if there was any way I could return my package.  I was desperate here, I mean that is a hundred bucks out of my bank account that I was NOT planning on spending.  I’ve been playing catchup from my dental work and thought this would actually be the month my finances would return to normal.  Ugh.

So yeah, they won’t let me return it.  Their policy is “the same as at retail:  once you walk out with it, it’s yours.”  I told them, “Yes, but the difference is, at retail, I stand at the counter, they hand me the prescription, I see the amount, and I refuse to accept it!”  In this situation, I was hoping they would see my logic that, opening the shipment box and viewing the invoice was the same thing.  They didn’t see it that way.

I guess I’ll be giving my doc a call and asking her to write up a new prescription for me for some generic pills that I’ll have to remember to take every single day.  After two+ years of only having to remember once a month.  Lovely.

For someone who isn’t even having sex regularly (or at all lately for that matter!), this sure is one hell of a price to pay for birth control.

So much to do, so little time!

Sunday, April 20th, 2008

A week from tomorrow, I leave for my much-needed, well-deserved vacation to Cozumel.  It was supposed to be a girls’ trip, but everyone but me and Red wimped out.  Apparently everyone else is afraid to go with us because we are just “party party party.”  Whatever. 

Red and V went to Los Cabos last year (I couldn’t go because they accidentally scheduled it on top of a work conference I had to attend).  Red and V had never really hung out or spent time together one on one, so they got to know each other a little better I suppose.  V is very laid-back most of the time, and was looking forward to carefree days, lounging by the pool or on the beach.  Red, who had been through some rough stuff with her husband recently, was in full let-her-hair-down-and-live-it-up mode.  So needless to say, there were some conflicts.  Nothing major, and they both had fun, but I guess some residual comments have been made.

Either way, Red and I are going to have a blast.  I just know it!  I’m all for lounging with a book and a pina colada on the beach, sight-seeing, and nights out partying.  We’ve got 5 days, so time for a little of everything.  And since Red and I DO hang out and DO know each other pretty damned well, I don’t think we’ll have any problems telling the other one when we’ve had enough of something.

The downside, Red is about 5 foot 4 inches tall, with a great figure.  Me, I’m 5 foot 7, and a good 70 pounds heavier right now…the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.  We’re going to look like Mutt & Jeff.  I didn’t get nearly as serious about going to the gym these past two months as I’d planned, so haven’t made much progress there.  But at least for the past two weeks, a fire was lit under my proverbial ass, and I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard on the weekends at least.  During the week, I just can’t make myself get up early enough to go before work.  And after work, I’m just drained.  Excuses, I realize, but it just ain’t happening. 

I started fake-baking last weekend, in the attempt to get some kind of base color on my lily white self, otherwise I’m likely to burst into flames at the beach!   I’m not tan by any means, but I have at least gotten a tiny bit of color…and still have the rest of this week to work on that and keep going to the gym.  I won’t be a bronzed goddess in any way, shape, or form, but I figure there’s nothing like the last minute panic to do as much improvement as I can.  :)

I’m doing laundry and (re)assessing my wardrobe options.  I’ve been shopping like a fiend lately, mostly trying to find some shorts that I like.  Yeah, the shorts I own don’t fit right now.  Did I mention that part about being the heaviest I’ve ever been?  Ugh.  Depression does as much damage outwardly as it does inwardly.  But yeah, I think I’ve got most of my clothing together.  Just need to do more planning of outfits to figure out what goes with what and, of course, to make sure I have enough day/night outfits, shoes, etc.  I figure later this week I’ll actually attempt to start loading the suitcase.

And with that, time to get up and get some stuff done around the house before I head to the gym and to tan.

Happy Sunday!

Musings in the Waiting Room

Saturday, February 9th, 2008

I’ve been having headaches for two weeks straight. Two of which were migraines. It has not been fun. I went to the doctor this week and he said the headache that just won’t let go is likely a tension headache. Me? Tense? Ha. Ok, so I’m working on that. Meanwhile, I’ve got pain pills and muscle relaxers to help me recover.

