Just calling it like I see it.

So, I didn’t send that email, but after not hearing from him in almost a week and him not responding anymore, I saw him online today,.  I ended up sending a him a message.  Since clearly he wasn’t going to contact me and I am tired of playing the waiting game.

So I IM’d him and said that although he told me not to feel like I was bugging him, that I couldn’t help but feel that I WAS.  And that it seemed like if I didn’t call or message him, I never heard from him.  So that I was going to just back off and leave him alone.  He responded and said he would just have to call and message me then.  No, that’s ok, I told him.  If he wanted to, he would’ve already been doing that.  Then he disappeared from the IM window.  Not sure if it was accidental or on purpose, but either way.

I followed up with an email and just said that I hoped I didn’t sound rude earlier, that I wasn’t mad or anything, but that, ever since I went down to Beaumont to see him, he has been completely different towards me.  And very distant.  I wrote that I think he has had a change of heart and just didn’t want to hurt my feelings.  So I would let him off the hook.  No worries, and that we are still friends as far as I’m concerned.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but I meant it when I said I was not going to play games.  I said what I needed to say so that I could retain an ounce of self-respect rather than throwing myself at some guy who clearly is just not that into me.

Yeah, it stings a little.  Even though I don’t have any illusions that he would’ve been THE guy.  I couldn’t picture us together long-term, but I was willing to deal with the distance to find out.  The worst part is to have had some semblance of hope restored only to be snuffed back out.

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