Only my second week in to playing and I failed miserably. I didn’t even attempt to play. Sorry, football is not my bag, baby. But I did enjoy seeing everyone else’s pictures. I’ll have to see what next week’s assignment brings.
I got a call from T a little while ago. We made plans to go to dinner tomorrow night. And already, I find myself falling back into old habits. Having been cheated on, habitually, in my past relationships, I tend to be suspicious. Of everything. And second guess everything that is said. I’ve gotten better at not being (quite) so mental, but I do still find myself remembering the most minute details of conversations. Then, later, when something is said that varies from that, even slightly, big red flashing sirens start going off in my brain. That happened earlier, when talking to T. I should also mention that English is not his first language, so that has lead to misunderstandings in the past. Adding to the confusion. Sigh.
I think, should dinner actually happen tomorrow, we will have a conversation about these things. And about what it is, exactly, that we are doing. I’ve had no problem with the casualness of our relationship over the past year, but I just want to know where things stand. He’s said things lately that have made me think it’s not as casual as I have tried to keep it. But he’s also been, as far as I know, incredibly honest with me about what else he may or may not be doing and likewise from me. So now, with the warning lights going off, I want to approach the issue now rather than sweep it under a rug until there is a huge pile of crap there to wade through.
One thing I have learned, and will pass on to all of you out there, is, if you think you are being lied to by your partner (or potential partner), never, and I do mean never, show your hand until you know what s/he is holding. I’m sure I’ll be criticized by some for saying that, but understand me…I’m not talking about playing head games. I’m talking about not making or breaking something until you really know the situation. In most cases, s/he will either set the record straight, or bury themself with lies. At no point prior to that should you divulge whatever bits of information you know. Or think you know. That only shows them the way out, should they be trying to deceive you. And should you be misguided in your suspicions and tell them about it upfront, it will only make you seem, well…mental.
Damn. Now I sound like psychocrazybitterbitch. I’m so not that person (anymore). Honest.
Enough of that…what in the crap am I going to wear tomorrow night? And where should we go for dinner? These are questions that need answers.