While I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, a lady and her two young children came in and joined me in waiting. I was staring at the ground or my lap mostly because the light was hurting my eyes. I heard the little girl yell what I misunderstood to be an inappropriate word. I looked to her mother and saw no response. Then the little girl, who was standing at the aquarium in the waiting room, yelled again.

“Hey Biisssh!!”

Ah, fish. Ok. Cute.

She repeated this a number of times until the fish swam behind one of the large rocks. Then, the glass-tapping began. I was about to crawl out of my skin as this was all doing a number on my headache.

When she turned away from the glass and then quickly turned back and yelled, “RAWWRR!” I didn’t know whether to cry or order a round of shots! It was like she was channeling my girl. Red!

Note to self: must have drinks soon

Addedendum to note to self: Oh yeah, having drinks for V’s bday tomorrow!

Addedendum II: Don’t take the vicodin or muscle relaxers tomorrow.

Learning to FLY

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

For almost a year now, I have been constantly struggling with and stressing over the constant state of chaos my house has been in. I try to give myself task lists and focus on one thing at a time, but in the end, I still end up feeling guilty and overwhelmed and throw my hands up in defeat, thinking there is no way I’ll ever get everything done.

I learned about this website awhile back and, last night, decided to look at it more closely. While some of the references and terms used initially came across as cheesey, the more I read, the more convinced I was that this just might actually work. The “flylady” starts you off with a month-long set of “baby steps” towards taking control of your home and “Finally Loving Yourself.” (See, I told you there was cheese)

Her basic principle, and the first task she has you do is to Shine Your Sink. As part of the month-long baby setps, you do this every night and it becomes a habit. Of course, the initial shining is more complex and involved things like bleach and scouring pads and windex. But after that, you just make it a point to clean your sink to shiney every night. Sounds silly, right? That’s what I thought, too. But, being willing to try anything at this point, I shined my sink at 1am this morning. I didn’t focus on the mess surrounding it, the counters that needed to be cleaned, etc. Just the sink. Emptying it out and then doing the full “shine” on it.

When I got up this morning and walked into my kitchen to make coffee, I have to admit that seeing that shiny clean sink made me smile. There weren’t dishes piled up in it, no mess there to deal with, just a clean shiny sink! It made me feel good to see at least one place in my house that was actually spotless. And now I feel more motivated to keep it that way. I rinsed my dishes and put them straight into the dishwasher after lunch today!

There’s a ridiculous amount of email reminders and such that you get when you sign up, but she does point out not to stress over those….they will become part of your routine in time. Each day you add additional steps and establish morning and evening routines. And by repeating these throughout the month, you establish them as habits. And by establishing these habits, you have a process in place to get your house cleaned (gradually at first) and then maintain it. Having read through almost the entire website, but not allowing myself to get ahead of myself, I’m convinced that this approach could work for me. Using timers to keep you focused, 15-minute decluttering, hot zones, etc. Yeah, I definitely think this could work.

I’ve got my month of baby-steps lined out as tasks in Outlook and am going to give this an honest effort. Wish me luck!

Happy pills?

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

Root canals suck, in case you didn’t know. Part two was completed yesterday, and she wasn’t lying when she warned me it would be a longer appointment. I think I was in that chair for close to 2 hours. And dammit my jaw and gums hurts today. Don’t even want to imagine what it would feel like without the pain pills.

My parents have been up here this week to look at some houses with my brother. Added bonus was that Dad has shown my Mazda a few times (no offers yet though). AND I finally have shelves in my office closet, thanks to him!

Yesterday I was completely useless. Today I am just completely lazy.

And her eyes would go all sort of far away…

Friday, September 21st, 2007

I freely admit I’m a bit of a dork. So, coupled with my lack of sleep, I started my releasing early today. I joined a release challenge on BookCrossing for Stephen King’s 60th birthday. The challenge was to release 60 (or as many as possible) books today, his birthday. I’ve been picking up extra copies of his books for several months now at Goodwill, Half Price Books, etc. I think I’ve managed to collect about 32 of them. I also created a special book label for the release, as well as the above photo for my journal entries.

