I hate everything.


It has been 61 long hours since I have smoked or had nicotine of any kind.  I find myself alternating between emotionally charged self-pity and wanting to cut people.  Any one.  For any reason.

It’s a good thing I cleared out all my ashtrays and emptied the trash…According to the smoking cessation apps I’m following, my sense of smell and taste have improved.  So all I can think of is how much better a cigarette would smell and taste now!!

I haven’t left the house in 2.5 days because I still don’t trust myself to not go to RaceTrac and buy a new pack…or carton.  Maybe later I will go for a drive.  Thankfully, I never started smoking in my baby, so that shouldn’t be a trigger.

Everyone says this will get easier.  When, exactly?  I still don’t know whether it’s nicotine cravings or missing the ACT of smoking that makes this difficult.  But either way, it can’t happen anymore.

I hate everyone.

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