All posts by Daisy

Too much fun!

Good night out with great girlfriends. A few weren’t able to make it, but those of us who did still had a lot of fun, aside from the reminder that there are men out there who would look better in my clothes than I do. My thighs are going to be sore tomorrow from dancing and my face from laughing…not at the show nearly as much as the reaction some of my friends were having. First time at a drag show will do that to you, I guess.

I’m not even going to attempt to figure out how much money I spent right now. If I had to venture a guess, I’d say in the ballpark of $40, which, for me, is not too bad at all.

While we were out, I missed a call from T. We talked when I got home (around 2am) for a good hour. Got to hear a little bit more about his MIA status over the past month or so. He’s from a different cultural background, and I think that’s part of the problem. He just needs to learn that he has friends and people that care for him here in the U.S. that can, and would like to, be of help when he needs it. Even if that’s just someone willing to let him vent. I think it’s hard for him to admit when things get to be overwhelming but maybe he’s learning. He says he’s lonely and realizes he can’t do everything on his own all the time. And that he got lucky finding me as a friend.

Maybe I’m gullible, but it was still nice to hear. Depending on what time I wake up and how much cleaning I get done, we have tentative plans to see a movie or something tomorrow.

$2.69 a gallon

That is what it cost me to get gas tonight. Looks like I won’t be filling my tank up anytime soon. $20 got me less than 8 gallons. Ouch.

I got started later than I planned with the lazy dvd night. I had to do some grocery shopping first, only to come home and realize that I had forgotten one of the main things I went after. Don’t you hate when that happens? I had a list and everything, too.

So I just finished watching The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. I wanted to like it, I really did. All I can say is that I want my two hours back. I probably would’ve turned it off 20 minutes into it had I not had the benefit of alcohol. I was planning to watch The Aviator next, until I realized how long it is. At this time of night, after that first bore of a movie, I don’t think I could endure another 3 hours. I suppose I’ll see what is on cable instead.

Or, I could try to go to sleep. It would be great if I wasn’t in bed until noon tomorrow. I’ve got to do some cleaning up around here. With the long days at work lately, my house is in chaos. Plus there’s that whole matter of what to wear tomorrow night. Ugh.

Friends for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

alluded to this in an earlier entry. Thought I’d put the full version here. It’s a little corny, but makes good points.

“People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..”

Copyright 2000 – Brian A. “Drew” Chalker

I thought that it would never end.

This week, that is.

Technically, the work week isn’t quite over yet, but it’s close enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or is that a bad thing? Stay away from the light, Carol Ann!

I need to dig through my receipts. I think I’m missing a few things.
Wednesday:$12 – lunch and dinner
Thursday:$10 – gas, $51 – miscellaneous stuff. But it was clearance-priced! That’s my only defense.

I’m going out tomorrow night (more money) and really wanted to get my hair cut (more money) and find something new to wear (more money). Atleast I get paid next week. That should ease things a bit, assuming I don’t have any more large and/or unexpected expenses any time soon.

I’m looking forward to a completely lazy night of dvds. At home. Alone. Is that wrong? 😛

Sweet dreams are made of this.

My eyes are literally rolling back into my head right now. This is a very good thing. It’s a little after 11pm and I think I could actually fall asleep right now. Maybe this is the first step towards getting back on some sort of regular sleep pattern.

I got an unexpected call tonight. From T. Haven’t talked to him in awhile. He’s a pretty good guy. A little too unpredictable. And likely too young for me. But mostly, he’s very sweet and funny. He’s got an interesting background. Oh yeah, and he’s hot. Not to mention an incredibly good lay. Is that wrong of me to point that out? Nah, it’s true. And the fact that we get along so well and are actually friends (although apparently friends that can go a month or more without talking) doesn’t hurt. Maybe we’ll meet up for dinner this week.

This is what I get for napping my evenings away.