Anyway, I was sitting here last night trying to figure out where in the world (and how!) I was going to release all of these. I’ve got some standard drop spots, but figured I’d just stop at every random place I pass until they are all gone.

So, flash forward to 3:30am. Big shock, I didn’t take my pill, so I’m wide awake. Decided to hop in the shower and then run by the office at work to pick up some papers I needed. Of course, I then realize that I should be able to free a few SK books on this trip. I left 2 at work, 1 at the gas station, and then figured I’d hit every Starbucks between there and my house (there’s at least 3 I can think of off the top of my head).

Um. Yeah. Apparently Starbucks isn’t open at 4:30am. Don’t people need coffee by then??

The sun isn’t up at that hour either, so I don’t know why I grabbed my cameras to take with me on my morning expedition.

Another step closer to crazy

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

Dang it. I did it again. I wrote an entire entry, detailing my new (old) cameras, the events of the weekend, etc. I remember it quite clearly.

Only I didn’t. I dreamed it apparently. Freaking odd, this is.

Anyway, here’s a summary:

I received my other cameras last week and have named them all now. The Kodak is Dee (duaflex II). The Spartus Full-Vue (120mm) is Sparticus. And the Fotex toy camera (35mm) is Foxy. I loaded up Sparticus, Foxy, and the ever-trusty Samuel L Friday evening and headed out to the City Park in Farmers Branch. I was planning to go watch the Frozen Waffles game later that night so figured I’d go early and snap some photos at the park nearby. Only I miscalculated how much daylight I had left and ended up at the StarCenter almost a full hour early.

Turns out quite a few of us decided to show up and watch the game that night. What was supposed to be a laid-back, non-drinkfest kind of night evolved pretty quickly. Maybe those $1 shots at the StarCenter are to blame. Either way, we all loaded up and headed a little further west to meet my brother at a bar near his house so we could shoot pool. It was a fun night, but certainly became a drinkfest. I think Red and I had a shot with every round. Breakfast at IHOP so we could sober up, then I went with Duckie and crashed at his place so I wouldn’t have to drive home. It was a good night though. I love hanging out with my brother and we don’t do it nearly as often as we should.

This weekend is the girls’ getaway. I’m excited to see everyone and catch up. And my girl, Barbie, is joining us this year as well as AggieR, who couldn’t make it last year. Wheeee! Should be good times. I’m leaving work at noon on Friday and I’m not putting make up on again until Monday morning.

I was hoping to get the roll from Sparticus developed before now so I could confirm whether or not the camera is actually functioning as it should. Not to mention, get an idea of just what the set shutter speed and fixed aperture is. But since I didn’t make it by BWC in time, I’m not going to risk blowing another roll.

Instead, I’m bringing Dee with me. I got my re-rolled 620 film I ordered today. For those that don’t know (and likely don’t care), they don’t produce 620 film anymore. It is essentially the same as 120 film, the difference being the spool. So you re-roll 120 film onto a 620 spool. I went ahead and ordered a few rolls to get me started. Now I’ll have some extra 620 spools and, when I get a little braver, will go lock myself in the bathroom and try my hand at rolling my own.

Lots of meetings tomorrow, which means I’ll have to make sure I get my ass into the office. Wish me luck.

Son, I’ve made a life out of reading people’s faces…

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

I’m terrible at taking pills. More so, I’m terrible at remembering to take pills. I should be asleep right now, but I forgot to take my sleeping pill earlier and now…well, it is almost 2am so seems too risky to take it now. Where does the time go? I thought it was maybe around midnight and the next thing I know, it’s much later.

I’m sitting here watching Poker After Dark for no other reason than it is on and I don’t feel like channel surfing to find something else. These people crack me up that wear the dark sunglasses and hats pulled way down on their heads. I thought one of the key skills in this game was the poker face. Instead, you’ve got people hiding behind a bunch of props. There’s one guy that wears a hoodie pulled up over his head and tightened up so he looks like the unibomber. I think that’s even his nickname. I just think it’s silly.

Plus, I’d be afraid someone could see the reflection of my cards if I had some gigantimum dark sunglasses on. Then again, I wouldn’t be playing thousands of dollars per hand either!

