It’s MY journal and if I’m thinking something I should be able to write about it. That’s the whole point of this thing for me, isn’t it? To record who I am and what I’m feeling today. To vent. To get it all out. To second guess myself. To rant. To ramble. To blathe? (Sorry…Princess Bride reference).
I’ve always been the type of person who needs to get things out on paper (or computer these days). Many times, after doing so, I simply hit the delete key and feel better for just having gotten it out of my system. So, with that in mind, I started drafting an email that I had no intentions of ever sending to T. Just clearing things up. Explaining why I thought the things I thought. And his role in all of that. And whether or not we can remain friends (which would have to be redefined).
I did this the other day and it helped a little. Having been through several edits, it’s not accusatory. It’s not bitter. It’s not obnoxious. It’s not whiney. It’s not asking him to reconsider. It’s just honest. But I couldn’t make myself hit the delete key. So it’s now lurking in my draft folder. And I’m thinking to myself, we were friends before, and could always talk about things. Why should this have to be any different?
Send? Delete? Send? Delete?
I think I’ll let it breathe in my draft folder a little while longer.