It’s 2:20am and, although I should be fast asleep, I’m making a pot of coffee. Decaf, of course. I find myself in this position a lot lately. Sleep eludes me and finds me at the most inopportune times. Perhaps I will do some work and continue on until it’s time to actually go into the office. More likely, I’ll manage to stay up for another few hours, only to crash at the time my alarm will be going off.

I am noticing that I am much better at adding entries here as opposed to the old-fashioned approach to journaling. Granted, I’m not able to go into the specific and personal details that I would on paper. This is the internet, afterall. And if I am to be able to be honest in what I write, I need to maintain some sense (imagined or not) of anonymity. It’s kind of difficult to write that way, but we’ll see how it goes.

Dangerous Beauty is on HBO right now. I’ve been meaning to add it to my dvd collection but I’ve got this whole budgeting thing to get under control first. It’s not as if I don’t have enough movies to watch, but it’s not as if I can ever have too many either.

I have a night out with the girls coming up soon. Should be a good time, they always are. If I start now, maybe by that night I’ll have figured out what to wear. Oh the joys of gaining weight and not being able to fit into your cute clothes anymore. I know that I have every intention of getting back on track, but in the meantime, it’s wrecking havoc on my wardrobe and therefore, my social life. Some of you will surely understand that. It’s hard to have fun and enjoy yourself when you feel uncomfortable in your own skin.

I see I’ve been distracted considering the time I began this entry. I’ll end this now so I can enjoy the rest of the movie.

Life’s Lessons

Went out and had a few drinks with friends tonight, also unplanned, but at zero cost to me, so that was nice. And after drinks, I was hungry and wasn’t about to come home and cook dinner at midnight. So JITB to the rescue.

I find myself in a very retrospective mood lately. I’m not sure why. It cycles, I suppose. In general, I am pretty pleased with my life up to this point. Granted, I’ve made some bad choices, and spent far too much time with the wrong people. But I like to think I’ve learned from it. And that those experiences have improved me somehow. Here’s a sample of what my life has taught me so far:

  1. Call me a prude if you like, but I know, for me personally, I will not date someone who does drugs. No matter how casual a user they may claim to be. That’s nothing against anyone who chooses to go that route, it’s just not a situation I choose to be a part of again.
  2. The Golden Rule should be followed. Have respect for and tolerance of others. You don’t have to like every one you encounter, but there’s no reason for rudeness or closed-mindedness.
  3. Honesty really is the best policy, but tact is just as important.
  4. My family means the world to me and there is no shame in admitting that.
  5. Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong. Laugh at your mistakes and then learn from them.
  6. Let the people you love know it. By your words and your actions. Tomorrow may be too late.
  7. I have zero tolerance for infidelity. If you feel the need to roam, have the decency to let your partner know you’re unhappy, break it off, whatever, first. See #2 re: respect.
  8. The story about friends “for a reason, a season, or a lifetime” is true. Accept the fact that some friendships may end. But they all serve a purpose and should be treasured.
  9. Tears can be therapuetic. Don’t hold them all in.
  10. Masturbation will not make you go blind.

God bless the internet.

I’m about to pop in a dvd and vegetate on the couch for a few hours. If that doesn’t keep me occupied, I’ll probably interrupt someone’s evening with my bored IM ramblings. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll do that either way.

The internet truly is a fascinating place, I have to admit. Aside from being an excellent time-waster, a quick reference center, and a shopaholic’s dream (or nightmare perhaps), it has proven to be a fairly successful place to make some new friends.

As I look back over the last year or so of my life, it occurs to me that the majority of people I like to call friends these days are those I have met through common interests online. And I’m not talking pen-pal, let’s IM, reading each other’s blogs type of friends. But real people that I go to lunch with, have drinks with, see concerts with, and generally enjoy knowing. I wonder where I would be right now had these various people not become a part of my life. To these people I say, “I treasure your friendship!” 😉

Although the online dating scene, that I ventured into in years past, was disastrous. I think there has got to be a point, very early on, where you meet in person and get it over with. Otherwise you do this back-and-forth emailing, maybe some instant messaging, perhaps even phone calls. All adding to the illusion that you know, and possibly even like, this person. Then, when you finally do meet, if you don’t hit it off in the “real world”, you’re faced with the awkward dilemma of explaining yourself.