Showing how funky and strong is your fight

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

Happy hour last night was a blast! Obnoxious, crazy, drunken, yes. But fun nonetheless. There was sushi, cheap cheap drinks, crying, dolphins, cherry passing, dousings, moonwalking, Cafe Brazil, 3 people in my bed at 3am (a gay man and a married woman….lol), a drive across town at 4am, coffee and Whataburger at 5am. What could ever top that??

I have strange bruises all over me, and am running on about 3 hours of sleep. After Mexigoalie gets done with his game tonight, we’re making the hour and a half drive out to Dilbert’s. Duckie and my niece headed out there earlier today, so we’ll get to see the new house all moved in and visit with my family for a day. Should be good times.

Guess I’ll sleep tomorrow night.

I look for sense, but I get next to nothing.

Wednesday, August 8th, 2007

I’m having another of those strange days where my dreams are mixing with reality and I’m confusing the two. I woke up at 2am and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I played around on flickr groups for awhile. And then I was watching the early morning news.

It gave me flashbacks to when I worked at the news station in college. And I could have sworn I blogged about it. Apparently not. I also thought FedEx knocked on my door and I went and found the package on my doorstep. But alas, no package. Work emails that I sent detailed replies to, only to find that there were no replies sent. Submitted a BeautiControl order that doesn’t exist. Then there were the city workers digging a line through my yard who asked me to bring Mazzy inside while they worked out back.

So the reality of my day is apparently this: stayed up all morning, dozed off and on and had a variety of life-like dreams, did a little bit of work, dozed some more, re-did the work emails I apparently wrote in my head. Wonder if I have already taken my medicine or not.

Oh, and I think I saw a mouse in my kitchen. Gosh, I hope that was part of the dreams. I don’t deal well with rodents. Don’t make me tell those stories.

I believe it’s time for me to fly!

Friday, July 27th, 2007

Well, I managed to stay up. Granted, I had some help in the form of online messages, but here I am at almost 6am, downing some coffee and getting ready to head to the airport.

I’m going to go witness and celebrate my oldest niece’s wedding, and spend time with some of my family…a happy time. My niece is marrying the father of her first child and I hope that they can make a good life out of it. But I can’t help but feel sad that the marraige of someone I love infinitely is in jeopardy. Know that my phone works no matter what state I’m in.

Wish me luck getting on a flight!

Here I go again on my own.

Wednesday, July 25th, 2007

It’s nice to have a pilot for a brother and the opportunity to get free passes from time to time. Not so nice is the whole idea of flying standby at the bottom of the totem pole. I just listed for my flight to Vegas on Friday. None of the flights look great, so I’m going to have to just be there for the earliest one and keep my fingers crossed. Being at the airport by 6:45am is going to suck navel lint. I’m predicting no sleep the night before since me waking up at that ungodly hour is essentially out of the question.

I’m bringing some books with me, so if I ended up sitting in various airports all day, I’ll have something to keep me entertained. I’m psyching myself up to take it in stride. As long as I actually get into Vegas on Friday, all will be well.

The wedding is Saturday afternoon and I still don’t have a clue what to wear. I have some thoughts, but need to just bite the bullet and start trying things on from my closet…which will only serve to upset me, but it has to be done.

Hopefully Mom will be more recovered from her surgery and feel well enough to get out and about some on Sunday and Monday. She wants to go to the Red Rock where I had all my slot machine success last time. And of course, I want to visit the strip since I missed it last time. Who knows what Dad will want to do….play golf probably. Only I doubt he’s bringing his clubs since they’re doing the flight passes as well and won’t want to check luggage.

Lately I keep forgetting to take my medicine and boy is it making me weird. I need an alarm or something. Probably not helping with my work right now either. I’ve been just awful this week about going into the office. Not smart considering I’m about to be out for 3 days.

Everybody’s looking for something.

Thursday, July 19th, 2007

I crashed after work for almost an hour this evening. Normally, I’d consider a nap to be a tiny slice of heaven, but today’s was filled with a completely bizarre dream. I actually remember a quite a bit of it, which is unusual in itself.

