Self-Censoring is Unhealthy

I just re-read my last entry and it pissed me off.  THIS is where I’m supposed to be able to be honest and throw a tempter tantrum, if so inclined.  And that entry soooooo does not accurately portray my state of mind at the time.  That was me trying to be calm and civil and explain away a situation that, frankly, has left me feeling resentful and belittled. 

I’m all for taking my “punishment,” but I can’t help but feel I got blamed for, not only my mistake, but a buttload of other things that didn’t have a damn thing to do with me.  People say things in anger, things that are sometimes unreasonable.  I know and accept that.  But, as an adult, if you KNOW you are one of those people that do that, then STFU and walk away from the conversation. 

Don’t say a bunch of irrational and nasty shit to me and then BLAME ME for you saying them because I “kept talking and talking and talking” (which, after re-reading the online part of this thing, where the majority of it took place, is soooo not accurate).  Because if you say stuff that either makes no sense or has nothing to do with me, bet your ass I’m going to respond.  In this case, I didn’t even respond to any of the most outrageous comments…I was too shocked and amazed by them to do so.  I didn’t realize we were still in 5th grade.

Is it worth losing a friend over?  Hell no.  Would that happen if I were to try to address the way things went down?  I don’t know.  I’m guessing it would get ugly.  And life is too short for that shit.  

Shutting up and moving on…and for the record, this does NOT qualify as doormat behavior. 

* This entry remained in draft and was not published until 11/06/05.

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