So I’ve decided to make note of some of the people that are near and dear to me at this point in my life. I’ve mentioned many of them before, but have decided I will, occasionally, devote an entry to describing the relationships I have with each and what it is about them that I love so much. And maybe what annoys me, too. We’ll see how it goes.
So to kick things off is someone I have known for awhile but still don’t really know: Dr Honeydew.
I met Dr Honeydew a couple of years ago when he was in town for a Stars game. Didn’t really spend much time talking to him, as it was a big group of us, and he had to get back on the road towards home. We talked online sporadically after that. Then, in 2004, we started talking more often. I think maybe it was around the time I was buying my house and was asking for tips from people on home repairs, etc.
Anyway, fast forward to today. Dr Honeydew and I talk almost every single night online and have for just about a year now. He is the one person that I can vent to about any and everything. I can talk to him about things that I don’t talk to anyone about. Probably because he’s not here, and, as he says, we don’t have to look each other in the eye. So I can bitch about a friend pissing me off or about my pathetic social life or, yes, even my adventures in the world of “casual sex” without worry of him repeating it to someone else and creating potentially awkward situations.
He doesn’t judge me, or if he does, I can’t tell. He’s supportive. He’s incredibly smart and he’s a smartass (2 HUGE bonus points in my book!). And he keeps me honest. When I try to talk myself into or out of things, he always manages to ask the right questions that make me see the bigger picture. And then, whatever decision I end up making, whether he agrees or not, he supports that it is my choice. And when I’m in one of my meloncholy moods, he can always make me smile. Or even better, laugh.
When we met in person (the one and only time) was not long after Dr Honeydew was supposed to be married. Although they called it off, they stayed together for awhile longer. When he finished his doctorate, he moved to another state for work and expected that she would be following shortly thereafter. Well, that didn’t happen either. So now we both bitch and moan about our sad (lack of) love lives. At least he’s making an effort to get out there and meet people. I don’t have that courage yet. Well, it comes and goes.
Over the past year, I feel we have gotten to know each other pretty well. Atleast, as well as you can over the internet and the occasional phone call. And I consider him to be one of my very dearest friends.
He’s been hoping to come to Dallas again soon to visit and catch a few more games. If he does come, I’ve offered to let him stay at my house. In the guest room, of course. Within the past few months, it’s come down to him actually having specific dates in mind. Because of monetary issues, it’s been up in the air as to whether or not it will actually happen…and it’s starting to look more and more like it won’t. Atleast not any time soon. Yet, just the thought that it could has forced me to acknowledge certain thoughts and feelings that I have about him.
I realize, having been down that road before, that it’s easy to think you know someone pretty well and might even like them based on conversations alone. You have to keep in mind that all the feelings you might have for this person are based on the illusion of who you think they are…the picture you’ve painted of them in your mind. In the real world, however, we all know there is a certain physical aspect to attraction as well. Based on pictures I’ve seen (I only vaguely remember what he looks like from when I met him), he’s not the typical “type” that I generally go for. Then again, given my track record with “my type,” that may be a good thing. Plus, I was 30-ish pounds lighter when we met, too.
It’s not that, really, that troubles me. Well, it does a little because I don’t know what to expect if and when he does come to visit. I mean, we’re friends and we care a lot about each other. I know that. I just don’t know if either of us is expecting/hoping/thinking that there may be something more there. And even if there is….hello? He lives in another state!!
What I’m most concerned about is that, what if he visits and it’s awkward? Or what if we just can’t stand each other?? Because, frankly, the idea of losing our friendship frightens me. I love him to pieces and couldn’t stand it if I lost him as a friend.