Apparently I was having a party at my house, only it wasn’t really my house. And lots of people I know in real life were there. And some that I don’t know. One guy was already shitfaced when he arrived and was yelling and falling down and just being generally obnoxious. And everyone else seemed to think it was the greatest thing ever, but I was seriously annoyed. Then he knocked a bunch of vases and framed photos off a shelf and everything broke and I blew up and told him to get out of my house. Suddenly I was the bad guy for making him leave.

So I ended up going to my room (also not really my room) to try and calm down and determine if I was over-reacting and why everyone was being so crazy. And it turns out another guy and his girlfriend are in my bathroom. She is laying in the bathtub and he’s coloring her hair and there is hair color all over the carpet, the tile, the walls, everywhere. I start to ask what the hell they are doing and then Duckie walks in. I tell him about crazy guy, he says yeah, that was messed up and I did the right thing kicking him out. And then some of Duckie’s friends are there and apparently now Doug lives with me and has a waterbed. Anyway, he makes some joke that one of his friends takes offense to and they get into a verbal spat and the friends take off.

Then I’m in some big loft like room, which apparently is now my living room, and people are literally tearing my house apart. They’ve scribbled on the walls, the tv, the glass of all my frames, the furniture, everywhere with those big fat sharpies and one of them is urinating on my couch. I’m beyond livid and can’t make any words come out of my mouth. All I can hear is my own voice screaming at everyone inside of my head.

Then this gush of water comes tsunami-ing out of, what I presume was, Duckie’s room. Apparently his friends, in their drunken rage, decided to slash his waterbed before they took off. And suddenly everyone is laughing, loud, slow-motion cackling that I can see but not hear, and making more drinks like this is all perfectly ok. And it’s like I am not even there. So I leave my own house and go driving around for awhile.

I come back, all my friends have left, Duckie is sitting on a chair that has a leg broken off (yet isn’t tipping over) and the house literally looks like a tornado tore through the middle of it. Everything is ruined. And I find some strange woman going through my cds and dvds and taking quite a few, claiming they are hers.

Somehow now, my house is a weird version of the trailer I used to live in, only the floorplan is reversed and I have neighbors who are all standing outside, staring at me through the back wall of the trailer, which is completely ripped open. Then Red is there and hands me my camera. And my mom is telling me everything will be ok. That these things can all be replaced. And good riddance to people who would destroy me (my home?). That people shouldn’t pretend they know more than they really do. And that families are forever.

Weird, I tell you. I can’t get it out of my head.

I’m tired and I, I want to go to bed.

Saturday, July 14th, 2007

I had big plans today. A haircut, some shopping at Kohl’s, fresh haircolor, and a night out with Red.

Now, after the all-nighter followed by a semi-sleepless night, I’m opting for a nap and forgoing most of the previously established plans. Otherwise I’ll never make it to the night out part. And after being house-bound for weeks, that’s just not acceptable. As for the shopping, I’ve been frumpy this long, what’s one more week. Hopefully there will still be time for some color though…I’m beyond overdue and nothing cheers me up quite like Brilliant Bordeaux.

Modern Medicine

Saturday, July 29th, 2006

statue

I just found out that, a couple of weeks ago, a guy I went to high school with suffered a terrible loss.  His wife died in what can only be described as a needless tragedy.  As if any tragedy is needed.  My heart goes out to him and his children.  I cannot even pretend to fathom the amount of pain they are going through.

I understand the need for medications, and appreciate the great advances being made with them.  But I think they are handed out too freely and with too little knowledge.  I’ve seen and heard of too many examples where, especially with bipolar, anti-anxiety, and antidepressant treatments, it really seems like a game of russian roullette if not monitored extremely carefullly.  Even then, there are no guarantees.

We trust our doctors with our very lives.  They are the experts.  Yet more and more, we are told that WE should do our research on medications and possible side effects.  Where does a prescribing doctor’s responsibility end and the patient’s begin? 

Your intuition…it will lead you in the right direction.

Thursday, July 20th, 2006

I finally finished Blink:  The Power of Thinking Without Thinking.  It was an interesting book and confirmed a lot of things that, subconsciously, I already knew (without thinking!).