No, I’m not shallow. I don’t base my like/dislikes of the opposite sex solely on physical appearance. But, I hate to break it to you, anyone who says it doesn’t matter is bullshitting you. There has to be some sort of attraction. It could be as simple as a great smile or the way they carry themself, but there has to be something. And when it’s not there, you’ve spent all this time building a psuedo-relationship with someone who you, ultimately, have no interest in dating. While you may enjoy their company and genuinely want to continue a friendship with them, we all know that response is rarely welcome.

I think the lesson learned here is that the best route is the direct route. Why waste each other’s time tiptoeing around the subject. You either like each other or you don’t. You can’t force something that isn’t there. I tried. And I failed miserably because, rather than admit (to both the guy and myself) that I wasn’t into him in that way and risk hurting his feelings, I continued to go out with him. Partly because I was determined to stop dating the same type of guy that I always seem to find myself with. But also because he was a lot of fun and a really incredible person. There was just no real spark. I’m not proud of the way I handled it and have vowed to do better in the future.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on the other end of that situation, too. It just seems guys are better skilled at the quick exit.

Oops. Didn’t mean to go off on a tangent there. Funny how the mind works. Now how about that movie?

Is it really so strange?

I can’t decide. I’ve been in this situation before (twice actually) and it turned out badly.

Sometimes, because of circumstances, you think you know someone better than you really do. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in your idea of who that someone is. And sometimes, you’re really just longing for more, so the attention and friendship seems that much better. And sometimes (more often than not), you should just stop thinking about things too much and take it for what it is. Que sera, sera.

Moving on…I’m doing pretty well with the tracking expenses so far, but that could be simply because I haven’t been anywhere for it to be an issue yet. Work. Home. Repeat.

Yesterday: $3.49 for lunch
Today: $4.79 for lunch

Now I’m off to sleepyland, earlier than normal, but with good reason. It’s been a hell of a week so far and there are still 2 more work days to go.

Let’s get it started.

Gone are the ways of the paper journal. And good riddance, I say. I was never good at keeping mine current. Months would pass and there I was, trying to recapture all the events, thoughts, and feelings of everything that had happened since I last wrote. It ended up being a hodgepodge of haphazard drivel.

I’m online a lot. I type faster than I can think most days. So this makes for a good outlet for me. A natural progression of things, even if I am a few years behind in taking advantage of this technology.So here’s a start, and we’ll see how it goes. I won’t even attempt to catch up on my life thus far. So I’ll just jump right in as of today.

I’m a 30-something single who hasn’t had a real date in months. And by “real,” I mean something other than veiled attempts at the infamous booty call from a certain someone I’ll call P. It’s sad that, for awhile there, I was so craving male affection that I would often accept such a call from him. Initially, it was fun. Exciting even. If the payoff had been better, I’d be tempted to continue, but sadly, it was not. And in the long run, really, what’s the point? So I’ve been a good girl and dodged that particular situation for atleast a couple of months. And have no plans of returning there. Atleast not with HIM.

Trying to find a budget I can stick to has been a challenge. I’m constantly recalculating and crunching numbers to make it work. I’m terribly bad at impulse shopping. I see it, I want it, I buy it. Not a good plan. Especially when I have some bigger and better purchases to plan for. Not to mention the fact that it certainly isn’t helping me get out of debt any sooner. So, starting tomorrow, I will write down every single expense. Every pack of gum picked up while paying for gas, every cup of coffee from the machine at work, every drink bought when out with friends. Everything. Down to the last cent. I’m told that if I do this, even for just a week, I will be shocked and amazed at how much money I’m throwing away.