“Insight is not a lightbulb that goes off inside our heads. 
It is a flickering candle that can easily be snuffed out.”

We often do ourselves more harm than good by overthinking things and end up confusing the issue.  The real trick is learning to acknowledge those flickering candles and when to follow your gut because, as this book illustrated time and again, it rarely leads you in the wrong direction.

How many times have you done something that you initally thought you shouldn’t?  But you talked yourself, or allowed yourself to be talked, into it because all logical thought indicated there was no reason not to.  And you end up wondering why you were ever hesitant to begin with.

I’ve done it throughout my life.  Quite a few times.  And every time, afterwards, I berated myself for not listening to my own intuitions.  It would’ve saved me, and often times others, a lot of agony and unneeded stress…

I knew, before I ever met Dr H, that I would not be attracted to him.  I knew he wasn’t my “type.”  I knew after spending 5 minutes with him that I didn’t like him like that.  And never would.  Alcohol and sex can’t change that.  I knew there was more to the story with Flirt.  I knew that camera stuff was odd.

I knew, almost every time that Asshole, aka Door #3,  told me he was “working late,” or had some elaborate story about something…even a seemingly innocent story.  I KNEW he was cheating.  But I made myself wait until I had proof.  Screw proof!  I KNEW!  That should’ve been enough.

I won’t bore you with more examples.  The point is…Sometimes, you just know things.  Don’t ignore that or second-guess it or try to explain it.  It happens.  And it’s a good thing.

 

Comments from the old blog:

gak – Jul 20, 06: Daisy!!!! i totally know what you mean. have you taken the myers-briggs- type deal at http://similarminds.com/jung.html

please please tell me that you have a very high “N” because i do too… and it couldn’t reinforce the meaning of this post any more strongly.

amen sistah– listen to your intuition.

xo-
gak, ENFP

Daisy- Jul 30, 06: We had to do the Myers-Briggs thing at work a few years back. I’ll have to go dig and find my result booklet, but I’m pretty sure I was INTJ.

My very own Spartans!

Sunday, July 9th, 2006

Mexigoalie & Rockstar came over around 10 last night to show me his new truck and hangout for awhile. I was kind of against the idea at first as I have been in crazy-work-anitsocial mode lately.  Plus I’d already put my PJs on.  But I relented and I’m glad I did.

It turned into an all-night drunkfest, dress-up, slumberless party.  First they tried out my old cheerleader uniforms, then Mexigoalie did his best Blanche Dubois impression, wearing a full length formal belle of the ball prom dress.  I seriously can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.  The battery in my digital camera died after about 1 picture, but boy have I got some film to be developed now!!

I didn’t even know how badly I needed that, but it felt great to let loose and laugh and completely forget all the hassles of work for awhile.  You both rock and will forever be my favorite cheerleaders! 

I am feeling every bit my age and then some today.  Oy.  After sleeping until almost 3pm (it was about 6am before we finally crashed), I have done nothing but lay around and watch movies and read.  And I needed that, too.

Mama’s got a brand new bag!

Thursday, July 6th, 2006

In defiance of the ridiculous hours I’ve put in this week, I took the afternoon off today.  Well, I took a couple of hours off and then came home and worked some more.  That customer issue from Monday is still ongoing and the lady behind it is making serious waves.  I think a discussion with my boss is in order because she is expecting things that we cannot, and have never claimed to be able to deliver. 

Anyway, so this afternoon I got to treat myself to a manicure and pedicure at the Red Door Spa.  I don’t think I would ever in my life spend that kind of money to do it again, but since this was a secret shopper thing, I’ll be reimbursed, so it was basically free.  Except for the time it took to fill out their survey online when I got home.  And the 4-5 weeks it will take to get repaid.

It was nice though.  I got their Sea Spa pedicure, complete with a tingly peppermint mask on my feet.  And a pretty dark burgandy color for my toenails that, after the first coat looked frighteningly hot pink.  But luckily the second coat cured that.

The lady talked a little too much for my liking….I just want to relax, not carry on a conversation.  She talked me into a french manicure for my fingernails.  I’ve never had one and since my nails are actually all relatively long right now, I agreed to it.  I’m not sure I like it though.  I just don’t see myself as a french manicure kind of girl.

I stopped by Kohls, too, and picked up a few of their little patio table things that were on clearance.  And….not one, but TWO new purses.  The most amazing part, however, is that I didn’t buy any shoes.  I didn’t even bother to look. 

I desperately need some time away from the computer.  I swear my eyeballs feel like they are on fire lately.  Hopefully this weekend I’ll get a real break and can stay away from it for a few days.  Knowing me, that’s highly unlikely.  Not that I won’t get a break but that I’ll stay off the computer.  :P  

Old habits die hard…again.

Thursday, May 11th, 2006

I’ve managed to completely screw up my sleep cycle again.  For the past 2 weeks, the earliest I’ve gone to bed has been 3am.  Now it’s even worse because, I have not been in to work all week.  Monday I took the day off.  Yesterday and today I sort of worked from home, but mostly slept.

I get in these funks every once in awhile where I just don’t give a damn.  It’s not a good place to be.  I think my vacation triggered this.  It was soooo nice to relax and do things I wanted to do.  Going back to work just reminded me of what I was missing.  There just aren’t enough hours in the day.  Get up.  Go to work.  Come home.  Work some more.  My house is always a mess and I never do anything for ME any more. 

I think, somehow, in my mind, I figure since there aren’t enough hours in the day, I’ll just make the day longer by staying up all night.  So around 11pm I start cleaning or working on the charity hockey game that’s coming up next month or reading or browsing photos or whatever it is that I didn’t do that evening.  And then, I sleep late the next day, get to work late, get home late, and it repeats. 

At this point, I figure just make it through Friday.  Then I’ll have the weekend to try and readjust….and start sleeping in my bed again.  I could probably count on 2 hands the number of nights I’ve slept in my bed this YEAR.  I don’t know how I got into this awful habit or why.  Part of it started when I had a lot more early morning meetings and was afraid I wouldn’t get up in time.  So I’d sleep on the couch, knowing that I wouldn’t sleep as soundly and that I’d be more likely to get up with my alarm.  Problem with that is, since I’ve been doing it for so long, I sleep like a log on the couch now.

I need to learn to detach myself from the laptop (and the tv) and force myself to go to my room at a certain time each night and just STAY THERE until I fall asleep.  So that will be my task for this weekend.  Then let’s see how many consecutive nights I can sleep in my bed. 

Oh yeah.  Dr Honeydew is coming back to Dallas next weekend.  Not sure if I told that story yet or not.  Initially, he asked for a “date” and I went ballastic.  I thought we were past all that.  Apparently our time together in San Diego just re-confirmed to him that there is more between us than I am willing to admit (or so he thinks).  I’ve admitted that San Diego was great.  But I still just don’t see myself thinking of him in that way. 

I’ve talked to my parents about it and they reminded me that it’s not all about looks.  And that, while it is nice to have that attraction, it’s more important to find someone you like and respect as a person.  And to not “burn any bridges.”  My response to that was, “Don’t back me into a corner and I won’t have to!”  When Dr H asked to come to Dallas to take me out, that’s what it felt like he was doing.  Trying to put a label on “us” so that now we’re “dating.”  When I have said over and over that I don’t see a future together in that respect.  I think he hears what he wants to hear and sees what he wants to see. 

I don’t know what to think anymore.  So I told him he can come to Dallas as MY FRIEND.  And if the San Diego-like feeling happens again, we’ll go from there.  But don’t come here expecting it.  He says he doesn’t, but I am not sure I believe him.  I know I’m not helping matters any by being so wishy-washy.  There’s the tiniest part of me that wonders if we could be together that way.  But mostly, I think not.  And I’ve told him that and made it as clear as I know how that I don’t want him to get the wrong impression.

Maybe I’m just making it worse and should’ve never told him about it feeling “different” in California when we spent time together.  I don’t know.  We’ll see how his visit goes.  Less stress this time at least, so it should be fun.